Boycott Valentine’s Day!
Compelled to Give
It’s February again. This can mean only one thing: the dreaded, compulsory Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. If you forgot, fear not: the onslaught of TV and radio commercials will remind you and remind you and remind you. There is no escaping them, and they all share a common theme: women are entitled to receive; men are compelled to give. Nothing quite captures the essence of love like female entitlement.
Ask the typical woman to define romance. I’ll lay odds that she’ll describe a man buying and/or doing something for her, without a word about spoiling him. Why such narcissism? Simple. Most women are raised to be self-absorbed takers, and insecure men continue to tolerate and enable them.
Are men worthless? Only if they never demand fairness and reciprocity from women — and many men don’t. Valentine’s Day, and all of its pathetic rituals, represents the failure of men to stand up to women — who, ironically, don’t respect these eunuchs and don’t sexually crave them, either.
Visualize the annual V-Day ritual: women clucking around their office water coolers and late-morning Pilates classes in anticipation of receiving Vermont Teddy Bears or long-stem roses, while men are wringing their hands, dreading this day, resenting the pressure, wondering what, if anything, would please their wives and girlfriends. Why such anxiety? No man wants to end up in the proverbial doghouse without sex.
What a pathetic picture: women using sex as a weapon; men living in fear. The evidence of “romance heaven” is clear: alimony and child-support cash registers are ringing nonstop, the marriage rate is falling, infidelity is rampant, the out-of-wedlock birthrate is skyrocketing, and children — society’s future parents — are more dysfunctional and immature than ever.
Tribute to Legal Prostitution
What is Valentine’s Day, really? An annual tribute to legal prostitution. After all, traditional dating and marriage are the chief platforms of an age-old prostitutional bartering system through which women receive gifts, cash, bling, stock, cars, meals, homes, vacations, clothes, college tuition, business partnerships, and spa memberships in exchange for sex.
Accordingly, Valentine’s Day is the capstone of legal prostitution — its epitome — because of the inescapable, pervasive societal and commercial pressure to perform that it imposes on men. Think I’m crazy? On February 14th, will your woman withhold sex if you don’t roll out the red carpet for her? Think about it.
Men humiliate and emasculate themselves by worshipping women throughout the year. And, it’s totally unnecessary: women are more sexual than men, and men must learn how to turn the tables. But, the groveling is never so acute as on Valentine’s Day, when men pay premiums for flowers and dinners and baubles. For what? To avoid a fight? To get laid?
What’s worse is that women continue to crave and demand these gifts that they know, by definition, are given insincerely and begrudgingly. Nothing quite defines romance like perfunctory obligation, as men told me in a survey I conducted in 2005 (read “Why Men Dread Valentine’s Day”). Expected generosity, the crux of Valentine’s Day, is oxymoronic and moronic!
NoNonsense Bottom Line
Never, ever allow your woman to be the center of your relationship, as is too often the case. If that’s your unfortunate situation, you have no balls and no relationship. Valentine’s Day is the least of your troubles.
My solution to cure your Valentine’s Day blues is this: boycott it. That’s right, stay home. If February 13th and February 15th aren’t happy days for you, why would February 14th be an exception? If she insists on wasting money on February 14th, she’s a selfish, immature golddigger.
Here are three, quick rules to gauge your relationship’s temperature on Valentine’s Day:
- If she’s a selfish taker who expects you to entertain her, dump her. Valentine’s Day is the perfect day to do that.
- If your woman threatens to break up or withhold sex if you don’t take her out on this commercial occasion, end it with her on February 13th. Imagine what she’ll tell the girls at the office the next day!
- If your “relationship” is so utterly boring and empty that you use February 14th as an excuse to pretend that all is well, break up ASAP — do yourselves a big favor.
Real romance is about spontaneity, choice, and reciprocity. Valentine’s Day, on the other hand, is contrived, commercial, unilateral nonsense. If you want to do something special and genuine, choose her birthday and other times when she least expects it. Anything done on Valentine’s Day is a joke.
Parting words: If you kiss a woman’s ass, at any time and for any reason, especially on Valentine’s Day, you can kiss your own ass — and the wallet attached to it — goodbye.
Marc H. Rudov is an internationally recognized author of 40 articles and the books Under the Clitoral Hood: How to Crank Her Engine Without Cash, Booze, or Jumper CablesTM (ISBN 9780974501727), and The Man’s No-Nonsense Guide to Women: How to Succeed in Romance on Planet EarthTM (ISBN 0974501719).
Rudov’s books, articles, blog, and podcasts are available at http://TheNoNonsenseMan.com/.
| More from Marc H. Rudov
Stumble It!
February 7th, 2007 at 10:17 pm
The Princess Diaries: Why Men Are Eunuchs on Valentine’s Day
(Hint: it begins in childhood)
And what is the result of deferring to your woman? Click one of the video links below to watch the monster you’ve created:
Windows Media Player | Everything Else
February 7th, 2007 at 6:32 pm
Latest Valentine’s Day Statistics
Consumers are expected to spend $16.9B this year on Valentine’s Day gifts for their loved ones, but men in particular are the big spenders. According to a National Retail Federation study, men on average spend $156, compared to $85 for women. Popular gift items that men purchase for their special someone include the following:
— 58 percent will purchase flowers
— 56 percent will give her a card
— 53 percent will take her to dinner
— 43 percent will purchase candy
— 28 percent will shower her with jewelry.
Advertising is targeted specifically toward men, urging them to spend big dollars this Valentine’s Day. On the radio, in print, and on television there are countless advertisements for diamond earrings, candy, and other romantic items.
Men who go along with this nonsense are eunuchs.
February 7th, 2007 at 10:15 am
Darren,
Glad to know you are benefiting from my NoNonsense Dating Tips. They only scratch the surface of what I cover in my books.
If you keep amending your ways, you will begin to see that women are MORE sexual than you are — not equally sexual. It all depends on your ability to get under her clitoral hood and crank her engine.
The more you kiss a woman’s ass, the more money you spend on her, the LESS sexual she will be. This is the OPPOSITE of what you learned growing up.
The reason so many men complain that women are bored with or uninterested in sex is that they are approaching women in the wrong way. Deferring to a woman is the quickest way to boring sex AND bankruptcy.
February 7th, 2007 at 9:00 am
el cid: so are hookers victims? what’s the spin on that? are smokers victims? drinkers? druggies? the astronaut? help me balance the equation. i’ve spun myself silly. just who is responsible for their actions and who gets a pass? i’m not smart enough to figure this out. toss me a bone.
February 7th, 2007 at 1:24 am
El Cid,
Although I can’t be certain, I’d bet money Paul McCartney saw signs of what was to come. Even his daughter reportedly begged him to get a prenuptial agreement.
I think we all are responsible for our decisions and, personally, when I look back at my life I see every wrong step I fought… my gut was right and I simply chose to ignore it.
Donnieboy57,
Not all men are short-sighted in their decisionmaking with regard to women because some are smart enough to not be. We are each responsible to choose well and decide to not purchase or allow ourselves to be bought, on Valentine’s Day or any other day of the year.
I wonder what might happen for you if you were to speak to women without riddles and spin. I think you could learn a lot from Marc Rudov. I have.
February 7th, 2007 at 1:23 am
Marc,
I’ve been reading dating tips via email for many months… I thank you for the advise on reciprocal financial dealings with women. I’ve taken it to heart and amended my ways. However, my experience has shown that women are equally as sexual as men. Most are more repressed than others.
February 6th, 2007 at 8:06 pm
I just thought of another reason women are more sexual than us men: We get hard, we climax, we go soft again, all within a few minutes. Whereas they take time to warm up, but once they do get hot, they take almost as long to cool down.
As for Paul McCartney, J Howard Marshall, Donald Trump, et al, those who have a lot of gold are sure to attract golddiggers. One advantage I have in not being anywhere near as rich as those guys: I weed out the golddiggers.
As Elvis used to sing, “A hard-headed woman, a soft-hearted man, been the cause of trouble since the world began.” We guys need to keep our hearts just soft enough not to hate women, yet hard enough to say no to their little-girl demands.
Those who have lived in darkness all their lives tend to run from the blinding light of truth. In matters of gender, just as in matters of religion, for believers no proof is necessary, while for nonbelievers no proof is sufficient.
February 6th, 2007 at 3:58 pm
katem: was the business deal equatable for both?. men think short term unlike women who plan for future security. yes it is the mans fault for being short sited. tell me, km, do you also hold cigarette smokers accountable for their short term satisfaction wants against long term health? you don’t look at the tobacoo sellers for culpability now do you? i would bet you believe hookers are victims!
February 6th, 2007 at 1:54 pm
KateM said
“Men who think they can buy women are as offensive as the manipulative, self-serving women you speak of.”
Absolutely.
“I have no doubt the women who will use your desire for sex to get whatever they can are, at least, giving clues they will do so before you reach the bedroom with them.”
True, but look at Paul McCartney/Heather Mills. And then there’s that old man who married Anna Nicol Smith. He knew what he was doing and so did she. And I don’t necessarily fault either–he was gonna be dead soon, he couldn’t take the money with him, so why not spend the rest of his life having great sex? It was a business deal for both.
February 6th, 2007 at 1:34 pm
Reciprocate, that’s the key. I go through the effort to get my man something, or something for the both of us that we can enjoy together ;0) Valentine’s is sappy. And the marketing for the holiday can be just as annoying as Christmas, it’s taken too far.
Couples should be reminding each other that they love, appreciate, and care about each other on other days besides Valentine’s Day. Say it often. Be romantic as much as possible. In this day and age, with so many people splitting up, there is a negative light cast on couples or marriages. Couples at times, neglect each other. It’s a give and take situation in a relationship and it can’t be one sided. Make time for each other, make sure the other person knows he/she is appreciated daily.
February 6th, 2007 at 11:25 am
El Cid,
I can easily figure out if a man wants to purchase me. Men who think they can buy women are as offensive as the manipulative, self-serving women you speak of. I have no doubt the women who will use your desire for sex to get whatever they can are, at least, giving clues they will do so before you reach the bedroom with them.
February 6th, 2007 at 10:36 am
Roxtar:
Didn’t you realize I was renting a place in Marc’s dogma?
Correct you are in observing my mistake, is it a peeve of yours, that, or like the folks on the left leaning boards you find it helps refute anothers contentions if you can prove grammatical and lexicon superiority? Geez.
February 6th, 2007 at 10:33 am
Roxtar thanks for explaining the difference between tenants and tenets.
February 6th, 2007 at 10:09 am
“Men are willing to pay for sex because they lack the same knowledge you lack.”
I think we are very much arguing at cross-purposes. My point is that men need to understand what women are up to–and that women will use men’s desire for sex to get whatever they can. Men will go along until they realize what the game is.
February 6th, 2007 at 8:59 am
El Cid,
I am not asserting anything — just reporting the facts. Every time you argue with me, you prove your inexperience. OK with me.
Men are willing to pay for sex because they lack the same knowledge you lack.
Women WILL and DO use sex all the time to get whatever they want, and foolish, vaginized men will oblige them. Did you even look at my homepage at http://www.TheNoNonsenseMan.com? Have you read anything I’ve ever written? Have you ever heard me on the radio? Obviously, the answer is no to all of the above.
Knowledge is power. If you know the basic facts about women, you have power. If you are ignorant about women, you will lose every time. If you are ignorant about anti-male laws, you will lose every time.
My record speaks for itself. I have customers in 51 countries … because I know what I’m talking about.
February 6th, 2007 at 8:52 am
“A woman is more sexual than a man.”
Prove that, quit asserting it.
Why is it that men are willing pay women to have sex with them and women are usually not willing to pay men to have sex with them?
Also, I did not say it was not “about pleasure.”
It can be. It’s simply my observation that women will use sex to get whatever they can and men will give whatever they can to get sex.
Men don’t necessarily like that, which is why there’s an audience for books like yours. Sex can certainly be about pleasure, and ideally it is, but it can also be about power–and women know that. Now if you’re going to tell me women never use sex to manipulate men, well, you’re welcome to your opinion. And if you want to sell books, you might take a more positive approach.
February 6th, 2007 at 7:47 am
eHarmony is our Palestinian Roadmap to Peace and about as unlikely to succeed.
February 5th, 2007 at 10:38 pm
I like what Danielle wrote in a Digg comment on this article:
Interestingly, in Japan, Valentine’s Day works in reverse, with women giving men Valentine’s gifts. The holiday is equally commercialized with a high percentage of chocolate sold annually sold on that day. It is so institutionalized that women feel obligated to give their boss chocolate at the office. In this case, it is called “giri” or obligation chocolate. If a man does not have a box (or stack of boxes) of chocolate sitting on his desk at the office on Valentine’s Day, he is embarrassed. Of course, there are romantic chocolate gifts as well, with many women making their own chocolate candies for their loved ones.
I say give your single friends and relatives a Singelringen. The Swedish ring that reflects how good you feel about being single. I am making sure that my special singleton friends get their Singelringen soon so they can face the holdiay with the spirit of independence instead of dread.
February 5th, 2007 at 10:37 pm
For crying out loud, MartianBachelor, El Cid opined that, for women, sex is power, not pleasure. That is HIS experience, unfortunately, proving that he doesn’t know anything about women or sex.
When I say that a woman is more sexual than a man, that is what I mean. A woman is more sexual than a man. I speak plain English. A woman is more sexual than a man.
If you find my words less credible because I am running a business, you’ll have to feel the same way about a lot of other experts, too. Tell Dr. Ruth the same thing. Tell Thomas Friedman the same thing.
If women aren’t sexual with YOU, there’s a reason for that. I guess it will remain a mystery.
February 5th, 2007 at 10:21 pm
Sorry Marc, but isn’t El Cid just echoing you when you wrote about “women using sex as a weapon”?
Otherwise, your assertion that “women are more sexual than men” doesn’t make it so. Neither do your jabs at those who take issue with your claim. Saying they “don’t understand women”, and that you do, is merely a circular argument from authority which could just as easily be turned on you. After all, this isn’t exactly a subject which hasn’t been studied before.
Maybe you’d have a more credible case if you weren’t trying to sell something. Just because something’s in print don’t make it true.
Perhaps if you’d said “women are more corporeal than men”… Is that what you were driving at?
February 5th, 2007 at 8:04 pm
Roxtar and Ringle,
It is refreshing to hear from men who know women. Thanx for your postings.
February 5th, 2007 at 7:55 pm
I agree with marc 100 percent. I’ve been married for 28 years to the same woman who’s been bugging me for sex since she was 18. The reason is no mystery at all. She gets more pleasure out of 30 minutes of sex than I get in a month or more. If I was able to have 10 orgasms while my partner whent through HER time tested, experienced honed technique while simultaneously controlling her own arousal (something she has no concept of), then I’m sure it be me doing the begging. My wife would never try to use sex to manipulate me because she knows damn well who’d be missing out. This Valentine’s Day I’ll give my wife the same thing I’ve given her for over 30 years. I’ll give her a big kiss and tell her she’ll always be my Valentine. Then she’ll give me the same thing she always does; a big smile.
February 5th, 2007 at 7:28 pm
Women are more sexual than men because:
1. Women have a body part that’s “100% dedicated to sexual arousal,” as I’ve heard Marc say on the radio before. That part is the clitoris. We men have no such body part.
2. Women can have more orgasms in one night than men can. (I can have only 2 at the most, & even then only rarely.)
Once we realize this, we can start unlearning gender myths, just as we started unlearning racial myths 40+ years ago when M.L. King Jr declared he had a dream. And if the mission of Emily (on whose show “Sex with Emily” Marc has appeared twice) is “changing the world one orgasm at a time,” I suppose Marc’s mission could be “eradicating entitlement one woman at a time.”
Or it could be the mission of those of us who read his books & follow the tenets (not to be confused with tenants who rent apartments) therein. I eradicate entitlement one woman at a time by calling off any date for which the woman refuses to pay her way.
Part of growing up is learning to stand alone & to refuse to sacrifice our dignity, our principles or our money on the altar of sex–on Valentines Day or any other day!
February 5th, 2007 at 6:30 pm
melissaTX, that sounds like a wonderful way to celebrate Valentines Day!
I can’t say that women are more sexual then men, but I know that they (or at least some) are very sexual, more than some may realize. But for most it is not about power, but about desire.
February 5th, 2007 at 6:11 pm
Badger,
You can disagree with me about the stronger female sex drive, but you would be wrong. Women are more sexual than men. Period. Every man who disagrees with me does so because he doesn’t understand this — and that is OK.
That is why I wrote a book — Under the Clitoral Hood: How to Crank Her Engine Without Cash, Booze, or Jumper Cables — to explain why women are more sexual than men, and how that benefits men. You can get it to see for yourself.
You can keep arguing with me, or you can learn the truth and change your life. Your choice.
February 5th, 2007 at 6:04 pm
I have to disagree with your assertion Marc that women are more sexual than men. Perhaps in your experience but I have to ask, in what way are they more sexual? In my experience allbeit(grammar check) not much. It seems at least physically it takes a woman longer to obtain an orgasm which I suspect relates to how she emotionally feels. Or is this a product of society that states that if a woman is overtly sexual she is called a slut so she keeps it hidden. If women were more sexual than men would the rape statistics not be reversed. I know I have hyperventilated and salivated during the sex act and I have yet to meet a woman who has or who understands the intensity of the male sex drive. They think they do but they have no idea. Not whipping out my dick for a measurment here Marc. Just interested in why you think that way.
February 5th, 2007 at 5:23 pm
I made a quick fix to the issue by marrying a week after Valentines Day…twenty years later she still knows it’s either Valentines day or the Anniversary..of which she chooses the anniversary!
February 5th, 2007 at 2:45 pm
Again I agree, Marc.
Leykis makes far less effort to advise men and women about romance than you do.
As you know, Leykis teaches men how to get more sex for less money…. and teaches women how men think.
And he generally gives relatively less “relationship advice” than you do (except with respect to ending bad ones).
You provide a much more useful perspective on how to build healthy relationships than he does.
I consider both your perspective and his to be valuable to men and women alike.
February 5th, 2007 at 2:11 pm
El Cid,
What a bunch of crap. You know nothing about women.
February 5th, 2007 at 2:09 pm
For men, sex is about desire.
For women, sex is about power.
February 5th, 2007 at 1:13 pm
Yes, Marc. Yes, yes.
February 5th, 2007 at 12:48 pm
fourthwire,
Leykis and I don’t agree on everything, but we agree on most things. In this piece, I do conclude with a suggestion about how to address romance — something Tom never would do.
Romance with a woman — someone who understands GIVE and take — is possible and enjoyable. Romance with a little girl in a woman’s body — someone who understands only TAKE and TAKE — is impossible and eviscerating.
February 5th, 2007 at 12:40 pm
I could not possibly agree more with your piece about Valentine’s Day, Marc. And this particular subject is one where your opinion matches Tom Leykis’ opinion 100%.
Those entitled women out there love the day, BECAUSE men must pay homage, or be subjected to further manipulation.
Jewelers, florists, restaurants, and other retailers of high-value goods and services love the day as well, doing their best to spin women’s sense of entitlement into men’s obligation.
To hell with them all………
Any man who feels obligated to give his wife or girlfriend gifts in returnfor sexual favors, or merely freedom from bitching, nagging, and fights has lost his testicles.
To those poor saps who have relationships with entitled women: dump her RIGHT NOW!
February 5th, 2007 at 12:37 pm
KateM,
Nothing happens through hope — only action. If you want the mechanic who wrote the book, I think you know where to find him and how to ask for what you want.
February 5th, 2007 at 12:32 pm
All the car talk has got me hoping that for Valentine’s Day I receive a tool-wheeling mechanic who knows what do under my hood, I’d make him EXHAUST…ED. lol
February 5th, 2007 at 11:57 am
I suppose my husband has equality.
We are both equally too tired to mess with Valentines Day.
We take the kids out to eat and everyone tells each other what they love about them. That is the best way FOR US to celebrate.
February 5th, 2007 at 11:57 am
Marc, I’m about 50% yankin your chain here, you too John.
February 5th, 2007 at 11:56 am
John,
Is this the first time you’ve seen the comments veer off topic from the article? Besides I was responding to the article and one of the tenants of Marc’s dogma, that being that women are more interested sexually then men, veritable insatiable love machines, just that we haven’t learned how to tap the latent desire (and we haven’t read the book)
Its subjective but nonetheless interesting to see folks perspective on the matter of womens desire, but when framed in such a way that by disagreeing you by default admit your ineptness (and the fact you have not read the book) it makes even an academic curiosity framed discussion of the topic a dangerous mine field.
Besides John, even you are taking these contentions to task when you admit the potential to lose “sex and female approval” by demanding equality. Marc says you can have equality and not lose anything, just read the book.
February 5th, 2007 at 11:36 am
John,
that depends.
take a traditional marriage, where man works to make money and woman works in the home.
he demands equality.
she says, ‘fine, I want a divorce’.
now man must foot extremely high cost. loses kids, house, 401k, car….but gains the doing of his own laundry and the cooking of his own meal.
big price to pay for demanding that SHE give him a valentines day give purchased with HIS own money.
February 5th, 2007 at 11:31 am
What’s all this talk about self-emasculation? The point of the damn article is that women have become beasts by being fed on a steady diet of goodies, in exchange for access to their beds — and in exchange for them withholding their public shame and disapproval of any lover that might dare disappoint them. That’s the point. If anyone is emasculated, it’s a man who embraces that entitlement for fear of sleeping on the sofa, or being shamed as “unromantic.” This all works to the woman’s favor.
Men, step up and demand equality in your relationships. What do you have to lose? If you do have something to lose (such as sex, or female approval), wouldn’t you be better off if you had lost it? You’re a man! Live it.
John Dias
February 5th, 2007 at 10:34 am
Thats right, not only am I a lousy lover, I’m a bad mechanic, and for the life of me cannot float dry wall to save my rear.
February 5th, 2007 at 10:30 am
conservativation,
I also could explain the differences between a fuel injector and a carburetor, but, unless you look under the hood, you wouldn’t know what I’m talking about.
February 5th, 2007 at 10:26 am
Badger, the claim that women are more sexual is the most difficult one I try to accept from Marc. And its a fabulous setup, make a claim that when refuted is self emasculating to he who claims it…as in Marcs answer to you Badger.
I agree w/ Roger who said the sex stops and there is no longer a trade involved. Emasculate at will Marc.
February 5th, 2007 at 10:23 am
Badger,
Perhaps yes to both. Actually, I explain all of this in Under the Clitoral Hood.
February 5th, 2007 at 10:18 am
women are more sexual than men
You must be meeting different women or better in bed than I am. lol
February 5th, 2007 at 9:00 am
“women receive gifts, cash, bling, stock, cars, meals, homes, vacations, clothes, college tuition, business partnerships, and spa memberships in exchange for sex.”
perhaps initially.
then the sex stops, and then there is no longer a trade involved.
February 5th, 2007 at 8:18 am
How the heck am I supposed to boycott something
I never bought the grade school indoctorination for in the first place?
By the way, flowers are CHEAP the day after, and nothing says “yeah, yeah, ’til death do us part,..whatever….” like trans-fat
laced chocolate.
February 5th, 2007 at 8:18 am
I walked the walk and ended a one sided relationship one week afer v.d. better late than never. to this day ( 5 years now ), she askes our mutual friends what went wrong? when they confront me, i just smile and say “we were not ment for each other”. happy me.
February 5th, 2007 at 6:34 am
Don’t hold back Marc, tell us how you really feel…
TMOTS
February 5th, 2007 at 5:25 am
So true.