Somewhere in a Cave, Osama bin Laden Is Celebrating!
John W. Lillpop
Somewhere in a Cave, Osama bin Laden Is Celebrating!
Osama bin Laden reportedly gets CNN on the television in his cave. It is rumored that the brutal terrorist prefers CNN to Al Jazeera because the later is too objective and “pro-west†in its coverage. With the exception of Wolfe Blitzer, OBL sees CNN as the terrorist’s choice for news—unfair and unbalanced to America, Israel, and infidels in general.
It is a safe bet than Osama knew the results of Tuesday’s elections very early in the evening, probably at least two or three hours before President Bush knew. That is just one of the advantages of being “in†with the maestros at the Zogby Poll service. John Zogby reportedly sent text messages to Osama every time a race was decided, and gave OBL a personal live call once the Democrats achieved majority status in the U.S. House.
Osama bin Laden immediately sent a congratulatory e-mail to Nancy Pelosi. OBL said the following to the Speaker-elect of the U.S. House:
“Dear Ms. Pelosi,
Praise be to Allah!
We have learned that Allah has delivered the U.S. House from the clutches of that evil infidel—George W. Bush—and into the hands of those who will accept the complete domination of Islam in America.
We know that eliminating your Constitution and other secular Christian laws will take time. Because of the complexities involved, we are prepared to wait 60 days after your swearing-in as House Speaker before demanding that Islam become the law, and the only law, in America.
That means that by March 6, 2007, we expect to see Islam fully installed in America.
Praise be to Allah!
We were concerned that you might be unable or unwilling to surrender that quickly. We now understand that you have been working with this goal in mind for several years now.
We ask that, for obvious reasons, Dianne Feinstein, Joe Lieberman, and Charles Schumer be excluded from any formal proceedings.
One last bit of information is vital: Be advised that all females in your U.S. Congress will be required to wear appropriate burkha face wear from this date forward. No exceptions.
Praise be to Allah!
Also, as of March 6, 2007, there shall be no females allowed in your capitol city of Washington, D.C. In addition, we have been advised that your party is infested with people like Barney Frank and other “girly-men.â€
All such individuals, regardless of party affiliation or seniority, must be stoned to death before March 6.
Thanking you and Howard Dean in advance, I remain sincerely yours.
Praise be to Allah!
OBL.â€
Well, there you go. And who said Nancy Pelosi was too naïve to be Speaker of the U.S. House?
John Lillpop is a recovering liberal, "clean and sober" since 1992 when last he voted for a Democrat. Pray for John: He lives in the San Francisco Bay Area, where people like Nancy Pelosi are considered reasonable! | More from John Lillpop
Stumble It!
November 8th, 2006 at 8:39 pm
This commentary is beyond pathetic, if fully anticipated.
Every faux-conservative deserves to grieve…
John ‘Lil?
What’s your next gambit?
November 9th, 2006 at 6:06 pm
I know what your next gambit could be, John. Make fun of dumbass libs like DudWithGirls.
November 9th, 2006 at 10:08 pm
Squiggy,
TWO whole sentences? (No spelling errors?)
I knew you could do it, man!
Now you are up to # 2 in my aforementioned guidance re. the “argumentation crafts” –
* Stating your actual thesis in three or more semi-articulate sentences.
I’m still a believer, Squiggy!