At some point in the future, when another civilization digs up the big box encrusted with Justin Timberlake stickers and Prozac dust that is our time capsule, the most telling of all items about who we were and what we did will be our warning signs.
We’ve all read the stories about tags on electric hair dryers that say “don’t use in shower” and the like. There is no greater an example of comical “warnings” that the newest sign from the United Nations’ run International Atomic Energy Authority that goes in the pantheon of dumb signs:
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What’s that? Run if we see a fan blade or Keith Richards?
Here’s some of the reasoning behind this tidbit of nuclear advice:
The International Atomic Energy Authority said its new sign, developed in collaboration with the International Organization for Standardization should be taken up worldwide ASAP.
Spokeswoman Caroline MacKenzie summed up the new stance against Darwinian natural selection, and in favour of Homer Simpson: “We can’t teach the world about radiation, but we can warn people about dangerous sources for the price of sticker.”
That’s right kids, if you see radiation — run! But wait, you can’t see radiation. Perhaps the U.N. will mandate that radiation have color added to it so we can see it coming — sort of like we add stink to our otherwise odorless natural gas so it’s detectable by our noses.
Then again, maybe the sign-makers should just put a mushroom cloud at the top. Who doesn’t know what a mushroom cloud signals? But mushrooms might remind us of pizza, which of course can contain trans-fats, which involves an entirely separate warning sign from the United Nations.
I guess we’re just plain screwed. I wonder what that sign will look like.
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