I believe that it is fair to say that men who openly seek subservient or submissive wives would be likely to be criticized by many people. They might even be reluctant to go public with their preferences. However, I think there is a case that such men may not be simply “pigs,†“beasts,†or “male chauvinists†but have valid reasons for wanting these types of wives.
Perhaps we need to first discuss what is meant by the terms “subservient†and “submissive.†Dictionary.com gives the first two definitions of “subservient†as follows: 1. Serving or acting in a subordinate capacity; subordinate. 2. Servile; excessively submissive; obsequies.†The second definition has clearly negative connotations with the use of the adjective “excessively.â€ÂÂ
When I plugged in the “submissive†I pulled up a definition reading “inclined or ready to submit; unresistingly or humbly obedient.†The word “submit†itself drew up the following definitions relevant to this essay: 1. To give over or yield to the power or authority of another. 2. To yield oneself to the power or authority of another. 3. To defer to another’s judgment, opinion, decision, etc.
Thus, it would seem that a man who wants a subservient or submissive wife wants a wife who regards him as the couple or family decision-maker. I believe Marabel Morgan, author of The Total Woman, described the wife’s role as that of Vice-President to her husband’s President. Or as a woman I once knew who advocated wifely submission put it, “That means that she gets her say and he gets his say but his say goes.â€ÂÂ
It is also likely that men who desire subservient or submissive wives expect such wives to serve them in a manner similar to the way a servant would generally serve an employer.
Speaking only for myself, I see the words “subservient†and “submissive†as having slightly different nuances. The first word tends to connote more doing things for someone else such as cooking that person a meal and perhaps bringing it to the dominant person. Submissive has somewhat paradoxical connotations. It is associated with conservative religious beliefs such as that of St. Paul’s “wives, submit to your husband’s as unto the Lord†and the Southern Baptist resolution that a wife is to “submit graciously to the servant leadership of her husband.†It also has kinky sex associations with activities like hand and foot kissing and submitting to a spanking or other discipline.
Are there valid, non-religious reasons for men to seek subservient or submissive wives? I believe there are. A man might feel that he should be the dominant partner because he may be called upon to risk life or limb in defense of his wife, whether against an attacker or against the elements. If he is the provider and has in effect “liberated†his wife from the need to compete in the labor market, he may feel it especially appropriate that he be the dominant partner. To support her, he may work hard at a job that is dangerous, dirty, or in some other way draining and onerous. He feels that he serves her when he is at his paid job and view her serving of him when he gets home as a sort of democratic quid pro quo. Finally, there are men who can only get sexually aroused by women who are subservient or submissive.
These reasons seem to me to be adequate to justify this preference by some men and for it to be respected by other people.
