The Man’s No-Nonsense Divorce Primer
Nobility Leads to Poverty
Divorce is the quickest path to financial ruin, bar none. These days, the probability is significantly high that a married man eventually will be single again, returning to the scrimping lifestyle of his younger days. This unfortunate situation exists because of stark modern realities:
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America has a 50% divorce rate, for first marriages
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Women initiate 70% of divorces, mainly to win child custody
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Women are as unfaithful as men
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Most family courts are biased towards females.
The marriage deck is stacked against the man if he earns more money than his wifeâ€â€even in a two-career marriage. Alas, he enters matrimony and fatherhood from a position of weakness. Given the realities I cited above, he is statistically doomed, at the altar, to lose his marriage, his wealth, and control of his children. It behooves him, therefore, to anticipate divorce early and navigate it carefully. Better yet, he must try to avoid it altogether.
Generally speaking, men are raised to be chivalrous and noble, while, in my opinion, women are raised to be well-coiffed takers. Wonderful. Well, remember these two phrases, if you remember nothing else: 1) chivalry is benevolent sexism; 2) nobility leads to poverty.
Still, even in 2006, when women fly combat missions in Iraq, fly the space shuttle, and head major universities and corporations, it is common in affluent communities for the husband to want to be the “sole provider.†He toils all day at the office so his wife can play tennis, shop, visit her aestheticians, decorate the house, and lunch with her friends. Caution: Women with means and excessive freedom during the day are perfect infidelity partners. After all, idleness and narcissism, notwithstanding a plethora of charity activities, can lead to boredom and lasciviousness.
To the über-male husband, playing provider is a source of masculine pride, akin to wearing a badge of honor at work and the country club. Believe me: in divorce court, he will be the provider. He will rue the day he equated his manhood with his money. Divorce is a zero-sum game: lawyers and wives win.
Four Stages of Divorce
The four stages of divorce: pre-divorce, divorce, post-divorce, and dating:
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Dating? Why is dating in this list, and why is it last in the list? It’s last to get your attention. It’s in the list because, during dating, you can tell what kind of divorce adversary your woman is likely to be. Usually, you are blind to or ignore critical information during the dating stageâ€â€such as when your woman refuses to buy you dinner or pay her own way on a vacation. And, because of this lapse, you will sit one day in family court, head in hands, heart in stomach as you hear the judge enumerate everything you will lose.
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When all marital intimacy and communication irrevocably deteriorate, you are in pre-divorce. Rather than passively await your wife to divorce you, meet with loyal accounting and legal professionals to prepare for the worst. Sun-Tzu would approve this strategy.
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During the divorce, minimize the war rhetoric. It’s going to be a long, tough, sad, expensive slog. Excessive emotions only enrich the lawyers and hurt the children. This is easy to say and difficult to execute, but it’s accurate. Cease viewing your ex-wife-to-be as your wife. She is now your adversary. She is looking out for herself, not for you. Nobility leads to poverty. Remember?
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In post-divorce, take inventory and venture out slowly with new romancesâ€â€the last thing you want or need is a repeat of the past. Solidify your relationship with your childrenâ€â€divorce’s biggest losers; counter your ex-wife’s anti-father poisoning tactics. Work diligently to understand yourself and choice of first wifeâ€â€as well as the real reason your marriage failed. Remember: The divorce rate for second marriages is about 65% because people are:
No-Nonsense Bottom Line
By accepting only a woman who is your peer, you will minimize games, the likelihood of a future broken home, and financial ruin. Women who demand chivalry and nobility are just aching to kick your assets and take your kids. If you prefer “entitled†women, prepare for your next divorce. Happy hunting.
About the Author
Marc H. Rudov is an investment banker and business consultant residing in Silicon Valley, CA. He is the author of the book, The Man’s No-Nonsense Guide to Women: How to Succeed in Romance on Planet EarthTM (ISBN 0974501719), and 19 articles.
Rudov’s book, articles, blog, and podcasts are available at http://www.thenononsenseman.com/.
Copyright ©2006 by Marc H. Rudov. All rights reserved.
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The best strategy is never to marry to begin with.
Then all of those other problems just melt away.
June 5th, 2006
If you value peace, your children, property, and 18 years of a portion of your income, stay single. Marriage is a bad deal for men.
June 5th, 2006
Further details are available at http://www.antipeonage.0catch.com
Yes, it is that bad.
If you do not wish it to be that bad, then get politically involved.
In numbers.
Those of us already involved are tired of being so damn lonely when faced with politicos and judges who know we are not politically involved in NUMBERS.
June 5th, 2006
“The best strategy is never to marry to begin with.
Then all of those other problems just melt away.”
I could not possibly agree more, SM777.
Who wants to play Russian Roulette with AT LEAST three loaded chambers?
From Marc’s excellent article:
“By accepting only a woman who is your peer, you will minimize games, the likelihood of a future broken home, and financial ruin.”
No offense meant to Marc, who understands men’s issues as well as anyone else, but his advice here seems sub-optimal to me.
By CHOOSING NOT TO MARRY, you will minimize games, the likelihood of a future broken home and financial ruin.
In addition, it is a well-known social phenomenon that women prefer to marry UP – choosing husbands who earn more than they do (even successful career women including Fortune 500 CEO’s prefer to marry UP).
Not to detract from Marc’s well-written blog, I believe that the first and best defense against America’s women and the divorce industry is to avoid getting married in the first place.
It’s also the simplest to implement.
Men can participate in the marriage strike by simply doing nothing.
Best of all, there are no benefits for men from marriage that are also not available WITHOUT marriage. None.
Of course some men simply HAVE to marry….. and gamble their health, wealth, family, and sanity in the process.
Three suggestions for such men:
1. Have a very well-crafted prenuptial agreement.
2. Travel abroad to find your wife, preferably to those nations that do not devalue men.
3. Don’t reproduce until you have been married to a woman for at least 5 years (the coming male birth control pill/patch will help men to control their fertility).
June 6th, 2006
All women believe they are “entitled”. They believe that they are entitled to what is theirs and what is yours. When you reject that thesis, they take you to court for a divorce to prove they are right.
The only safe position for men is never to get married and never have children in the United States. Never give one nickel to an American female for any reason. Never, ever date and certainly never marry a single American female with children. That just creates and compounds problems for other innocent men in the satanic American system.
If you marry you become “culpable” in the eyes of the system. You become a criminal if you marry. The key to male freedom is to never play the game. It is the only sure solution.
June 6th, 2006
Marc’s advice is solid if you are dead set on marrying, but like the other posts say: Don’t get married and you won’t have these problems. I’ve heard women in offices planning divorces from second husbands. I’ve heard women planning a first wedding and talking about divorce. They know the game. For the vast majority of women, it’s about money and control. That’s why I only do the “friends with benefits” thing with women. Anything else is insane.
June 6th, 2006
Remember – a very well-crafted prenuptial is not any good because it is just another civil agreement has to be enforced by the same judge that will break all kinds of other laws when you get divorced. The judge will throw it out just like our constitution. Laws mean nothing if our courts will not uphold the current laws that are in place. Not getting married wont help you if you have Children. Either way married or not you are screwed. Once you have children – You fall under the heavy boot of our government and child support Gestapo.
June 6th, 2006
I certainly don’t disagree, jaustin.
I do not recommend that men either marry OR willingly reproduce in those nations where governments are controlled by the vagina ideologies.
June 6th, 2006
Most sociologists agree that marriage is the incubator of society. There can be no lasting stability in society without marriage. The solution is not to avoid marriage altogether. All children need a stable environment with both a father and a mother. The solution is to find a suitable partner, and be willing to work on yourself. The ancient Taoists knew that the most fulfilling of all human relationships can only be found with a lifetime partner. Unfortunately, (de-)feminism has corrupted the values of many American women. Good women can be found, but a man must be walking the path of happiness himself. Live right, and the right woman will be attracted to you.
September 8th, 2007