A Day In The Life: Hunger Striking Civil Rights Activist Inmate John Murtari

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The following message was written by John Murtari on August 20, the day before doctors removed his feeding tube. He learned on Wednesday they would not be reinserting it as planned. He immediately resumed his hunger strike; no food or liquid, just enough water to keep his mouth moist.
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John sounded weak on Friday, and I haven’t heard from him as expected this morning. I pray he’s in court today.
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A Day in Jail – Sunday 8/20

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It’s about 0530 AM when the guard opens the cell door and tells me
it’s time to shave. I had to sign up the night before. He gives me a
single edge disposable razor and a small paper cup filled with shaving
cream.
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I bring my plastic chair into the bathroom and sit down in front of
the sink. I slowly wash my face and am careful to avoid the feeding
tube. It’s taped to my nose and goes in via my left nostril. The
last tube was in my right nostril and used to move freely.
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This tube has been in since Wednesday and is jammed tight. It hurt
going in and the Doctor said my nasal passages were more constricted
on that side. The sinus pressure is always there, but the discomfort
of swallowing is much worse.
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I slowly wash and then spread the shaving cream on my neck, below my
beard. As I slowly pull the razor I remember a couple of guards in
the post asking me if I was sure I wanted to shave, that I look
exhausted.
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I have kept it up, every other day. I keep it up in response to my
Air Force training for survival in prisoner environments. Keep
yourself clean and dignified. Stick to a daily routine. I’m trying.
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After shaving, I slide the razor under the cell door. The guard will
pick it up later. I go back to bed. It is about 6 AM, another hour
till breakfast. I do have the luxury of a hospital bed.
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I have the head very elevated to keep the acid down. Since the tube
goes down into the stomach, it prevents a small value from closing
that keeps stomach contents out of the esophagus.
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I can’t sleep on my back because of discomfort from the tube. The
best I can do is my side. I don’t have a pillow. What I have is a
towel I fold up near my head. To make it softer I cover it with a
T-shirt.
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I’m exhausted as I curl up on my side. I make the sign of the Cross,
put my hands together and pray. I’ve rediscovered a sequence of
prayers that I used to always say in bed when I was growing up at
home. The Our Father – The Hail Mary – The Act of Contrition.
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The memories come back of when I was a kid. It was a big house and
there were always plenty of strange noises at night. I would pull the
sheets over my head and pray, “God, keep me safe!” The prayer is not
too different now. I want to just quit and tell them to pull this
tube out of my throat. Can’t I just quit now? I pray for Faith &
Strength. I pray for freedom.
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It’s hard to get comfortable. I have to be careful not to snag the
tube – ouch! I think I get a little sleep before they call,
“Breakfast trays are here.”
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This is a hospital ward. The cells open into a common area that has a
small TV and chairs along with tables where we have our meals.
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I get my tray. It has cereal and a piece of coffee cake. A small
orange juice (4 oz) and some 1% milk (8 oz). The juice and milk is
all I will have. I heat them up in a small microwave oven – it’s the
only warm food I get. The tube feedings are all cold.
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The guard is tracking what I eat. I have to sit at the table for a
while to be tempted by the food. When I’m done, some of the other
prisoners I know can finish my tray – they like that.
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After breakfast, I go back to my cell and brush my teeth. At 0800 we
have to lock-in to our cells till 0830 everyday. I sit on my bed and
read a selection from the Book of Psalms in a Bible I was given by
Jail Minister. They help prisoners with a lot of little things that
can be very difficult when you are in Jail. During a previous
sentence I found myself in Jail on Christmas – they made sure we all
get a little gift. A clean pair of socks, a peppermint stick and a
few candy bars – it was greatly appreciated! They are a wonderful
group of people.
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I read the Psalms slowly, I can relate to the cry for help, for
justice, for protection. I’m also thankful for all I have -
especially a son who loves me very much.
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Because it is Sunday there is a change in routine. The guard calls
for those who had signed up for Catholic services. If you want to go
to services on Sunday, you have to sign up on Thursday, no exceptions.
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The service is held in a large common area located on the first floor
of the jail. There are about 50-60 prisoners there. I think only
about 10 are practicing Catholicism. It’s unfortunate, but most of
them are just there for something to do. Maybe to see friends from
other areas of the jail. I’m sure the Priest and the other volunteers
hosting the services know that. They are trying to spread Faith and
you never know when the moment comes and someone is listening.
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After the service it is back to our cell area, called a POD. Lunch
trays arrive around 1100. I just take the 8 oz. Milk off my tray and
warm it up. Swallowing is uncomfortable. We are locked in to our
cells again between 12 and 1. Again, I take out my Bible and read
more Psalms.
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A little while later I hear the squeak of an IV stand and I know one
of the nurses are coming to feed me. They open my cell and I sit at a
table and uncoil the feeding tube from where it usually hangs over my
neck.
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They first use a big syringe to put some air through it while
listening to my stomach with a stethoscope. That confirms proper
placement. Then they pour 2 cans of Carnation Instant Breakfast into
a bag, hang it from the cart and connect it to the tube. It takes
about 20-30 minutes to drop in the 500 ml of liquid. I just sit
there. There is no taste at all.
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When done I’m careful not to lie down or the fluid could flow up my
esophagus. They tell me to wait about an hour. The feeding normally
happens 4 times a day; 0900, 1300, 1800, and 2200.

I do a little recreational reading in the afternoon and also make
trips to our rec yard.
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It is concrete on every side and opens only on one side to the
outdoors. The lower half has translucent glass – so we can see
directly outside. The upper half is a tight chain link. You can see
the sky and feel the sun and the wind.
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We get locked in again at 1430-1515. That is for shift change and the
evening crew comes on duty.
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There is a telephone we can use but it only places collect calls and
the rates are not cheap. The jail also has an internal store system
called Commissary. They carry a wide selection of food and snack
items, personal hygiene, and stationery and stamps. If you are
arrested with money, that goes into your jail account. Family can
drop off cash at the jail or money orders by mail are accepted.
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The jail food is okay, but there is not a lot of quantities. Some
people order a lot of food every week. The jail keeps the profit from
sales.
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When the evening shift comes on they bring our mail. I usually get
3-4 letters each day and it is great reading the words of support.
They help remind me of why I am here.
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Dinner trays come around 1700. All I have is a cup of Kool-Aid that
is served. Again, I heat it up in the microwave. Swallowing has
become more difficult and the tube more uncomfortable. If I try to
lie down I can sense acid in my throat even hours after a feeding.
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We lock-in again between 1800-1900. Again, I brush my teeth and do
more reading from the Psalms. I normally also try to exercise in my cell
during the lock-in following our meals. But the discomfort from the
tube is just too much. To avoid the pain of swallowing I just let the
saliva build up in my mouth and spit it into toilet paper.
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In the evening I try to relax and distract myself for a while. A
preseason football game provides the best relief.
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At 2200 we lock in for the night. I just had my feeding and don’t
even try to lie down. Sometimes I have more luck lying on one side
versus the other — but it doesn’t matter tonight.
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I get up to look at the clock, it’s 2 AM, it’s going to be a long
night!
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John Murtari
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John’s address in jail changes, you can get updates here. Today it’s:
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John Murtari
POD 5A-9
555 South State Street
Syracuse, NY 13202
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This entry was posted on Monday, August 28th, 2006 at 3:25 pm and is filed under Vox Populi. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. | 4 views | Trackback | Print this page |

I'm a sun and nature loving, 50-something, laid back, forward thinking, liberal anti-feminist egalitarian, san francisco bay area native, single mom of 4 and yia yia to 2. I've been active in the equal parenting movement since 2002. Known as the purple Queen of Equality, I once blogged as the Feminist4Fathers. Find me now on sharedparentingworks.org and jugsforjustice.org. | More from Teri Stoddard