Don’t Marry a Career Woman: The Debate Heats Up
Wondering about that muffled howl you’ve been hearing the last couple weeks? It’s the sound and fury of feminists reacting to Michael Noer’s latest exegesis, Don’t Marry a Career Woman.
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Noer’s column, which ran at Forbes.com, surveyed marriages in which the wives doggedly pursue a high-powered career, all the while neglecting family and home. The research shows these women are more likely to be unhappy if she earns more than the guy, or if she quits her job and stays home. Either way, she’s going to be a grump.
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Her husband is more prone to be discontented if she is the primary breadwinner. The house is going to be dirtier. In the end, she is more apt to cheat on him and the marriage will fall apart. [www.forbes.com/2006/08/23/Marriage-Careers-Divorce_cx_mn_land.html]
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Of course, these findings don’t apply to every ambitious woman who has risen to the top of her field – but the connection is true in many cases.
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In practically every woman’s magazine, you’ll find advice columns to help the reader find Mr. Right and then entice her football-addled boyfriend to commit for the long-haul.
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But when a male columnist dispenses relationship advice for men, that appears to be strictly verboten — at least according to the Shrieking Sisters of Silliness who cut loose on Mr. Noer.
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On Good Morning America, one Rutgers U. prof claimed to be absolutely shocked: “I’m surprised that the man thinks it. I’m astonished that he wrote it. And I’m astonished that anyone published it, particularly Forbes.†(No word whether MIT professor Nancy Hopkins swooned at the news.)
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Forbes hastily arranged for reporter Elizabeth Corcoran to pen a response sporting the acid title, “Don’t Marry a Lazy Man.†Describing Noer’s factual article as “frightening,†she dispensed this condescending advice about men: “If he can pick up new ideas faster than your puppy, you’ve got a winner.â€
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Needless to say, Ms. Corcoran’s screed only reinforced the worst stereotypes of the “I-know-what-I-want-and-I-know-how-to-get-it†career woman portrayed in Noer’s column.
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Thereupon the readers jumped into the fray, all recounting their grudges about members of the opposite sex. A pretty picture it was not, but the debate is long-overdue: http://forums.forbes.com/forbes/board?board.id=respond_marry_career_woman and http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1688730/posts .
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Part of the ladies’ discomfiture with Mr. Noer’s article springs from the fact that for the last 30 years, discussions about women in the workforce have been guided by the unspoken rule, “Men’s Opinions Don’t Count.â€
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But then women’s one-sided conversations lapsed into over-wrought declamations about men who didn’t pitch in around the house, forgetting that that men often put in longer hours on the job, commute longer distances, and do physical labor that leaves them exhausted.
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Doesn’t mowing the grass, killing creepy-crawlers that traipse through the kitchen, clearing leaves out of the gutter, and coaching Little League count for anything?
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And let’s not forget the old axiom that rights and responsibilities go hand-in-hand. If women are demanding more rights, then what additional duties – like compulsory registration for the draft — are they going to shoulder?
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Ironically, the same day that Michael Noer published his op-ed, columnist Nancy Levant came out with a fem-ripper called The Cultural Devastation of Women. [www.newswithviews.com/Levant/nancy55.htm]
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Levant deplored the fact that thanks to the libbers, American women “now hire maid services, landscapers, pool cleaners, painters, interior decorators. . . .while losing every intuitive aspect of our female natures.†In the process, women “use men like ATMs†and “bankrupt multiple men with mandatory child support payments.â€
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One can only imagine the hullabaloo if Mrs. Levant had uttered such heresy at Forbes.
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So what’s a career woman to do? For a moment, let’s can the feminist ideology and take stock of that rare commodity, common sense.
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Have you ever seen a woman (or man, for that matter) exclaim at death’s door, “I only wish that I could have spent more time in the office� Neither have I.
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It’s no secret that the most rewarding parts of a person’s life revolve around relationships with spouses, children, and other family. So why are career women driven to dismember those connections that give the most meaning to their lives?
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It’s true that women find satisfaction and fulfillment from paid work. And some have no choice but to get a full-time job.
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But the reality is, wives’ happiness is not tied to living out of a suitcase or having an equal paycheck with their husbands. Indeed, the opposite is true. When husbands are the primary wage earners, wives have more freedom to pursue their own interests.
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So Mr. Noer, lick off those wounds, straighten up that tie, and sharpen your pencil. Get ready for Round Two.
| More from Carey Roberts
Stumble It!
September 11th, 2006 at 6:28 am
Gentlemen,
We need to simply keep at it. We know the truth of this whole devasting myth of the ’satisfied career woman’ We need to do the following:
1)Not partake in it. When in positions of responsibllity, simply do not encourage it. Hire the older more established man or reward the woman who has raised her family.
2) Encourage men to take a dim view of this whole stupidity.
3) when in a discussion of the topic be calm but immutable. You, just as our fathers were with us (Or should have been)stick to your guns, No is simply no. I don’t buy it. Yes we both work, but yes I still mow the lawn, fix the plumbing, build the playsets so you will have to shop for food and prepare the meals. sorry, that’s life. If you want a more rewarding life dearest wife, do like I have, figure out what your dissatisfaction is and fix it. Don’t stand there in the aisle of the grocery store of life and scream Like a two year old “Men are so mean” It’s not us dear heart it is you. Being so overwhelmed by the choices that true freedom give you, you want it all and when you can’t have it all (at once anyway) you blame Daddy.
Grow up.
September 11th, 2006 at 9:14 am
To the harpies’ credit, they’re angry partly because the article appeared in Forbes which is considered a businessness magazine. But they made a critical error by flying off the handle because it only drew unwanted attention. Didn’t they ever hear of the saying that there’s no such thing as bad publicity? The WORST thing that could have happened to Noer, I imagine, is that they could have ignored him and then silently told all their buddies at other publishers to blackball him. They probably already have done just this, but now everyone is going to know why!
Corcoran’s response only proved many of the points Noer made including that such women are hypercritical and demanding. After reading her article bragging about being married to her husband for 17 years or so, I felt bad for the poor guy. It sounds like he’s been walking on eggshells that whole time.
In many cases, admittantly, career women may not be worse than any others. Many normal women who are not especially career driven often have the feminist attitude of entitlement viewing men as ATM machines and sacrificial lambs. Check out Jerry Spinger or Montel Williams sometime. Those working class guys probably almost wish their wives were out working more and didn’t have so much time to watch TV!
Also, many career women may be fine provided the man meets up to her demanding selfish standards of women making good money and then finding a man who earns at least as much as she does. It’s selfish as hell but possible much like winning a few bucks on a scratcher and there are plenty of men with decent incomes who have content career women. What may be driving much of the hostile reaction to Noer’s article is that there are fewer such men left to make these women perfectly happy. Many professional men are not willing to settle down on their timetables regardless of whether the women are nice or not and this annoys them. It’s like the hunters blaming the deer for not being in abundance after the killing spree last year.
September 11th, 2006 at 9:58 am
To the point. Great job explaining the obvious that the media knows but fails to communicate.
In addition, woman who are unhappy in a marriage divorce that cause a world of hurt for the husband. Little or no reason is required to send the guys life and career in a tail spin.
No-fault divorce means that a spouse can divorce you for any reason. Most of the time woman divorce for selfish reasons like “I was unhappy.”
To PolishKnight point that non-career woman have feminist’s attitude, I hear what you write from many friend’s stories. The details vary, but the result is the same – a lazy, complaining, divorcing wife.
September 11th, 2006 at 6:53 pm
Why would any man WANT to marry a career woman in the first place?
To get ahead in their career, any woman (or man) has to make sacrifices, dedicating a substantial portion of his or her time and energy toward his or her professional development.
To get ahead, one has to pay the Piper.
So……. given that men married to career-oriented women:
1. Cannot expect to enjoy much quality time with a career woman.
2. Cannot expect those career women to do many or any of those tasks considered women’s traditional roles.
3. Cannot expect to even have a reasonably high prioritization from their career-oriented wives.
4 CAN expect to be blamed for any number of shortcomings, pitfalls, missteps, and adverse consequences of his wife’s decisions or lack thereof, regardless of whether he actually is RESPONSIBLE for those shortcomings, pitfalls, missteps and advese consequences.
For in the end, those women who try to play the game and fail will need a scapegoat to blame…. and to punish. Guess who fits the bill?
There’s no advantage whatsoever for men to marry a career woman (or any woman) in America.
NONE…… Only risks.
There are no benefits to men from marrying career women that are not also available without marrying them.
NONE……. Only risks.
And by-and-large America’s career women know this to be true…… which is why a significant number of them are coiled up and hissing at articles like this one in Forbes.