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Expert: A Sexless Marriage Is Not A Marriage

2007-02-24
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“A couple’s sex life is the number one best barometer of how well their marriage is going.”

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  • toogleswitch

    Before I start I have to say before we were married niether one of us had sex with any one else till we were married. One of those rare things we were virgins. We were physically attractive in our 20′s
    I certainly think we qualify as being in a sexless marriage, its been about 20 years now. Were in our 60s. When first married we didn’t have sex (I)wife wasn’t ready, and I really can’t recall when it did happen, Im sure it was weeks or months later, and even then it was on and off for the next 23 years. Were both at fault, I have a big tendency to be in control of everything. It all has to happen on my terms. I don’t let my husband just go out with the guys, he hasn’t any real guy friends so he ends up staying home. I tell him all the time to stay away from other women. For some reason I just don’t trust him, and I really don’t know why. But I can go out with my friends and he dosen’t really care how long or with who. He just tells me have fun and if theres any problems call me. I think I could have an affare and he wouldn’t say anything. He’s very lated back type of guy. And he on the other had has said I just don’t want sex or be intimante with me or any one else. I was hurt!! Also he is not interested anymore, sex has no excitment, meaning, thrill what ever you call it. Now he has high blood pressure, cholesterol, sleep issues, ulcers,slight depression and he takes pills for all that and his sex desire is gone. Hes been to doc and tryed viagra passed out on low dosage, pump but nothing works. Our sex life is gone forever. His last comment was I hope I never have sex again just tired of the whole thing. We are not in our 20′s any more and physically were not the same any more. We wear wool pajamas and sleep in opposite directions in bed.

  • fourthwire

    “Other things are just as important, but what has happened is the downplaying of a man’s sex drive, as if he should be ashamed, or feel guilty.”

    Spot-on, randyf. Downplaying and castigating men’s sexual drives is a common phenomenon in American society……

    ……..all the more perverse since simultaneously, the politically-correct mainstream media, particularly that large part of the mainstream media that caters to women glorifies women’s sexuality.

    And part of the Men’s Right’s Movement’s emphasis, besides seeking equal reproductive, social, civil, and legal rights for men, ought to include the re-emphasis that men’s sex drives are nothing to hide, belittle, fear, or condemn (no matter how hard feminazis piss and moan!)…….

  • mruffolo

    The strength of marriage is measured by the strength of a commitment kept.

    If the relationship is sagging, then so is the marriage. The couple may need to shore up their commitment made by restating their oath of “until death separates us.”

    If your wife cannot keep small commitments, the relationship is weak, then she may not be able to keep big commitments.

    Pull her aside privately to 1) tell her what you observe; 2) how you felt; 3) what the consequences are; and, 4) what you want.

    For example, if she lied to you, then go to her in private to say, “I observe that you lied. I feel uncomfortable when you do this. What happens when you lie is I do not trust you and the relationship breaks down, and I do not want that. I want to trust you.”

    A man does not divorce a woman because the sex is poor. Woman does not divorce a man because the sex is poor.

  • kzarz

    Before I divorced my X, I had one sexual encounter that year. That means that I was only married 0.27% that year. The other 99.73% was classified as verbal sex: We would say “F*** you” every time we passed each other in the hallway.

  • Virtue

    “Marriage by definition is a sexual relationship.”

    Absolutely true…..look it up in the dictionary if you doubt that statement. As to frequency age etc et al thats all personal taste. My question is why are so many men, even here, trying to poke holes in what we all know is true….That marriage with out sex is’int a marriage.

  • randyf

    Honestly, people are built differently. For me, sex is every bit as important as the author states.

    And remember, he just summarized what studies say.
    Good Sex Life = Good Marriage Barometer

    Other things are just as important, but what has happened is the downplaying of a man’s sex drive, as if he should be ashamed, or feel guilty. That’s not right.

    If you don’t agree, you’re different from me.

    So far as older couples, as long as the activity is fun, then there you have it. Reading the whole article, talking about raising the kids, etc., implies young to middle age as being the audience for this article.

  • ggreen67

    In a way I have to agree with Squiggy. My reason for this is the author fails to pinpoint a target audience.

    Example: What about older couples?

  • Justaguy

    Duh!

  • Squiggy

    If you use frequency of sex as a barometer of “marriage health”, humanity is doomed. What a moron.

  • conservativation

    I wont repeat the story about the seminar where the women went ballistic at the notion that sex was a real need for their husbands, but suffice to say that feminism has mucked this up for all of us as well.
    Im always wondering how to connect, MRM to guys as of yet unaware, and the sex thing may be a hook. Almost every man I know complains about his sex life, even while blissfully unaware of the feminoids in his midst.

  • http://lovability.org amfortas

    Get away! If it takes an ‘Expert’ to say so, then almost every man is an expert.







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