Recently the parents of the student who Debra LaFave had sex with dropped their charges against her because they did not want to further upset their son by making him testify. Earlier, LaFave pleaded guilty to two counts of lewd lascivious battery for which she received seven years of probation and three years of house arrest. People have received stiffer sentences than that for minor drug crimes. She deserved a harsher sentence and probably would have received one had she been male.
There is a double standard when female teachers sexually abuse male students. Another double standard exists among women depending on their physical attractiveness. LaFave was not sentenced to prison, but less attractive women who had sex with boys; including teacher May Kay Letourneau, teacher Toni Woods and “cool mom” Sylvia Johnson; were.
The double standards based on the offenders’ sex and physical appearance may be caused by a tendency of adults to project their feelings onto the teenaged victims. Many adult males say that, when they were 14, sex with a woman who looked like LaFave would have been a fantasy come true. They fail to realize that the fulfillment of a teen’s fantasy can turn into a nightmare for the teenager in question. Many girls in their early teens have sexual fantasies about attractive male teachers and coaches. Yet, no one disputes that it harms girls when those adult males have sex with them. Why should it be different when victims are boys?
Whether male or female, teenagers are not famous for always exercising good judgement. That makes it easy for an older person in a position of authority to influence a teenager to do something the teenager thinks is wrong. To the teenager, it may even seem like a good idea at the time. The March 23 ocala.com article, “Boy’s father wanted prison for Lafave,” by Rick Cundiff and Mabel Perez quotes the boy’s father saying, “He had a lot of guilt…and he shouldn’t have any guilt about it.” The boy shouldn’t feel guilty because he was too young to fully realize the repercussions of the act he was consenting to. That is why statutory rape laws exist.
Victims of sexual abuse often feel they are responsible for what happened. Problems with guilt may be worse for boys than for girls. If a victim consented despite feeling it was the wrong thing to do, he or she may be more likely to feel guilty than a victim who tried to refuse. Girls have been taught that it is ok to say “no.” Boys haven’t. Males have been conditioned to believe something must be wrong with them if they don’t want to have sex. This also makes males more vulnerable to sexual advances than girls are.
Some adults see sex between a pretty teacher and a teenaged male student as harmless. However, Van Halen’s “Hot for Teacher,” isn’t real life. In reality, boys often suffer as a result of sexual relationships with adults. Richard Gartner, author of Betrayed as Boys, stated in a November 2005 USA Today article that victimized boys have trouble developing age-appropriate relationships and, as adults, are more likely to suffer depression, anxiety or drug addiction. Fewer studies have been done on boys than have been done on girls, so the psychological impact is not fully known. Since males are traditionally the ones who initiate sex, a boy may question his masculinity and control over his life after having sex with a female who used her position of power to persuade him to do so.
None of that troubles LaFave. She is concerned only about herself. She recently said, “I don’t think not one time has the media brought up the subject of my bipolar, and I challenge you to read a book or an article on bipolar illness.” A teacher who had sex with a 14-year-old student is the last person who should condescendingly lecture anyone! If anyone should read about bipolar illness, it should be LaFave: Bipolar is characterized by severe mood swings, but does not include a compulsion to have sex with kids. The disorder LaFave suffers from seems to be the “I’m not responsible for my actions because I’m a victim and you should feel sorry for me” syndrome.
LaFave used the power of her age and position of authority to persuade a young teenager to do what she wanted him to. Unfortunately, many do not take her crime seriously. They should. A 2004 Department of Education report stated that 20% of students reported verbal or physical sexual abuse by female teachers or aides. That may be the stuff of teenaged boys’ dreams, but teenagers are not adults. Most are not emotionally mature enough to be psychologically unscathed by sexual relations with adults who are in positions of power.
It is time to take sexual abuse of boys as seriously as seriously as we take the sexual abuse of girls. The issue is the age of the victim, not the sex of the victim. If society starts seeing it that way, the double standard will disappear.
Copyright Eva Ellsworth, 04/02/06, all rights reserved
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MND BlogWonks » Eva Ellsworth said,
April 4, 2006 at 6:14 am
BobH said,
Count me as one of the men who thinks being a 14-year old boy having sex with somebody like LeFave would be a dream come true. And apparently I’m not alone. You really need to read “Gender Differences in Receptivity to Sexual Offers” by R.D. Clark and E. Hatfield in “Journal of Psychology and Human Sexuality”, 1989, Vol 2(1) Pg. 39. According to that study, something like 70% of college age men were perfectly willing to go off and have sex with a complete (female) stranger, simply because she she asked them. In fact a higher percentage of men agreed to sex than agreed to going out on a date.
A double standard in statuatory rape laws make perfect sense, if only because 14 year old girls get pregnant and 14 year old boys don’t. Furthermore, the consequences of a pregnant 14 year old are quite different than those of a pregnant 18 year old.
The reason that the boy is having problems isn’t because of the sex. It’s because of the societal reaction to that sex. LeFave is going to be punished because of something that he did and he feels guilty about it. Furthermore, he is probably being watched like a hawk and sent to “counseling” for further indoctrination in societal mores.
April 4, 2006 at 7:17 am
Gus Owens said,
“Fraser” in one episode tried to justify older women-teen-age boy sexual relationships by casting the woman in the role of teacher. This is simple minded and unfair to boys. Boys may talk about having sex with an attractive teacher as “cool” but it isn’t. It is cruel and manipulative. Women have lust too and they are not all “sugar and spice”.
And statements made by college men on the subject of sex are suspect in my opinion.
No other subject is encumbered by as much fabrication as sexuality.
There is also a huge difference between a 14 year old and an 18 year old.
Miss Lavave belongs in the slammer.
April 4, 2006 at 9:32 am
MillionDadsMarch said,
You (BobH) say that it’s okay for this double standard because 14 year old girls get pregnant and boys don’t.
Have you stopped to think that 14 year old girls don’t have to pay child support, while 14 year old boys do?
I should know. My oldest child was conceived when I was 16, and I had to pay child $upport while in high school. It forced me out of a promising wrestling career, too. There was another case in Kansas just a couple of years earlier, where a 12 (TWELVE!) year old boy’s was raped by his babysitter. Even though she was charged with the crime, his parents had to pay child support until he turned 18, when he was forced to make the payments - to the person who raped him!
But apparently that’s okay to “BobH”, because he dreamed of having sex with an older teacher? Would you say the same thing, BobH, if you or your son had to pay child $upport to your (his) rapist?
It’s often said that women (girls) mature faster than men (boys). While idiots like BobH seem to exemplify that theory, the fact remains that, whether true or not, raping a boy is no less criminal than raping a girl, and the predators must be severely punished, whether they are a woman or a man.
Kudos to Eva Ellsworth and this article she’s written on the subject.
Respectfully,
Thomas Lessman
. http://www.ThomasLessman.com
Email: Chairman@MillionDadsMarch.org
Million Dads March Network
. http://www.MillionDadsMarch.org
American Coalition of Families & Citizens - Kansas Chapter
. http://www.ACFC-KS.org
April 4, 2006 at 11:14 am
BobH said,
So legal enforcement of child support payments (including those by the “victim” to the “predator”) doesn’t qualify as a “societal reaction”, right?
April 4, 2006 at 12:20 pm
a316sting67401 said,
April 4, 2006 at 4:14 pm
steven deluca said,
Having worked with teens in treatment facilities it’s obvious boys tendency to take risks causes harm to boys. If we don’t, as adults, protect boys as well as girls, then we teach boys they have less value. If we teach that a woman’s touch enhances or “make a boy a man” while a man’s touch “defiles” we teach males that they have less value which leads to a double standard later in life where males are seen as “inferior” as parents, in paternity cases, or in cases where Domestic Violence is charged… Many men think it’s “cool” to act as if they would have liked to have had sex with their teachers… but a sexually agressive female at age 14 might later cause a young man to be disappointed with his “loving” but less aggressive wife. Or, a male who had sex with an older female might feel as a man he can do the same with a “girl” it might “feel” right because that’s what he experienced as a boy, but he goes to jail for five years…
For me … simply teaching that men defile females when doing the same act… but the woman is seen as “enhancing” a male, is only a standard that a dorky male could get behind because his need for sex, or to be “enhanced” is greater than his pride in himself as a man.
Steve DeLuca
PS For those boys, it’s not alwas a loving female either, just a needy, desparate woman on an ego trip - using the boy and not caring about his long term welfare.
April 4, 2006 at 9:28 pm