109393695119624445

VC: The Amazing Flying Dog.
[This was inspired by the story that the Democratic Candidate says is a true tale. His absurd recollection is what I parody in this post]

It was warm and comfortable that early morning for VC, the little dog. Sleeping with his Mom in a nice straw bed, feeding with four brothers and sisters on the many tits of Mom was both nourishing and comforting, yum. The sun shining through the palapa’s thin palm leaves made him forget all about the nasty noises and the big, bad men coming through the little village taking the food. Yum, again, thought little VC.
“Always remember, little VC” his Mom would tell him, “you’re a Magic little dog, you can fly.”
“But Mom, I can’t even swim, I’d rather swim like my brothers and sisters than fly, what good is that?” he would ask.
“Ah stupid little VC, flying is worth more than swimming any day, and plus you have the gift that you can talk to people in their heads, most of us can just listen and wag our tails or shit on the carpet to communicate, you really have a gift,” said Mom.
VC’s pleasant dream state was soon interrupted by the sound of that nasty banging noise once again. But somehow, this was different; the noise was from something other than an AK-47, but from an AR-15 American made.
“Why are Americans attacking our insignificant little village?” queried little VC. “What the F**k?” he thought to his Mom. [Okay, he didn’t think that, you try writing a story about a psychic flying dog in Vietnam and see how good you do].
“Kill all the animals, especially the cute fuzzy ones” yelled a big American soldier, with a freakishly huge chin, observed little VC.
Ensign Edwards placed the bitch (hey, I can say that in context) and her litter in his sites, and then asked LT Kerry, “Even these cute little puppies?”
“Yes, they are the cutest and therefore the most threatening,” Kerry responded in an accent that he never had—not Bostonian, not quite British.
Just then a small Vietnamese boy ran out from an abandoned hooch and cried, “Please big American soldier with perfect hair, do not kill my puppies, one of them is magical!”
“Yeah right, what’s so magical about any of these, um, things?” Kerry asked.
The cute little boy stood his ground and announced, “Big and weird GI, this dog can fly. I kid you not my man, he flies like nobodies bizzzness.”
“I come from the “Show-Me” state, well, not really, but show me or I’ll get you, and your little dog too,” said Kerry. [You know I had to put that in somewhere].
And so, little Ng told VC to fly, and fly he did. “Little boy my friend” thought VC, in his little doggie brain.
“Hey, this stupid dog would be a great addition to my home-movies about my patriotic exploits in this war; I’ll then throw somebody else’s medals over a fence, and show these movies of a flying Vietnamese dog and protest the war and I’ll be just like another JFK that I served with.”
Ensign John Edwards was a bit of a skeptic, “I see a scar on your knee, a picture of your father, but nope… no evidence you were in a crew with JFK.”
“Ahhh, you fool with your wacky predictions of the future, I meant his yacht when I was a mere strapling,” replied a terse Kerry.
So, back to our story.
Kerry negotiated a hard deal, but then he was holding a gun on the kid, “Okay, I’ll spare the lives of the other pups, but I get the flying dog and get to burn down your village with my trusty Zippo®.”
“Deal, asshat,” replied Ng.
As he chained up his bounty, Kerry confided with Edwards, ”Hey, I know you can read the future and all, so what are my chances of being the President?”
“The President of what, sir?”
“Ahh, shut up, with this dog I’ll surely become President one day, you all laughed at me but I’ll show you, Muhaahaa!” he laughed his evil laugh.
Lucky for VC, Kerry’s boat hit a tree stump. “Ahhh, we’ve been hit! Everybody down!” screemed a frantic Kerry. In the melee, VC managed to gnaw himself out of the leash that tied him down, and fly to freedom. A little while later, Kerry’s boat got a call from another swift boat that a dog landed in their boat. Yay, it was VC! But as soon as little VC saw Kerry’s swift boat coming to get him he flew away, and since then he has not been seen by civilized man.
VC is now living free in the South Vietnamese jungles, waiting and watching.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, August 31st, 2004 at 2:14 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. | 55 views | Trackback | Print this page |

| More from Pete