Saw someone yesterday
I went to the store last night for a late night meal. I’m not doing too well with crowds as of late, so I try to do any shopping then. Anyway. Saw a student of mine, or should I say, a former student of mine.
Little background – I used to teach some computer classes at the community college, mostly for people re-engineering their careers. “Anne” was one such student. She had left a truly abusive relationship with her ex-husband – not one where he said “No” and it was abuse, but I am talking black eyes and split lips. I knew her and her husband before then – in fact, I reccommended she go to the college.
(Yes, there are bad men. Never said there wasn’t, just that the case is way overstated, and that there are also many false accusations. Because it does happen, doesn’t mean every pronouncement is true.)
Anyway, Anne had issues with independence, and like many women, she got sucked into a lesbian relationship, defending it with “I’m sick of being abused by men; a woman would never do that to me.” She just couldn’t live alone, and take care of herself. So, she found a woman to be her man.
So what did Anne have?
A black eye. A swollen nose. A cut lip. Bruises up and down her arm. And all done by “Mary.” And not for the first time. Seems Anne had fallen into the same trap – and now couldn’t get out. Or, rather, didn’t think she could get out. And all my urging for her to just leave was for naught – just like with Bob.
As nice a lady as Anne can be, like too many women, Anne has issues. She sees herself as a perpetual victim, and a spectator in her own life, and has trouble coming to grips with the fact that she is a participant in her own life. She is a passive woman, and seeks out a controlling and dominating person who will run her life. Then, when she feels comfortable, she rebels a bit, chafes under the control – and winds up with the controller -well – exerting control.  She is afraid Mary will out her. She is afraid Mary will collaborate with Bob to take her kid away (With good reason, too – Mary has threatened just that). She doesn’t see her participation in her own abuse, as it is easier to just blame someone else – in this case, men – for her own victimization.
She’s not happy with Mary. She even told me that they have had fights because she winds up drunk and having sex with men, which really drives Mary batshit – last time, Mary broke a couple ribs and raped her (even though Anne didn’t call it “Rape” – though I’d say forced sodomy with a – um – “sex toy” does qualify).
But, Anne is determined to be a Lesbian, and determined to continue the cycle, and determined to be in denial, and determined to be a victim. And I have seen this play out over and over. Lord have mercy. So what could I do but tell Anne “Good luck” and go to the check out? Saving someone from themselves is a waste of time in these days – it’s impossible. And as bad as Bob was – and he was a drunken shitheel who deserved his testicles revoked – she was better off with him than Mary. Mary is an emotional terrorist, on top of everything else. And Bob never beat Anne as bad as Mary does. Bob Left bruises. Mary breaks bones. Anne had to wear sunglasses with Bob, but now she accessorizes with slings and Ace bandages. Bob pretty much kicked Anne to the curb when she left him. Mary stalks Anne, and Anne goes back out of fear Mary will run her down or something. Bob never forced Anne to have sex – he just went out and got it somewhere else.
It’s a great disservice we do in the way we teach the baloney propaganda that females are “Sugar and spice.” This is what Anne, and many other fall victim to, that “A woman would never do that, especially to another woman.” May I be first in line to call “Bullshit?” Fact is, any woman who seeks out a lesbian partnering to escape “violence at the hands of men” is living in a dream world. Any DV shelter will grudgingly admit that the incidence is as high, and that there are even some additional hurdles such women face. And a lot of studies place it even higher (Though I’m not going to play the cite game, so put a cork in it. We can counter all day and it won’t get us anywhere). Fact is, when feminist sinkholes like DV advocacy groups “grudgingly” admit to an incidence at least as high, there is smoke. When they start hemming and hawing about “nuances” and “dynamics” you are not just smelling smoke, but seeing the haze. We have a fire, folks.
Newsflash: Indeed, women are people too. Which means that they can be just as nasty and brutal as men.
Nastier, too. One of the dynamics cited by many people that play into such things is the tendancy for social workers and law enforcement to view lesbian violence as a mutal thing, and police are as likely to either not make an arrest at all as they are to arrest both. In most states lesbians can’t get a domestic restraining order, because such orders aren’t given out against women – period. This isn’t just the states that limit it de jure, but what is de facto. That is right – your feminist “Sistahs” who have campaigned against men so hard to paint women as perpetual victims are the ones who have made it impossible to protect yourself against another woman.
And for any lesbian reading this – you really think your “breeder” sisters are going to give up their privilege to be immune from prosecution on DV for your sake? C’mere – I have some farmland in Florida for cheap that you and me have just GOT to talk about…
Saddest thing about it, too – things won’t change until it is perceived as “hurting women.”
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