Just Ask Directions

Nobody’s Opinion; Since disappointing a reader this week because I happened to be a woman instead of a man, and also probably because he thought “Topless in Lebanon” was going have a real pornographic picture—(After all, this was a men’s site), I was seriously contemplating changing my name to JOE. But, I have a confession to make…

I I don’t think I can spell it.

Why? Because I adore men, I woff them, I admire them, I idolized them. I’ve spend more than 80% of my life just trying to get their attention. I’ve done things I actually wasted too much time doing like…wearing short-shorts to ballgames.

I’ve spent hours in front of makeup mirrors trying to hide a blemish. I’ve been seen running to the bathroom right in the middle of a World Series Game, at the bottom of the eight when the game is tied, just to make sure my hair looked ok.

Yeah…stupid. Really stupid. But this is what men do to women. The competition is stiff.

It’s so stiff that most women don’t even talk to other women, unless it’s about how much so and so loves her.

And you thought housecleaning was boring.

Women can’t help being what they are, anymore than men can.

You think men have got troubles? Too many women, not enough time?

Anyone who’s been around a young woman of 26 (sometimes this starts at 13) who has just GOT to have a baby before it’s too late knows what I’m talking about.

It’s not a “biological clock ticking” it’s more like an “Armageddon tsunami calling.”

If she doesn’t have a boyfriend…she’ll search until she finds a donor. She goes out like a stealth bomber, her “donor” radar up and running…

You don’t stand a chance…especially if she is good looking.

“Hmmm…he looks good! He can be my baby’s father…I just won’t tell him It doesn’t matter if he’s married with three kids, I’ll take care of it.”

Do you actually think we want to be like this?

If you had to have a contest to see which hormone messes up the human brain more, testosterone or estrogen, it would be a close call.

Example— High levels of testosterone can cause wars. But…picture a woman President on PMS making the war decision. Who do you think would have more logic? Get back to me on that.

I love men so much that there was a time when I was actually stood up waiting at various restaurants or bars for guys when I was single…17 times in a row! (Some kind of record) And I still could not hold anything against them.

Now, I must admit there are moments that I wondered just how in the world men can be on the cusp of genius and at then the very next moment have the IQ of mustard.

For instance, while girls are shopping for the perfect outfit, men are out seeing just how many objects can be shot out of a potato gun, besides a potato. Both useless activities can take up a whole afternoon.

I’ve also wondered if there was a woman around who could talk about something besides what outfit she was going to buy. And since I’d rather talk about parallel universes or the possibility of Bill Clinton maybe not taking over the earth, I’ve always preferred the company of men.

A woman can ask a man anything… (If she is attractive) and he will tell her how to build a nuclear submarine. It’s true. A smart woman will go to the bathroom and take notes.

Ask another woman, and she’d rather see you dead, because you are showing cleavage and she is not.

When I was a kid. I was happiest in a tree, or playing touch football with the boys down the street.

I actually played with dolls once…a whole day. That was enough. Barbie’s boobs were too big, her waist too small, and if she had actually tried to walk, she would have fallen flat on her face because her feet were the size of a baby mouse.

You could spend two hours just trying to make those little tiny shoes not fall off.

Let’s face it, pretending Barbie has a crush on Ken is nothing compared to going down the street and looking for the local alligator, or for a good coral snake to talk to. (I grew up near the Everglades) Or making a fort, or running toy cars through the sand, building cities to destroy….

When I grew up and got pregnant, I actually prayed for a boy. Tell me, have you ever heard a woman, who is having her first child say… “I really want a girl.” Neither have I.

Sorry to disappoint the feminists out there who think they can do anything a man can do. I hate to point out the fact that history has proven them way off mark…

Let’s see, men have given society the pyramids, the space shuttle, planes, computers, electricity, urban cities, machines that move mountains, televisions, automobiles, bull riding, artificial hearts, Amazon.com, the printing press, Disneyland, our constitution, guns, and atomic bombs, sewers…god…and that’s just a few things.

They have also given us great comedy, books, sports, video games, swimming pools, fireworks, and worthless instruction manuals.

But, in all fairness, without woman, most men would be lost. For woman provide two of the most basic necessities for life…they not only carry the children, but basically feed them until they are at least full height.

Men might be the cars, but women are the roads. A car doesn’t get too far in the mud.

I know bad, analogy…but really, men have no sense of direction. And even though it’s not in man’s nature to give woman credit for many of the ideas in the world,(due to hormones again) without the woman’s support and doing all the things every single day to make it possible for the men to do what they do, we would not have gotten this far.

Why do you think Pocahontas was with Lewis and Clark…for the sex? They had no clue which direction to go. If not for Pocahontas, Jefferson would have had to send out two women to go look for them and bring them back.

Why do you think Columbus got lost and ended up in the Bahamas? There was not a woman on board.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Women have just as much brain power as men. (Even if it is wired a little different) It’s not our capability of our brains that make us so different, it’s our hormones.

Well, I do feel bad that that poor reader did not find what he was looking for. I certainly hope that doesn’t keep him from coming back to the site and reading all the wonderful men writers.

I’m not the only female on the site, but I do know, that all the writers on mensnewsdaily, love America, are intelligent, thoughtful, funny, and full of passion.

And I’m damn proud to even be included among them.

I am just so sorry that I can’t spell…Joe.

But, I can tell you which way to go…just ask, I have a great sense of direction.

Nobody’s Perfect; Harry Paulson, our new guru of the U.S. Treasury, said that “America must welcome competition, and not be protectionists.” That is exactly why we have an $809 billion dollar deficit. I would like to point out that Harry is a man.

Nobody Knows; China has just built a new nuclear bunker for 200,000 people. In fact China has bunkers all over for its citizens. Although, I’m sure dogs will not be allowed due to the fact that they just killed 50,000 over there. (a few had rabies)

In America, only our politicians and their families have bunkers. Something tells me the elites will have thier pets.

So China will have millions of people and no dogs after a nuclear war. America will have only a handful of people, but probably every animal known on the planet, which they will have to trade to the Chinese for their very lives, when they come out.

Nobody Cares; Bill Clinton has gone around today and got together with the mayors of Rome, London, Mexico City and Los Angeles, and gotten them to pledge to cut greenhouse gas emissions.

Okay, I take it back. Bill Clinton should be replaced right away, with a woman…and preferably Ann Coutler.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 2nd, 2006 at 4:42 am and is filed under Vox Populi. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. | 13 views | Trackback | Print this page |

I am a nobody. If the different classes of America were color-coded, I would be in your yucky brown, one rink up from the bottom. I grew up in Naples, Florida and live near the Mississippi River now with my husband and two dogs. I am part of the slowly disappearing middle-class. I was a musician most of my life;drummer/singer/keyboards---but I retired before the plastic surgery flu hit. I have no degrees, which could be a good thing...depending on how you view our educational system. I do have three patents...but that really doesn't make me a somebody. The one thing that is constant in my life is my OPINIONS...which I have more of than perhaps even Carl Sagan could have imagined, mostly political. Hopefully other nobodys will put their opinions on my site. But if you are a sombody...you're more than welcomed to help out. I will try to prove that sometimes nobody knows the answers, sometimes nobody cares, sometimes nobody wins, and most importantly...NOBODY is perfect. Please bear this in mind when you read my thoughts. I don't mean to offend nobody, it's all in good fun. | More from Joyanna Adams