A Proposal for Prison Reform

By David Lee Dickerson

Americans are rightly concerned about this country’s high crime rate. However, when prisons are filled with guys lifting weights and watching TV, enjoying easy sex and a wide variety of drugs, it is no wonder that incarceration in our nation does not act as much of a deterrent to crime. As the late mass murderer Richard Speck commented, “If they knew all the fun I’m having in here, they’d have to turn me loose.”

However, we cannot go back to whippings and stocks and things like that since those things are uncivilized and this is a civilized country. Moreover, we have a Supreme Court that is likely to declare such measures “cruel and unusual punishment.”

There may be a way that we can make prison genuinely unattractive to criminals, a group that prides itself on being tough. I propose that we take the macho out of prison.

Instead of our present uniform, each inmate will be handed a diaper. “Five years in diapers, huh? Who changed ya?” No outlaw will want to hear that. Food will be served in adult-sized baby bottles. Finally, the prison will be painted baby pink with yellow polka dots.

When prison life becomes a form of infantilization, it will be a strong deterrent to criminal activity and one that will pass constitutional muster. I probably should add that this writer has nothing personally to gain from these measures since I work for neither a diaper company nor a baby bottle business.

Previously published in Nuthouse and the Bolivar Free-Herald