Parody Quotes
Mel Gibson: I’ve converted to Judaism and the press is invited to my Bar Mitzvah.
Rev. Jesse Jackson: I’ve taken a religious vow to give up the stoplight, from now on I will only give interviews to college radio stations and MSNBC.
Mike Tyson: I renounce violence, I will now longer chew on ears, it’s quiche for me from now on.
Hillary Clinton: Power is overrated, I’m giving up politics and dedicating the rest of my life to baking cookies and looking adoringly at my husband.
Ted Kennedy: I’m on the wagon, I just hope I don’t plunge this station wagon into a body of water and drown Bambi, my new intern.
Pat Robertson: The Lord spoke to me last night and told me I was full of crap.
Jerry Falwell: I’ve seen the light, homosexuality is not a sin and I’ve invited Lance Bass to my home for a private concert.
Snoop Dogg: I ain’t had no weed in most a year. Yo, anybody gots some Doritos, I’s really hungry.
Star Jones: Of course I love Barbara Walters, and I lost those 269 pounds sweating to the Oldies with Richard Simmons.
Paris Hilton: I’m celibate
Believe it or not, the last quote was actually uttered by Paris Hilton. The 25-year old socialite who gained international notoriety when a former lover posted a videotape of the couple having sex on the Internet denied leading a promiscuous lifestyle in an interview with GQ magazine.
“I’m not having sex for a year. … I’ll kiss, but nothing else,” says Hilton, who claims to have had sex with only two men during her lifetime.
Paris will give up sex for a year, yeah right! And Oprah will give up bonbons for a year, and George W. Bush won’t get into any more messes before he leaves the White House.
Sure, Paris is celibate, and I’m going to stop being such a smart a**.
