My Conversation With Jesus Christ: Part II
My conversation with Jesus Christ: Part I:
http://mensnewsdaily.com/2007/01/16/my-conversation-with-jesus-christ/
My conversation with Jesus Christ: Part II:
I was watching a “Girls Gone Wild” infomercial for the sole purpose of doing research on, hmm, girls gone wild. The infomerical was interrupted by a commercial for Nationwide Insurance featuring Fabio. While I was contemplating the inanity of an informerical interrupted by a commercial, Fabio morphed into Jesus Christ.
“Jesus”, I exclaimed, “I don’t need any homeowners insurance.” The Messiah replied, “A reprobate like you could use some fire insurance.”
“Jesus”, I implored, “do you mind if I take a hit on my bong while we chat.” Jesus angrily answered, “Of course I mind”, as he munched on some Doritos and Ding Dongs.
Jesus explained, “Son, I really had the munchies; now let’s continue our conversation.”
“OK”, I said, “I’m considering voting for Hillary Clinton; what do you think?” The Son of Man, scratched his head, and replied, “Can you imagine Hillary cavorting with those Girls Gone Wild?” “Jesus Christ! Hell No”, I shouted. “I’m sorry for taking your name in vain, Lord.”
“It’s OK son”, Jesus reassured me. “Son, Hillary will be flashing her boobs in a “Girls Gone Wild” video, before I let her win the presidency.” “Yuck”, I exclaimed, as I threw up my Doritos and Ding Dongs.
“Jesus”, I inquired, “Should I continue to write for Mens News Daily?” Jesus answered in a parable: “Son, there was a dolphin who swam with sharks, but at the end of the day the dolphin was still cute and lovable and the sharks were still scary and mean.” “Jesus”, I laughed, “Don’t teach in parables to someone who has been hitting a bong.”
I looked up at the TV waiting for Jesus to explain his parable, when Fabio was once again on the small screen, winking at me. Yikes, I’d better give up the bong.
I write a weekly column for a small town newspaper in Virginia, and I also write for several Web sites. Please leave a comment or send me an email at: rreyes4966@aol.com | More from Robert Paul Reyes
Stumble It!
January 29th, 2007 at 1:33 am
It’s only insensitive characters like you that would want to take the faith of millions and try and denigrate in such a childish fashion.
Try again, I expect you will.
January 29th, 2007 at 1:40 am
Lighten up. It’s next to impossible to do comedy without stepping on a few toes.
January 29th, 2007 at 1:42 am
If this is your version of comedy, I suggest you take up something else.
January 29th, 2007 at 1:50 am
Write it all down, Robert. Start a New Era of ‘Direct from on High’ religion. Look, son, you can’t do any worse than Mohammed and he only copied the hummings of Gabriel (who was on the bong at the time too, He was a trumpeter but Mohammed added the lyrics).
January 29th, 2007 at 2:03 am
Not to mention the angel Moroni who appeared to Joseph Smith and directed him to a set of gold tablets, which became the Book Of Mormon.
No doubt, christianj thinks the angel Moron was my muse.
January 29th, 2007 at 2:27 am
Now not many people know this but the Angel Moroni was a very recently promoted Angel. He’d previously been a book-keeper in a minor dept of Heaven, looking after cloud dispersal, who wrote short stories as a hobby. A bit of a time-server it was a promotion not on merit but simply because of long service. The idea was he should retire on a pension soon after, at the higher pension rate, but he just had to poke his nose in. He was a sort of celestial L Ron Hubbard who also had flights of fancy. The Book of Mormon had a misprint in the title. It should have been the Book of Moron, a collection of short stories.
See, Rob. There are several precedents for you.
January 29th, 2007 at 2:39 am
I hope I’m not just blowing smoke out of my arse, but maybe I should start my own religion.
My faith would have many High Holy Days, and my most important Scripture verse would be The Book Of Dank Chapter 4, verse 20: Behold I give you the animals of the field for your sustenance, the birds of the air for your amazement,and the grass below your feet for your smoking enjoyment.
January 29th, 2007 at 4:35 am
I find it fascinatin that you cane the piss out of someone that said…
“love your neighbour as yourself”.
But do not offer any other suggestion or remedy.
SOunds like a feminist to me ?
Do you have any other remedies or are you just expounding your usual “democratic” opinion ?
January 29th, 2007 at 4:37 am
“Girls Gone Wild” would make a wonderful research project…. kinda like Britney’s coochie gone bare! I’m surprised you haven’t written about her in so long. Has she actually done nothing memorable lately?!
LOL, I am a little scared at the thought of you starting your own religion. I’m sure it would be…. interesting!
January 29th, 2007 at 5:45 am
Lighten up, Christianj, mate. A major difference between Christianity and pretty well all other religions is that it is robust enough to take a bit of mocking. Indeed, some denominations are sheer mockery. Pretty well every one of them since Henry 8 ! I think it will survive Robert.
Now, I am having visions of St Britney of the No-knickers. KVolz, cover your eyes.
January 29th, 2007 at 6:10 am
As St.Britney of the No-knickers ascends into heaven, it will truly be a holey sight.
January 29th, 2007 at 9:52 am
Thank you for reminding us that a great number of Liberals are pot-heads. At least that explains most of their pitiful ideas and beliefs. Actually I believe that is LACK of ideas.
You promote drug abuse and insult Jesus Christ. Meanwhile you become mad as hell when someone wants the law enforced.
Truly a great mind of our time.
January 29th, 2007 at 11:33 am
Humor articles are not to be taken literally. OK, I really was watching a “Girls Gone Wild” infomercial last night, but I wasn’t really smoking weed and I really wasn’t really chatting with Jesus Christ.
January 29th, 2007 at 12:44 pm
comment deleted. off topic.
January 29th, 2007 at 3:26 pm
“amfortas said,
Lighten up, Christianj, mate.”
Suppose your right, I am still reeling from that pathetic, self-opinionated, arrogant cretin named Guess.
He is the epicentre of all I hate about feminism. Unfortunately I over reacted here. No apology though, RPR’s article annoyed me as well.
January 29th, 2007 at 4:03 pm
Ooops, I didn’t close my eyes! LOL!
January 29th, 2007 at 6:34 pm
For those tired of reading the same o, same o that does absolutely nothing to change anything…
For the real men?
Complaining, saying “not fair†does absolutely nothing.
Get back to me when you, you, and you, are willing to protest…
Get back to me when you are actually willing to go to jail for your beliefs…
Eric Ericson
Eric87443@hotmail.com
January 29th, 2007 at 9:52 pm
Is Eric a spammer? He had the same comment on another area of this site.