Some of the comments on my last post, “The Boy Problem in Education is the Nation’s Problem,†deserve a response, (the original comments are posted below that post). Denis said, “FEMALES brought this situation about, both through action and inaction.â€Â A small group of women brought about many of society’s current problems through political action. Court decisions created some of them. Many women did not want the changes feminism brought. Much of the feminist movement in the 1960s and 1970s occurred while some of us were children and some women of today weren’t born yet. Many women simply inherited those societal changes. Denis has a better point about inaction. Many women, including myself, did nothing for two reasons.
The first is that we devoted so much time and effort to our education and careers that we didn’t seek information on these issues. Some men are guilty of that as well. For example, people who didn’t have sons in school didn’t notice inequities in education. Likewise, many people never thought about the possibility of false accusations of domestic violence until someone they knew was falsely accused.
The second reason is that people have to actively seek information about these issues. The major newspapers and tv networks provide little and, often one-sided, coverage. For example, the feature story on Friday’s episode of 20/20 was about an abused wife. Additionally, it was the second airing of that segment. According to the CDC website, “a national study found that 29% of women and 22% of men had experienced physical, sexual or psychological intimate partner violence during their lifetime.â€Â However, I don’t recall seeing any stories on major newsmagazine shows featuring abused men. I didn’t become aware of men’s issues until I started listening to talk radio and getting news from the internet.  Websites such this one bring men’s issues to light. Letter writing campaigns to tv networks, newspapers and their advertisers might persuade them to provide more fair coverage on issues such as sexual harassment, domestic violence and family courts.
Denis dismisses the fact that women were discouraged from becoming homemakers, yet it is the major way feminism hurt women. In her comments, Dierdre rightly points out that it wasn’t just feminists pushing women into careers. My parents, teachers, friends, (male and female), and the media all pushed the idea that career success was everything. Men aren’t exempt: Many of them wanted their future wives to be career women. Many women told females never to give up careers because, if they became housewives, they would end up penniless with children to care for when their husbands traded them in for newer models. Schools taught that having children causes overpopulation and lowers the parents’ standard of living.
Finally, authors like Darla Shine, (Happy Housewives), and Carrie Lukas, (The Politically Incorrect Guide to Women, Sex, and Feminism), are letting women know that homemaking is a valid choice. However, feminists who bash women for wanting to be housewives are still around. Last week “philosopher†Linda Hirshman, (Get to Work), described stay at home moms as mindless or intellectually dead, (I don’t remember her exact words), on a talk radio show. Many girls grew up hearing comments like that.  Programs like “Desperate Housewives†reinforce the low esteem in which society holds housewives by portraying them as neurotics, domineering bitches, gold diggers, adulteresses or incompetent flakes.
Denis points out that women usually initiate divorce proceedings. This doesn’t tell the whole story. The spouse who files isn’t always the spouse who brought about the end of the marriage. For example, one spouse may commit adultery and the other may react by filing for divorce. In a later post, Denis offered some constructive suggestions starting with family courts. Like most Americans, he wants equitable division of rights and responsibilities. Women, (and many men), haven’t spoken up about the subject because they didn’t know about it. Those who haven’t been through the system and don’t have a family member or close friend who has have no idea what settlements and arrangements are made. Even when one knows of an unfair decision, he/she still doesn’t know if that is an exception or the rule. The best thing that can be done to raise awareness is to publicize inequitable rulings on general interest websites and in the mainstream press.
A comment on male contraception as a means to end unwanted paternity was also posted. There is hope on that front. Hormonal contraceptives to suppress sperm production are being tested in conjunction with testosterone replacement. The challenge is stopping sperm production without loss of libido or secondary sex characteristics.
I also agree with Denis that affirmative action should end. Most of those whom it supposedly “helped†would have achieved the same things without it and are angry to have their hard work and achievements discounted. While it may be common in government agencies and government-funded institutions, affirmative action may have quietly ended in private industry. The possibility of discrimination suits for firings or failure to promote may even discourage companies from hiring minorities and women.
False accusations of sexual harassment or any other crime should be prosecuted. Those who make such accusations should be given meaningful sentences. Additionally, those who file false charges should be subject to civil lawsuits for damages caused by false accusations.
Denis also points out the unequal penalties for men and women who have sex with minors. I wrote a previous post the topic, “When Beauty is the Beast,†in which I pointed out that society has a duty to protect children from predators of both sexes. When it comes to this topic, it seems more women than men support harsh sentences for female predators. Some men see it as fulfillment of a boy’s fantasy and don’t take it seriously as a crime.
In his last post, Denis stated “Schools must treat boys and men fairly compared to girls and women.â€Â That was the point of my last post.
I also agree with Denis that laws apply equally to all. Furthermore, the facts about domestic violence should receive more publicity. 22% of men have suffered some sort of abuse by a partner and 60% of child abusers are women. Female victims of domestic violence receive many column inches of newsprint and plenty of tv airtime, but male victims don’t.
I, too, believe those who served in the military should be rewarded for their service and those who served in combat should be given more than those who haven’t. The GI Bill is one such reward.
Denis suggests women vote Republican. Democrats have become the “victicrat†party. Luckily, many have tired or their message that more tax money and more government involvement in peoples’ lives will solve societal ills. The drawback to the idea of voting Republican in some areas is a lack of Republican candidates. Open seats in my state legislative district include one senator and three delegates. How many Republicans filed to run for these offices to date? Zero. People who want a more equitable society and are able to do so should consider running for office.
Denis states that women have to choose between hostility from men and being treated preferentially or honest and fair treatment.  That is the wrong approach. It only discourages women from trying to highlight inequities and encouraging fair treatment of men. When a woman’s attempt to highlight an injustice results in her and all women being blamed for that injustice, she thinks, “Why bother?â€Â More equitable laws won’t be achieved by alienating half of the population. When someone is on your side, accept it. Save the hostility for those who are clearly against you.
Copyright Eva Ellsworth, 07/31/06, all rights reserved
