Disassociated Press:
In an unanticipated aftereffect of “Memogate”, CBS’s revelation of a
memo allegedly detailing preferential treatment given to President
Bush during his time in the National Guard, the memo has turned out to
be proof that the U.S. government has been collaborating with aliens
and concealing it from the public for decades.

“It began when those bloggers sitting in their living rooms in their
pajamas writing pointed out that the memo could not have been written
on a 1972 typewriter. It was clearly written using Microsoft Word,”
Mr. Jones, a spokesman for the super-secret Federal Agency of Alien
Affairs, explained. Conservative journalists cited this as evidence
that the memo was a forgery, but as Jones revealed, the truth was more
complex.

Waving aside penetrating queries about why they didn’t send assassins
after Chris Carter before he made their activities common knowledge,
Jones went on, “Of course, the aliens handed Microsoft Word and other
software over to the U.S. government back in the 50’s in exchange for,
um, stuff. But we were supposed to use it only within the system until
the public was ready to handle it. We’ve been releasing the alien
technology behind various fronts, such as Microsoft and Sony, a little
bit at a time.”

The now-famous memo, Jones explained, was written on one of the
government’s secret alien-designed computers decades before the
technology was allowed to reach the public. “The definitive proof is
there, and we can’t deny it any longer,” he says ruefully. “Now the
public pressure to make holodecks and time travel commercially
available will be unbelievable.”

The aliens were not available for comment. A call to Bill Gates’
office was answered by a secretary who said that he had “returned to
the mother ship”.

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