Why I Am A Feminist
Tonight I realized something. I am a feminist. Not only am I a feminist, but I am also the ultimate feminist.
It is not because I feel that men are truly the weaker species and we need a good dose of gurrl power to keep us in line. It is not because I feel that men, specifically men of European decent, have subjected women to a life of domestic servitude. Nor, is it because I feel that men are nothing more than chauvinistic pigs.
I am a feminist because I hate to work.
Yes, I said it. I hate to work. I hate the frustration of the morning commute and I hate the empty good mornings and I hate the inane lunchroom banter and I hate watching the clock only to endure another exhaust fume sucking afternoon traffic jam. I hate it more than anything on the planet. (Well, not as much as an Avalanche Stanley Cup but that’s another story).
So in order to not work, I must be a feminist. It is out of necessity. The bills must still get paid. Therefore, in order to do so, I am willing to say that women are equally capable of working as men have over the centuries. I am willing to have a woman be the breadwinner while I stay home all day and pursue the leisurely arts. And for that I am willing to stand up and shout “Equal Pay For Equal Work!”
“But what about house work?” you might ask. “After all, they don’t call it work for nothing.” My willingness to allow a woman to support me unconditionally is not so shallow as to see this problem. My woman will earn enough to afford a maid and perhaps a nanny or two. After all, my woman will not want me to over extend myself between the mahjong club, book club, and mundane choirs such as purchasing groceries. So if at first she cannot afford these necessities, she will work harder.
“Ha!” you might exclaim! “You still can’t have kids. There’s one traditional female role you can’t exchange!” Alas my friends, I have thought of an answer for that too. My woman will be career focused and too busy working to support me to have the desire for children. But, if the biological drive proves too strong, there is always the option of adoption or worse, if the magic little pill stops working its magic, thanks to the Family Leave Act, she’ll have plenty of time to bond with our off-spring before she heads back to the office. There will be nothing to fear because I will be home. I will not be working.
I know that feminism is not popular. And I know that many do not understand my position. But sometimes in life, a man has to stand up for what he believes in. For me, that time is now.
Women, I stand by the sisterhood as you defy the world and show that you are capable of everything that a man does. I am willing to give up working so you can support me. There’s nothing in this world I would love more.
I am a feminist. Hear me roar.
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