Jimmy Carter Announces Funeral Plans, Wants To Be Buried In Foreign Soil
Why Jimmy Carter would want to be buried in foreign soil is anybody’s guess, but the former president, whose administration was the economic equivalent of root canal while in the throes of amoebic dysentery, has announced his funeral plans.
Carter wants to be buried in front of his home in Plains, Georgia. At this point, we can only speculate how many of brother Billy’s empty beer cans will be dug up by the backhoe. Any bets?
Jimmy also wants a funeral in Washington, which promises to be quite the somber experience. It’ll be like Ronald Reagan’s funeral without all the pesky people getting in your line of sight.
It’s often said that Carter “was a better ex-president than president,” but trying to decide if Jimmy was a better president or ex-president is like figuring out if you prefer the hemorrhoid on the left butt cheek, or the right one.
Carter is probably still in full-blown “Enzyte Bob” mode, as his pal and anti-American goon Hugo Chavez just won re-election as president of Venezuela.
The legacy that Jimmy Carter will leave behind once his funeral plans are fulfilled would be comical if it weren’t dangerous. The self-appointed Special Ambassador to Everywhere has spent the better part of a few decades using his platform as a former president of the U.S. to practice conflict resolution overseas, bash America, and encourage murderers and their victims to find common ground.
Not long ago, Carter monitored the Palestinian elections, where the Islamic militant group Hamas won an overwhelming majority in the legislature.
Here’s what Jimmy Carter had to say about the Palestinian election mere hours after the voting: “The elections were completely honest, completely fair, completely safe and without violence.” We can only wish Carter could offer that same type of knee-jerk deference to an American election.
Remember the days when Billy was the embarrassing Carter?
What Jimmy Carter, knowingly or unknowingly, said to the world that day was that suicide bombings and other violence at polling places won’t occur as long as terrorists are allowed a spot on the ballot.
There are two options with Jimmy Carter: He’s either a gullible fool in search of a legacy or a closet despot lover in search of a closet.
Back in 2002, Carter visited Cuba and hooked up with Fidel Castro for what almost resembled a creepy eHarmony.com ad. At the time, Carter’s visit rankled nerves in the Bush administration because it was thought that Castro had, at the very least, a limited biological-weapons program.
Carter came out of his trip doubting that Cuba had any such programs. Why? You guessed it: Because Castro told him he didn’t. Well, that and because Castro granted Carter “free access to any place that you may wish to see” (with 24-hour notice for “tidying up”). The Cuban government also told its people that they were free to speak openly with Carter, provided they were polite, courteous and willing to spend the next 20 years in a labor camp.
Why does Jimmy Carter seem to have a soft spot for less than desirable dictators and varied despots around the globe? Simply psychology. The malaise, stagflation, low morale, high misery index, bad leisure suit and disco years that were his presidency look great next to the human rights violations, oppression and violent iron fisted rule of the likes of Castro, Hamas, Chavez, Ahmadinejad, et al.
Carter has figured out what’s helped many an ex-president out of a bad legacy jam. You can’t change history, but you can alter your present company. As Rodney Dangerfield’s character eloquently put it in his movie Back to School, “If you want to look thin, hang out with fat people.”
Jimmy Carter has announced his burial plans, and word has it that he’s already down in Plains trying to mediate the dirt out of the hole. I’m a little surprised that Carter didn’t want to be buried in Venezuela, Cuba, or the Middle East — a little closer to home.
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Gee, all Carter has done since leaving office is win the Nobel Peace Prize, the Hoover Medal, the Harry Truman Public Service Award, The Albert Sweitzer Prize for Humanitarianism, and the Fullbright Prize for International Understanding, among dozens of other awards. He’s written several best selling books, won a Grammy, and kick started Habitat for Humanity where he personally helped to build homes for poor people.
Doug Powers, on the other hand, writes a snarky blog that compares Carter to a hemorrhoid.
I’ve got an idea Doug, why don’t you try doing 1/10th of what Carter has done for people before you start throwing stones. Or is sitting on your ass and criticizing people who actually do things to make this world a better place more your style?
Please leave Billy Carter alone. He IS the respectable brother.
The sooner this geriatric hippy Jimmy Carter rests in peace, the better it will be for all of us. He sincerely believes, from the bottom of his bottom, that everything he is doing is an improvement, and will bring peace, to the US and to Israel. He thinks he is smarter and more sophisticated, than all the war-mongering rednecks. It originated on their college campus paradise, when they passed around a joint, and learned how to blame the US, for provoking everything our enemy does, and spit on our police and military. Whenever they are in power, or using their conflict resolution, their cycle of violence lies, and promises of peace, empower our enemies. He is on a life long crusade, to just get everyone to sit in a circle, pass around a joint, and talk about what is bothering them, it will bring to the world this paradise of world peace. They believe we have progressed as a society, to the point that war is no longer necessary and all conflicts, must be resolved by negotiations. However, the history of the world has demonstrated the reality; we have always had wars, and always will. Nothing in the real world has changed to end this; the weak have always been replaced or dominated by the strong. Nothing in the reality of the Christian world has changed either, to make world peace possible; the last thing Jesus told us was “you will have wars,†and “carry a sword.†Jesus hasn’t returned and told us it’s time to beat our swords into plowshares, or turn our tanks into tractors. The only thing that has changed is their hippy propaganda of cowardice, It is an irrational misunderstanding of “do unto others as they would do unto you,†But it’s in a more scientific way like, “for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction,†Everything our enemy does is directly caused by what we did to provoke them. If these hippies can tie our hands, so that we are no longer provoking our enemy, there will finally be peace. They say, “Make love not war.†They say “he who lives by the sword dies by the sword.†They seem to not understand the reality of the world is, “he who lives without a sword, dies even faster.†They sincerely believe they can stop our enemy’s intention to attack us, by stopping what we are doing to provoke the enemy. They are better at making the case for our enemy’s is hostility, than is our enemy. They do not want to consider the possibility that our enemy wants to attack us, for their own reasons and is personally responsible for their hostility. The mass delusion of this movement was used by the communists, in the Vietnam War, to politically weaken the US ability to fight. It is being used now by everyone else, to sway public opinion, and make it politically impossible, for the US and for Israel to fight wars. It popularizes cowardice to the point of being absolute. RIP