Top Ten Endorsement Opportunities For The Panty-less Britney Spears
Spokesperson for the Democratic Party:Â Read My Lips, No Bush!
Gillette Skank II Razor Blades: Dual-blade technology. One blade cuts the hair, the second one scraps away the crabs.
Slut Away Repellent: Do you have a no-drawers wearing friend who lets her mini skirt hike all the way up to her pierced belly button? Does she stain your sofa? Try Skank Away Repellent; its aroma of dusty Bibles and scent of Debby Boone is guaranteed to drive away even the most outrageous slut.
Panty-less Whore Magazine: Tired of air-brushed girl next door types? Our cover girls have C-section scars and wounds from knife fights.
Whores R Uz Fashions: Introducing our micro mini-skirt made of the sheerest fabric. This skirt is guaranteed to hike all the way up to your belly at the slightest breeze, so you can show off your goodies.
The New Britney Spears Talking Barbie Doll: Includes many fashion accessories. Batteries and panties not included.
Cool-Ban Shades: Revolutionary technology protects you from harmful ultra-violet rays and blurs the genitals of hoochies who aren’t wearing panties.
Presto Snap-On Priest’s Collar: Going for a walk and don’t want to be disturbed by flashing floozies? Put on our Presto collar and tramps will look for someone else to bother.
HepCat Harlot Detector: Want to give strumpets a wide berth. Our amazing harlot detector starts playing “Oops I did it again” when it detects a no-panties wearing hussy.
The Victoria’s Secret Britney Spears Panties: Our brand new panties are invisible. Guaranteed never to wear out! Panties are free! Deluxe packaging: $9.99
I write a weekly column for a small town newspaper in Virginia, and I also write for several Web sites. Please leave a comment or send me an email at: rreyes4966@aol.com | More from Robert Paul Reyes
Stumble It!
December 4th, 2006 at 8:40 am
Again with Britney’s crotch?
December 4th, 2006 at 12:26 pm
I hope her fans take up a collection and send this poor woman some panties.
Poor girl, obviously her former husband must have stolen all of hers.
There, I knew I’d find a way to make it a man’s fault.
December 4th, 2006 at 7:10 pm
Sure have laying on the fluff lately. Trying to keep us from noticing your Senator Webb is acting like a complete a**hole? You must be so proud.
December 4th, 2006 at 9:28 pm
I submit an essay to MND almost every day; I think I’m entitled to write a “fluff” piece every now and then.
Webb, a decorated war hero and former boxer doesn’t suffer fools gladly. If Bush cared about Webb’s son and about the thousands of other American soldiers in Iraq he would bring them home.
December 4th, 2006 at 10:28 pm
How are Britany Spears and Arnie Swarznegger alike. He’s no girly-man; he doesn’t wear panties either.
December 5th, 2006 at 5:49 am
Robert, you (and other liberals I’ve seen) are doing exactly as you libs did with Clinton – obfuscating, ignoring, and changing the subject. What does being a war hero have to do with being a jerk, and insulting the POTUS in the white house? Bush was nice to him, and he showed his true butthead colors. What kind of jerk gets invited to a presidential dinner (or for that matter, anyone’s dinner) and insults the host?
On a side note, what is Webb’s son doing in Iraq? Could he, like 99.9% of our soldiers, believe in what he’s doing?
December 5th, 2006 at 6:33 am
“Webb, a decorated war hero and former boxer doesn’t suffer fools gladly. If Bush cared about Webb’s son and about the thousands of other American soldiers in Iraq he would bring them home.”
Ah yes, its all Bush’s fault. Why just yesterday I filed a wrongful death suit against him for the death of my toenail. I stubbed it on the TV when I kicked it because he pissed me off don-cha-know.
TMOTS
December 5th, 2006 at 7:23 am
stands2p said,
“Again with Britney’s crotch”
Well, we certainly can’t discuss her mind, can we?
December 5th, 2006 at 5:31 pm
Hal said,
Robert, you (and other liberals I’ve seen) are doing exactly as you libs did with Clinton – obfuscating, ignoring, and changing the subject. What does being a war hero have to do with being a jerk, and insulting the POTUS in the white house? Bush was nice to him, and he showed his true butthead colors. What kind of jerk gets invited to a presidential dinner (or for that matter, anyone’s dinner) and insults the host?
On a side note, what is Webb’s son doing in Iraq? Could he, like 99.9% of our soldiers, believe in what he’s doing?
And still no comeback, Robert?
December 6th, 2006 at 1:09 am
Squiggy wrote:
“On a side note, what is Webb’s son doing in Iraq? Could he, like 99.9% of our soldiers, believe in what he’s doing?”
Webb’s son and the great majority of our soldiers, follow orders with pride and courage, and they believe in what they are doing.
But asking our brave soldiers to put down an insurgency, quell a civil war, police criminal gangs, stop elite Iranian soldiers from infliltrating the Shiite area, prevent terrorists from invading from Syria and set up a democracy IS ASKING THE IMPOSSIBLE.
We would need an army of half a million to even begin to accomplish those goals.
December 6th, 2006 at 8:20 am
I think that Brittany would make a nice gift for our troops in Iraq. I’m sure that they would appreciate a little “show” for them. Why should the photographers have all of the fun?
A digressive comment;
Our soldiers swear to defend our country from all enemies, foreign and domestic. They didn’t swear to spread socialism (i.e. democracy). I hope that their leaders will soon realize that Bush is a domestic enemy and take action against him and his neocon buddies.
December 8th, 2006 at 4:58 pm
It is interesting to note that when the subject is war, the comments turn to the subject of Britney Spears, and when the subject is Britney, the comments end up about war.
December 8th, 2006 at 5:01 pm
It is nice to read humorous essays such as this every so often, amidst all of the serious ones. Robert, you are very clever!