Thanks.
Bank of America? Hardly!
Satire
As further testament to the fact that some American business entities will stoop to unbelievable and despicable depths in pursuit of more profit, the so-called Bank of America has decided to troll the illegal alien market for gold.
Forsaking legitimate concerns about homeland security, rule of law, U.S. sovereignty, and American language and culture, vipers at BofA have announced that credit cards will be offered to “undocumented immigrants,” more correctly known as illegal aliens.
Under this anti-America plan, criminals here illegally will be able to establish credit without providing a social security number. That is great news for outlaws who have broken into America, but bad news for those who make huge fortunes by selling stolen identities to invaders.
Beltway insider Opel Bijiquiovarti has looked into this latest corporate snubbing of America by BofA and has filed the following executive summary:
Bof A hopes to take advantage of undereducated, impoverished illegal aliens in order to make money.
Specifically, by reading the small print, one learns that the BofA terms include a computer program language translation fee (from Cobalt to Spanish), a “We will not turn you in to ICE” senorcharge, and other miscellaneous assessments.
In sidebar agreements being negotiated between BofA and several state governments, monthly credit card payments can be deducted from welfare payments and deposited directly into BofA coffers.
For a fee, of course.
All in all, Bijiquiovarti reports that the average illegal alien who signs up for a card with $500 credit card limit will be charged $480.12 in setup fees, leaving the illegal alien less than $20.00 to spend.
BofA officials, speaking on condition of anonymity, told Bijiquiovarti that this fee structure would ultimately work to the advantage of illegal aliens.
This is so because the BofA plan limits the amount of money available for the purchase of alcohol, high-fat tacos, spicy burritos, and other products that could get an illegal alien into a legal kerfuffle, and subjected to deportation.
According to bank officials, the BofA plan is yet another example of the bank’s ongoing efforts to reach out and help the little guy.
Bank of America and illegal aliens: Both are bad for America–perfect for each other!
satirebylillpop
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mdkn said,
February 15, 2007 at 3:53 pm
Steven Guess said,
But more importantly, if illegal immigrants have the choice between using non-American credit, and American credit, why should we lose out on charging that interest?
BTW that figure of 480.12 in setup fees is bogus. A secure credit card requires 300 in a savings account, an annual fee of 20 bucks. A partially secured card has 99 in a savings account, and the same annual fee. Where these setup fees come from, I’ve never seen in my time at the bank. And I was working there as recently as December.
February 15, 2007 at 8:00 pm
Steven Guess said,
February 15, 2007 at 8:01 pm
John Lillpop said,
Because they are criminals and potential terrorists. They have no basis for being in America. We know nothing about them because they jumped a fence to get here.
The normal procedures for screening applicant such as medical tests for disease, background check for criminal behavior, financial status to determine their ability to provide for themselves without burdening taxpayers have all been avoided by these third world outlaws.
Why should American taxpayers shell out billions of dollars a year to provide education, health care and other public services to people here illegally? Just so B of A can make more profit?
I don’t think so!
BTW, the article was labeled as satire because the $500 example was indeed made up and exaggerated.
February 15, 2007 at 8:40 pm
Steven Guess said,
So why is it that with illegal immigration at its height, the economy and our budgets were healthier than they have ever been? Could it be because the low wages and profiteering more than made up for any losses?
And hey, I’m all for legalizing these workers through the guest-worker program to satisfy our national security concerns. The last thing we need to do is to be chasing down a waiter or a cook when we should be looking for Osama Bin Laden.
February 15, 2007 at 8:55 pm
John Lillpop said,
I think you are confused about recent history. The economic boon was driven largely by the peace dividend from the Reagan revolution and the Bush tax cuts.
By your logic, we should bring in another 30 million illegal aliens at an annual cost of $200 billion a year and really watch the economy grow.
Illegal aliens are a net drain on the economy except for companies like B of A who make money from the illegals while American taxpayers foot the bill for health care and all of the other public services.
Finally, if illegals are such a boost to an economy, why does Mexico not keep them in Mexico, rather than pushing the illegals across the US border?
If the people coming here illegally were productive, intelligent people, Mexico would be building a fence to keep them in Mexico!
The truth is simple: The uneducated peasants from Mexico cost more than they produce!
And again, with 30 million illegal aliens here now, do you really believe there are no potential Osama bin Ladens in their midst?
Really?
February 15, 2007 at 9:06 pm
Steven Guess said,
Had Greenspan boosted interest rates to fight inflation, the boom would have flatlined. In fact, you’re so wrong it’s not even fun. Bush Sr. LOST the election because he raised taxes, but the reduced federal expendature enabled him to not worry about inflation (Keynesian model). Clinton followed this model by keeping a budget surplus and reforming welfare.
Nevertheless, assuming you WERE right, which you clearly are not by any objective standard, it suggests the “drain” by illegal immigrants is only a small portion of economic activity to be such an irrelevant factor in the economic gains of the late 20th century.
And the unskilled labor you complain about is the reason we don’t have more outsourcing, and higher costs for unskilled labor jobs.
I absolutely consider illegal immigration to be a national security risk, but that’s a separate issue. That’s why I believe in documenting them, through the guest worker program and closing the black market generated by the unrealistically low quota system for immigration visas.
February 15, 2007 at 9:39 pm
John Lillpop said,
Following the Amnesty Trail
http://www.tucsonweekly.com/gbase/Currents/Content?oid=oid:92554
February 15, 2007 at 10:03 pm
roger said,
That is the very first thing they ask for for any credit or credit card I’ve ever seen.
Are the rules different for illegals?
Yes.
February 15, 2007 at 11:05 pm
Steven Guess said,
Don’t forget, it’s only because the government has weak borders, and businesses demand cheap labor, that these workers are even here to get credit cards in the first place.
PS - So you found a Democrat who agrees with you. What’s your point? You want me to find a libertarian who agrees with me? If you are going to make an argument, rely on the facts, not on a “whose who” of what other people think.
February 16, 2007 at 12:01 am
John Lillpop said,
No Steve! It’s called being anti-American because the issues are homeland security and American borders, language, and culture.
Government’s only valid responsibility is to protect the safety of the American people–that is clearly called for with regard to illegal aliens!
Government needs to forget about cheap labor and votes, and place a proper priority on homeland security.
Deport all 30 million! And force them to take their anchor babies with them!
February 16, 2007 at 5:16 am
The Gonzman said,
The whole solution to illegal immigration is simple and twofold:
1) Reduce and eliminate taxpayer funded services to illegal alien invaders.
2) Eliminate the incentive to hire them by making the discovery of use of an illegal alien invader so expensive as to not be worth the risk.
There will be no need for a fence then - indeed the fence will be undesirable as it wouldbe a hindrance to them swarming like ants to go back to their real homes.
February 16, 2007 at 5:21 am
The Gonzman said,
3) Get rid of the stupid “anchor baby” loophole that no other civilized country in the world uses.
February 16, 2007 at 5:22 am
John Lillpop said,
February 16, 2007 at 5:26 am