Statement by Abu Musab Zarqawi From Islamic Heaven
(Islamic Heaven—Al -Jazeer, CNN, MSNBC)
Brothers and Heirs to the Throne of Heaven,
Praise be to Allah!
After my arrival here two days ago, I kissed the clouds and thanked Allah for deliverance from the infidel devils lead by that dyslexic Christian cowboy from Texas, GW Bush.
I prayed that, God willing, Bush would be forced to spend eternity with Nancy Pelosi in San Francisco, a situation otherwise known as hell…. even without satan or the furnaces.
Praise be to Allah!
We know that our true God would never punish even the most notorious infidel so brutally. So I faced west and, Allah forgive me, prayed to the infidel’s god.
God willing, Bush and Ms. Pelosi will be manacled together in San Francisco’s Castro District forever. Bush will suffer greatly, God willing, at the hands of tens of thousands of young men that would have been unable to marry under his failed marriage amendment.
Praise be to Allah!
Brothers, all is good in Islamic Heaven, save one detail.
Each and every one of the 72 virgins that greeted me is the spitting image of Helen Thomas, a fiction writer who works in Washington DC, capitol city of the infidels.
Pray for me, brothers: These women are virgins, but not by choice!
This is NOT what I was expecting as my reward for being blown to smithereens.
Praise be to Allah!
God willing, your prayers will deliver unto me 72 middle-eastern Muslim women, ages 15- 21, lean but not mean, beautiful and still virgins by choice.
Allah speed brothers! Without seductive virgins in my midst, this gig sucks!
Praise be to Allah!
Your Comrade in Death,
Musab Zarqawi, Deceased
John Lillpop is a recovering liberal, "clean and sober" since 1992 when last he voted for a Democrat. Pray for John: He lives in the San Francisco Bay Area, where people like Nancy Pelosi are considered reasonable! | More from John Lillpop
Stumble It!
June 9th, 2006 at 11:52 am
When U.S. troops found Zarqawi after the 500 pound laser-guided bomb dropped on him they rolled him over and on his t-shirt was a message:
“Do Not Resuscitate”
lol
June 9th, 2006 at 12:08 pm
“Do Not Resuscitateâ€
LOL! I assume one of our brighest and bravest took a grease pen, Xed through the killer’s message, and wrote: Was not planning to!
June 11th, 2006 at 1:35 pm
A misreading of scripture.
The ‘virgins’ thing is something like ‘try to imagine the best thing you can’ and that’s Paradise. Anybody ever heard of allegory? “Song of Solomon’ ring any bells?
Anyway, since Allah is all-knowing He simply reckoned that if Zarqawi wanted to mess with scripture for his own ends he should be rewarded appropriately.
So he got a 72-year-old virgin.
June 11th, 2006 at 4:17 pm
Malajas said:
So he got a 72-year-old virgin.’
Allah’s judicial temperment includes a great sense of humor!