In Tampa, Unpaid Debt More Serious Than Rape!
Satire
Florida has always been known as a “no nonsense” state when it comes to law and order. And law enforcement officials in Tampa are reputed to be among the finest in all of Florida.
That sterling reputation is being tested in a recent case in which a 21-year-old female college student went to the police after allegedly being raped.
In reviewing the woman’s allegations, Tampa police did a routine check of the victim’s history, and discovered that she was a fugitive from justice.
In short, the “victim” was a disgraceful scalawag wanted on an outstanding felony warrant for failing to pay a three-year-old restitution order.
Here:
After placing the thugess under arrest and assuring her confinement in a suitable jail, the arresting officer retired to the nearest Java house for a cup of hot coffee and a dozen bearclaw donuts with which to celebrate his clever success.
Meanwhile, Vic Moore, the attorney representing the young student, who is both plaintiff and defendant in this bizarre story, explained the case in terms one would expect from an intellectually gifted legal scholar:
“(I am) Shocked. Stunned. Outraged. I don’t have words to describe it,” Moore said of his client’s arrest and following treatment. “She is not a victim of any one person. She is a victim of the system. There’s just got to be some humanity involved when it’s a victim of rape.”
As if the young lady’s arrest and incarceration were not bad enough, a jail worker later refused to give her a second dose of an emergency contraceptive because of religious convictions, Moore added. The student was released from jail only after Moore went to the media.
The pre-med student was in Tampa for Gasparilla, a pirate-themed parade that draws thousands of partygoers to the city’s waterfront each year
Anonymous beltway insider Opel Bijiquiovarti, on loan to satirebylillpop for this exclusive story, caught up with the arresting officer, still celebrating in that Java house, and filed a detailed report.
According to Bijiquiovarti, the arresting officer was unrepentant about the arrest and claims he would do it again in the same situation.
“We done what was right. And that jailer done what was right, too. The problem is that silly beach. Instead of partying all night for Gasparilla, she should of paid up her bills. She has no right to pills that kill babies!”
Meanwhile, Tampa police said they were changing their policy to give officers more discretion on when to arrest a crime victim who has outstanding warrants.
What’s the rush, folks? Like the officer said, “We done what was right!”
satirebylillpop
John Lillpop is a recovering liberal, "clean and sober" since 1992 when last he voted for a Democrat. Pray for John: He lives in the San Francisco Bay Area, where people like Nancy Pelosi are considered reasonable! | More from John Lillpop
Stumble It!
February 1st, 2007 at 9:07 am
I think it was right to arrest the lady. She did have a felony warrant out on her after all.
As far as the jailer refusing to provide medical treatment based on religious convictions. That’s a little sketchy.
Did the jailer search for someone else to give the pills? If not then they should be terminated for negligence of duty.
February 1st, 2007 at 3:34 pm
It makes sense when you understand they’re pirates, not rednecks. There may be some real pillaging before this is over. That’s all I’m gonna say about that.
February 2nd, 2007 at 3:29 pm
Strange that you would punish one crime but not the other. I am sure that if I was the victim of an assault, but had an outstanding warrant for a hot check out on me, you wouldn’t be crying so much. Are you sure you are not a politician? That is exactly how they act.