Marvelous Movie Plots – “Queen Kong”
Inspired – nay , excited by the acceptance of the latest “King Kong” re-make , and the award-winning “Brokeback Mountain” , I have come up with a perfectly marvelous idea for a movie. Dare I say it aloud ?
QUEEN KONG !!!
Scenario: The inadequately evolved , borderline homophobic-and-in-denial inhabitants of a remote Pacific island have a troubling relationship with a gigantic ape they call Queen Kong.
Unlike most gigantic apes that inhabit remote Pacific islands, Kong has no real interest in the reluctant maidens dragged forward to become “Brides of Kong” – beyond the sharing of hair styling and makeup tips.
He prefers the company of other gigantic male apes – but – for reasons unknown , they seem to avoid him : no matter how gracefully he approaches.
Rejected by his peers, Kong seeks solace from the most handsome human warriors of the tribe (not that there’s anything wrong with that !)
The problem is, Kong likes his warriors very “butch” – but, after a night with Kong, a warrior you’ve spent thousands of hours training isn’t good for much else beside shark bait.
Needless to say, the island’s rulers are ecstatic when two rugged-looking Montana cowboys – (Yes:those two cowboys !) - suddenly appear, and announce they have a plan to capture the mighty Queen Kong.
The two cowboys plan to take the mighty beast to America, and to feature the creature in the San Francisco Gay Pride Parade …then, it’s on to Utah, for an appearance in the annual Gay Rodeo; then a star-studded cameo in Hollywood , a one-on-one with the Episcopal Bishop of New Hampshire, a tour of the Village ; and …and…(Be still, my heart !) on to New Orleans for Mardi Gras !
I’m sorry , but that’s all of the plot I can share with you. Well…since you insist : There’s a final scene – on Brokeback Mountain.
The two cowboys are fleeing for their very lives, while, behind them,
Queen Kong – eyes brimming with tears – waves to them forlornly:
“Come back, Shane ! Come back Dwayne ! “
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