Can’t Find A Husband?
| February 26, 2007 at 06:24:47Can’t Find a Husband? |
I have bad news for the ladies out there looking for a husband. Today’s men are afraid of marriage and having kids. This is most likely because their male friends and relatives have told them what usually happens in the event of a divorce with children. In fact, some men are calling for a marriage strike.
I’m a liberal female father’s advocate, activist, writer and blogger. I’ve been studying the effect our current family law has on families, and why the laws are written the way they are. Unfortunately I have more bad news.We women have allowed radical feminists to take over the feminist movement, the one that used to stand for equality, and they’ve been negatively influencing family law. Now it’s all about domination; in the case of divorce it’s having complete control over the kids, house, money and dad’s visitation time.
Many fathers want equal physical custody of their children after a relationship break-up. If women deserve equality, men do too, right? Then why are feminists, who claim to be about equality, opposing us whenever we introduce equal-parenting laws? I’ve even seen them lying during their testimony to a legislative committee. They’re also changing domestic violence laws to make them even more anti-male, though the facts show males and females batter each other equally and mothers abuse children more than fathers.
Our country is in a fatherless crisis, yet men who are natural hands-on daddies are scoffed at. These men who embrace fatherhood are shown their time and influence isn’t important. Our government does this by enforcing child support orders while not enforcing visitation orders. Whether the father had due process in court or not, whether blatant errors were made, when the DNA test shows he’s not the father, and even when there is no child, our government punishes fathers, including throwing them in jail, for getting behind in child support.
The number one fear of children whose parents are divorcing is losing one parent. Yet millions of fathers, and some mothers are prevented from having natural, fully functioning, dedicated and loving relationships with their children after divorce. Unmarried fathers face the same problem. There are many men across the country, single and divorced, who want equal physical custody of their children, who want to help with home work, meet with teachers, take the kids to the dentist, all the normal things parents do.
Mothers and fathers tell me they don’t believe 4 days and 4 evenings a month is adequate time to develop the kind of relationship necessary for the healthy development of their children. In many cases the sole custodial parent even interferes with that limited time, and in some cases cuts the noncustodial parent completely off from their child even if they’ve done nothing wrong.
A vindictive parent can essentially steal the child by moving the child far away, encouraging negative feelings and thoughts the child has about the noncustodial parent, or filing a false domestic violence report. The way the laws are written today, a divorcing woman can report that her husband was throwing things, say she’s in fear, and with just her word she can get a temporary restraining order and emergency child custody order. One study showed half the temporary restraining orders granted were for cases where no physical harm was even claimed. Another showed the abuse claimed could not be verified fifty-nine percent of the time.
The father in a case like this doesn’t get a chance to face a judge or jury; he’s automatically considered guilty of abuse or potential abuse. This happens without proof of any wrongdoing, and can happen without his knowledge. Once she has the emergency custody order, he has very little, or in most cases no chance of getting equal custody. Every day innocent fathers visit their children in jail-like supervised visitation centers and take anger management classes, sometimes for years. Worse yet, some of these men not only are innocent of domestic violence, they’re the victims. Some children of these innocent men never see Daddy again.
The Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) has encouraged programs that promote the idea that batterers are male, victims are female, and every child should be in the sole physical custody of it’s mother. In other words, our government supports programs that vilify men. The Violence Against Women Act needs to be reformed or eliminated, and I-VAWA, the international version, needs to be rejected.
If we want men to embrace the idea of family life, we need to ensure they have equality in family law. Equal parenting laws, favored by 85% of people polled, need to be passed nationwide and a Federal Family Rights Act needs to be established immediately to protect families dealing with Child Protective Services and parents in divorce and child custody cases. The time has come to restore human and civil rights to all fit parents.
Now, back to looking for your husband. I’ve been working with fathers in the equal parenting movement for a few years now. These guys are some of the smartest and kindest friends I’ve had, and some of the most loving and dedicated daddies I’ve ever met. They’ve experienced pain and injustice at the hands of women. When they meet women who respect them, who understand that most men make great parents, they return a special kind of respect and appreciation. Come join us; you can make new friends, and have the satisfaction of helping a very honorable cause. And who knows, maybe you’ll be at a rally one day and meet your future husband.
Take action — click here to contact your local newspaper or congress people:
Reform Family Law So Fit Parents Of Both Genders Have Equal Rights
I'm a sun and nature loving, 50-something, laid back, forward thinking, liberal anti-feminist egalitarian, san francisco bay area native, single mom of 4 and yia yia to 2. I've been active in the equal parenting movement since 2002. Known as the purple Queen of Equality, I once blogged as the Feminist4Fathers. Find me now on sharedparentingworks.org and jugsforjustice.org. | More from Teri Stoddard
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March 4th, 2007 at 9:42 pm
A 800 pound gorilla tried to make me his husband the last time the feminazi cops locked me in maximum security !!!
I am thankful for devine intervention . Great article Teri and lots of interesting comments .
” It’s better to be defeated on principle than to win on lies ” – Arthur Calwell
March 3rd, 2007 at 1:10 pm
Teri–
Welcome to the other side. Now, I want you to read that sentence again and understand the impact.
Judging from your reaction to some of the comments here, you still at some level, align yourself with the sistahood. Let me use a sports analogy here. You either play for Michigan or Ohio State. You either play for the Red Sox or the Yankees.
It appears that you want to address one side and, at some level, defend the other. It doesn’t work that way. We men have been sold the bill of goods known as “equality” for 40 years. The last thing it is is “equal”.
Zenpriest often states that there is no neutral ground in this war of the sexes. By the way, I refuse to use the word gender when describing males and females. I am a human being, not part of a sentence. Make no mistake about it. This is a war. Look at some of the responses here. These are real men, in real pain, with their lives blown apart. Just because it isn’t on the evening news doesn’t make it any less real.
Stop taking their comments personally. If the men here want to paint women with a broad brush SO WHAT? Why should you care? At least you are getting a dialogue. If you go grammar nazi over generalizations men will tire of it and dismiss you. Yours is a burden that you and other women that get involved with this movement will have to carry. Would you rather we bobblehead the situation?
That won’t get the gravel shoveled.
One thing the feminists accepted when they started this crap was that they might not even live to see it come to fruition. They forged ahead anyway. The same goes for MRAs, MGTOWs, and women who join the cause. We might not live to see its conclusion. Hell, we might not even get any pats on the back along the way. Are you doing this for a greater good or for pats on the back?
We are not here to rip you, but you make it difficult for us to applaud you when we vent and you go into “defense mode”. As for what I am doing to help the cause, its simple. I am doing absolutely nothing. Which is the most damaging thing that I can do to the feminists and the government. I won’t marry, date, or put myself in a position to deal with women. I live a modest lifestyle and I don’t pay massive taxes. In short, I am doing the very best I can to starve the beast. Once that bad boy starves to death we can roll in the new model.
I am the very person that your article is referencing. I have never been married AND I WILL NOT MARRY OR INTERACT WITH WOMEN UNTIL ALL OF THE SCREWED UP LAWS ARE WIPED CLEAN OFF THE BOOKS. This is not a negotiation process. We view women and the government as an 800 pound gorilla that is attacking us. We really don’t care what women think/feel or their issues are.
We don’t care if the 800 pound gorilla has hemmorhoids. We really don’t.
March 2nd, 2007 at 6:14 pm
Wow, we seem to have detracted from an article about “women (not) finding husbands”.
It’s not that I don’t care about the biases men face today in America. And I do care that my son will face an even bleaker future in which those biases don’t only include and are not limited to anti-male policies regarding marriage, parenthood, medicine, education, domestic violence, criminal sentences, job placement and advancement, sexual harassment, the draft, welfare, housing, small business loans, and many, many more. Sure I care about all those important items. But I thought this was an article about why women can’t find husbands.
I even agreed that it is wrong to say “all” or “most” women created this mess. I don’t want to place blame (in THIS article I won’t) for the cause of too few marriage-minded men. I just wanted to share my feelings as a guy as to what may be the reason so many men (but not enough) avoid marriage or fatherhood.
But after reading through all the above posts, I forgot what the hell I was going to say.
But, thanks Teri S. for writing such a thought-provoking piece.
March 2nd, 2007 at 2:46 pm
Teri,
I had hoped my preamble would have been sufficient to represtent your position.
The following paragraph was the play by play for the man on the street.
As for SG, you factually and intellectually crushed him like the worm he is…but I have yet to see failure of facts or intelligence on his part slow his genderbaiting drivel.
SG has to attack you Teri, because a father’s has to be confronted with an excuse. The excuse is all of the misrepresentaions of studies and statistics.
This all hides the money angle of corruption of the system that will victimize a woman with more money who will not pay a lawyer or bribe the judge.
Therein is a thesis that the legal profession is using feminism for their sybiotic purpose of the legal plunder of families by the corrupted courts.
Once the men and women movements see a common enemy, look out!
March 2nd, 2007 at 11:23 am
Steven, you lied about me. Please refrain from that. You wrote “If you and Terri had your way, ever battered women’s shelter in the country would be shut down as some kind of scam.” Not true.
What I DO want is for every truly abused person, male and female, to have equal services available to them. What I DO want is to see only the truth about domestic violence in all aspects of the media. What I DO want is repeal of the mandatory arrest and primary aggressor laws. What I DO want is the reform or elimination of VAWA and the flat-out rejection of I-VAWA.
The reason I, a liberal female, reject the feminism we have today, is because I’ve seen their lies, propaganda, corruption and blatant lack of respect for equality for myself. Talk about ironic.
Those women lied to my legislators in Sacramento. I watched helplessly as one after another gave false statistics and degraded and slandered fathers to keep their funding flowing. Where’s the integrity? Do they not have sons?
I believe as do Libertarians in government staying out of our lives as much as possible. I see conservatives saying the same thing, but it’s a lie. They want government to control our sex partners and women’s uteruses. How in your face can you get?
I guess the bottom line for me, is I decide each issue separately. I don’t blindly follow any party line. I do this with many things in life, including the Men’s and Fathers’ Movements.
Yes, there are men who are radical in their beliefs about women, and they do speak up in the movement from time-to-time. Just as there are women who are radical in their beliefs about men, and they not only speak up from time-to-time, they recruit others and work very hard to affect family law. (Think Breaking The Silence.)
Steven, you’ve been brainwashed, just like most people. You were fed false statistics and debunked “studies.” Size doesn’t matter in domestic violence. Don’t you read the news? I do. And I’ve seen many a case of a woman using weapons, poison, an accomplice, etc.
I’ll be the first to admit it; not all of us women are angels. I am, of course, but not all of us are. I just want the truth to shine above the propaganda, so children can have relationships with their fathers as freely as they do their mothers.
March 2nd, 2007 at 5:51 am
Wow, for disingenuousness, that one really takes the cake. In post 37 of this very thread, you question Terri’s liberal credentials on the basis of her opposition to the treatment of non custodial parents. I could quote you here, but you’re plainly to dishonest to be worth the trouble and I’ve been over that already in any case.
I’m pretty sure you said nothing of the sort. The proof is right there in post 37. Even if you had, you would be wrong. She spends the bulk of her blogging time defending non custodial parents. Non custodial parents do not, by and large, attack liberals for sport.
Neither DV statistics nor VAWA are feminism. DV statistics peddled by feminism are inaccurate and it is perfectly reasonable to point this out without wishing to roll back feminism in its entirety. VAWA violates equal protection.
What this MRA wants is equality: for male victims of domestic violence to be treated equally with female victims of domestic violence. Feminists consistently reject this notion.
I know of no man or woman who equates the danger of a stranger in the street with the danger of a partner in the home. OK, that’s not true. I now know of one man who does. Here’s a tip: the guy behind you late at night? He’s not going to wait until you’re asleep then set your genitals ablaze
this MRA believes that domestic violence is an equal opportunity activity carried out in more or less equal proportions by both men and women. The data gathered in various studies, individually and in cooperation by Suzanne Steinmetz, Murray Strauss and Richard Gelles bear out this belief.
The mens rights movement is not nearly so monolithic as to have a platform, never mind key components. And it certainly isn’t one defined by you for the purpose of wriggling out of a corner you painted yourself into.
March 2nd, 2007 at 5:21 am
Teri – I appreciate your comments, but I really just don’t understand how you got caught up with this crowd. I get your position – the importance of children having both parents involved in their development, and encouraging laws which promote better co-equal parenting. I completely support what you are doing, at least from what I’ve read and seen.
What I don’t understand is your position on things like the Violence Against Women Act. You say that it promotes the idea that men hurt women? How so? Its a law designed to protect women who are abused, but it doesn’t say that all men abuse all women. I don’t know of any normal male, who has never laid a hand on a woman, who views the VAWA as a threat to them.
And this idea that it affects child custody battles. To my understanding of family law, men often DO get custody of their children when their mothers are deemed unfit. I know of one personal example of this in one of my neighbors, but we also heard about it with K-fed and Britney – we saw where a judge said if Britney didn’t get her act together she could even lose her half of the custody. I don’t think the laws necessarily are as tilted as some people suggest they are. And in the places they are, I don’t see how that impunes the VAWA. It seems to me that you don’t have a problem against VAWA, or its funding, but you simply want a VAMA to go with it. And why is it that MRA don’t push for a VAMA instead of trying to get rid of the VAWA?
March 2nd, 2007 at 5:08 am
what are you talking about? I have never written a single post on custody baddles, or divorce court. NOT ONE. I have only ever written about feminism, and about how MRA have manipulated and in many cases, inaccurate perceptions of feminism and its literature. Your entire movement is based in reaction to, and in an effort to discredit, feminism. Don’t complain when people fight back.
“The simple act of opposing the manner in which men are treated by the family court, in a manner which you define as illiberal, is enough for you to express skepticism about Terris liberal credentials.”
Really. I’m pretty sure what I said was that she spends the bulk of her time defending people who attack liberals for sport and suggest they are what is wrong with America. In your words, “liar. substantiate or retract.”
But on to this beauty:
“Liar. substantiate or retract. Or, to put it less bluntly, I have never said anything of the sort. To my knowledge, neither has Terri.”
ACTUALLY, a key component of the MRA platform is questioning Domestic Violence statistics and the repeal of VAWA. MRA believe that WOMEN are actually the abusers, primarily, and that these shelters should really be there for abused women. Of course, I know of no men who look behind their shoulders because a woman is walking behind them late at night, but MRA really think it is women who are the greater domestic danger.
March 2nd, 2007 at 4:41 am
Yet you have license to do the same to the mens rights movement? Do I really need to go into your screed in post 89 pretty much stating that the mens rights movement wants to roll back feminism in its entirety?
Your own words are proof enough. Terri has never attacked feminism except inasmuch as she opposes the manner in which the family courts treat non custodial parents. I have been unable to detect any explicit attack on feminism by Terri. Your accusation that she therefore attacks feminism is the only connection that we really need here since you present yourself as the only person on this site who actually understands what feminism is. If we can’t trust you about what constitutes feminism, who can we trust?
You clearly associate the treatment of non custodial parents which Terri opposes with feminism. Plainly, defeating this equates in your mind to defeating feminism.
Liar. substantiate or retract. Or, to put it less bluntly, I have never said anything of the sort. To my knowledge, neither has Terri.
I now expect you to substantiate your remark (a quote with link to the original article will do nicely). Or are you the only one here who is exempt from any obligation to make ones support for peripheral issues plain?
The simple act of opposing the manner in which men are treated by the family court, in a manner which you define as illiberal, is enough for you to express skepticism about Terris liberal credentials. You plainly oppose her work and have openly stated that “custody battle madness” is not an issue with which liberals concern themselves.
I, for one, am skeptical that your comments were prompted by some tinfoil hat conspiracy theory regarding “Ideological culture wars”. Particularly when you reject (for yourself) any obligation to comment on peripheral issues. You tell us that liberals concern themselves with things other than “child custody battle madness” then expect us to believe that you agreed that the treatment of non custodial parents is a liberal issue all along? ridiculous.
You compound this absurdity by asserting that you needn’t openly state your support for due process or equal rights for non custodial parents while simultaneously stating that Terri’s failure to openly state her support for other liberal issues is reason to suspect her liberal credentials.
It seems more likely to me that Terri “has other stuff to worry about. Like most people, [she] prioritize[s her] outrages” paraphrase from SGs post
March 2nd, 2007 at 4:26 am
Steven, I apologize for neglecting to answer these questions.
“I’m really curious in what way you consider yourself liberal?”
I was born and raised in the liberal San Francisco Bay Area by liberal parents. I’m an egalitarian who believes in equality for everyone, including gays, lesbians, and noncustodial parents. I believe in the right to choose, but as a parent I now support parental notification. I believe in the legalization of medical marijuana, in fact, complete legalization. I hate war and I love Mother Nature. That’s all I can think of at this late hour.
Ut oh… I need to get up in 3 1/2 hours and I haven’t gone to bed yet. Crap. lol
“Do you, for example, support gay marriage?”
I haven’t decided on this. As the mother of a lovely lesbian daughter it may hit home one day. When I think about the emotional side of it, and as far as equality, then yes, I think they should be able to marry. But in all honesty, I don’t have near enough knowledge of the repercussions it would cause.
I hope this has helped.
Good night,
Teri
March 2nd, 2007 at 4:19 am
SG: you think you have to “earn†the right to think.
Really? I haven’t noticed much thinking from you, Steffie. I see a great deal of rote repetition from Feminism 101. You do not see what I think. Oh, sorry. You are using female mind-reading skills! I, in fact, recommend that you think. I applaud thinking. I don’t see thinking as a ‘right’ anymore than I see the workings of an opposable thumb to be a right. It is natural. Its a built-in.
SG: That is the main reason why you fail to respect your opponents amfortas,
Hmmmm. Stephony dear girl, I have been posting for an eon, and people know me quite well. I give respect where it is due. Respect is earned. It isn’t due to you. You have not earned it. I have crossed swords with far, far better than you and generally maintained respect while they deserved it.
SG: nobody earns the right to express their opinions. Rights are inherent, free speech is not given its internalized through a social contract, wherein we are endowed by our Creator with “inalienable rights.â€
Oh yes they do. Until you have earned it through demonstrating truthfulness, skill, knowledge, and respect for the opinions of others, your opinions are just noises. That is the social contract. God allows you to make noises, but doesn’t guarantee that they make any sense or that they should be listened to.
You may have the right to HOLD any opinion you want but you do not have the right to FORM that opinion in any way you want. If you ignore the evidence; ignore the discussions and interpretations of evidence by others; ignore the work of finding the truth; ignore the direct experience of others who have solid appreciation of the evil caused by feminism, then all you have is a PREJUDICE. Don’t try to call it an opinion. You haven’t expressed any opinion for me to object to yet.
There is a moral issue, Steffie. Intellectual honesty. You fail consistently to demonstrate that intellectual honesty.
You do not show respect for others’ opinions. You do not speak truth. You ignore the truth that others speak. You show the skills of a mendacious politician. You lack knowlege of the situation regarding feminism, families, fatherhood and the falsity of the family court.
One has to put up with people talking nonsense of course. As you say, they have a right to their opinion, but to express it is not a right. It is a privilege given by peers. Frankly you are a child who should be seen – watched – but not heard.
Rabbit away by all means, but don’t expect respect until you say or do something that earns it. Try an opinion once in a while and see how I respond. Do the intellectually honest work. So far all you have given is prejudice dressed in first-year academic clothes.
March 2nd, 2007 at 2:56 am
Dr Damage – not to parse words with you, but I did not say that Teri was not liberal, simply that she doesn’t act like any one I’ve ever met – and believe me I’ve met a lot. I’m skeptical of her claim of liberalism simply because she’s thrown herself into a cause where 99% of her copatriots sit on the front page of Vox Populii denegrading her ideological view, saying that as a liberal she is destroying the country, and all she does is sit here and say its all good. It seems to me that this website, and many others, is part of an ideological culture war, and her ideology is being attacked as much as anything else, but it means nothing to her. As a liberal, she’s little more than a “revisionist” in the eyes of many people here at this website. I could point to the COUNTLESS attacks on liberals published here, and from here, not a peep.
“If you can turn a blind eye to the fact that men are forced into poverty, that men are stripped of rights and property without due process, can you really say that you are any more liberal than you claim Teri is?”
That’s a great point. Now show me ANYTHING I’ve said that amounts to that argument. Simply because I’m not a Men’s Rights Activists doesn’t mean I approve of anyone being denied due process, or equal rights under the law. And hey, I don’t see you joining any anti-Darfur Genocide rallies, does that mean you “approve” of the Genocide in Darfur? Does that make you a racist? No it means you got other stuff to worry about. Like most people, you prioritize your outrages. I have never once been oppressed for being a man, NOT ONCE, so I’m not going to run around screaming bloody murder over it. You are entitled to your cause, and Terri is to hers.
But what the MRA’s are not entitled to, including Terri, is to distort and attack feminism based on their own personal beliefs about what they think its about. I DARE you to back up your claim that feminism has caused men to be unduly poor, other than theoretical arguments and weak causal links. I could should you tons of data i looked at in college which suggests in the wake of the sexual revolution and the integration of women into the workforce, the per capita income as part of the resulting increase in Productivity has grown enormously. That’s because society is utilizing the other 50% of its productive capacity, at least those willing and interested in working. Feminism has contributed far more to the health, safety, and welfare of women – indeed the country, than any alleged harm it has done. If you and Terri had your way, ever battered women’s shelter in the country would be shut down as some kind of scam. I’m sorry, but I don’t consider women’s reproductive health and safety to amount to an Indian Casino Scam.
But what’s most interesting is that if your RIGHT about what causes make up a liberal, that would make every Mens Rights Activists a liberal, and given many of their irrational attacks on liberalism, makes them at the least ignorant of their own views.
March 2nd, 2007 at 2:10 am
So, where does Teri seek to defeat modern feminism? You’ve told us previously that family courts are not feminist and the sins of the family court system cannot be laid at the feet of feminism (using classic frontman phallacy arguments), so in what way is Terri’s crusade against the destruction wreaked upon non custodial parents by the family court system a crusade against feminism?
Even a cursory examination of Teri’s writing reveals that her feelings are as much for noncustodial mothers as they are for noncustodial fathers. Going through Teris recent posts shows that her blog concentrates almost exclusively on noncustodial parents and their treatment in the family courts; the sole exception being an article which describes the efforts of ex servicemen to bring an end the the US occupation of Iraq (SOUNDS AWFULLY ILLIBERAL TO ME! not)
So how exactly does defeating the maltreatment of non custodial parents defeat modern feminism?
1. Teri has published an article on her blog concerned with the war in Iraq.
2. When the family courts create poverty with child support orders which exceed the parents ability to pay, why do liberals (besides Teri) not cry foul, if this is a liberal issue?
3. When the family courts strip men of rights and property without due process, why do those defendenders of our civil liberties, liberals, not cry foul?
If you can turn a blind eye to the fact that men are forced into poverty, that men are stripped of rights and property without due process, can you really say that you are any more liberal than you claim Teri is? Teri has shown more concern for these things than you have after all.
March 2nd, 2007 at 1:00 am
For future reference, I don’t bitch-slap. I just tell the truth.
I’ve been told I come across as a hard-ass. I have never seen myself that way. I’m a sweetie. Can’t you tell? I’m more like Suzy Homemaker than Laila Ali.
March 2nd, 2007 at 12:25 am
nobody earns the right to express their opinions. Rights are inherent, free speech is not given its internalized through a social contract, wherein we are endowed by our Creator with “inalienable rights.”
That is the main reason why you fail to respect your opponents amfortas, you think you have to “earn” the right to think.
March 1st, 2007 at 7:01 pm
Teri says:
I’ve planned rallies,
created a website with free parenting plans
and a blog on the worldwide family rights movement.
I’ve taken other women and lobbied in the State Capital for equal parenting,
written several articles
and been interviewed on the radio.
I’ve been the PR person for a guy who didn’t eat for four months,
including getting him on the radio and TV.
I sit on the boards of the Family Alliance Council and True-Equality
and on the steering committee of MediaRADAR.
I’m an active member of the National Coalition of Free Men – Los Angeles.
I’ve educated single moms and gotten them to change the way they see men, including getting them to allow their child’s father to be a dad to his child.
I may even end up in Rome for Daddy’s Pride, where they want me to go on TV and radio.
There’s more. Do I have to go on?
_____________________
OK, sit up, hands up, step up, the guys here who have done HALF of this. (I know there are some)
I know Teri beats me hands down for activism for men and families. Hers is bigger than mine – her list, that is
She has earned the right to express opinions which do not exactly match the opinions of the most deeply hurt amongst us. She has earned the right to hold the reins.
March 1st, 2007 at 6:33 pm
“Holding a woman accountable would be, like, oppressing her or something. I mean, why do you have to be so controlling?”
What does ‘controlling’ have to do with it? That sounds femarroid speak/’logic.’ Accountability for one’s own actions is at the very foundation of building character and all your telling us that you have none.
March 1st, 2007 at 5:19 pm
Holding a woman accountable would be, like, oppressing her or something. I mean, why do you have to be so controlling?
Actually, I wouldn’t care too much if the trend of removing all social constraints on women hadn’t been accompanied by a similar drive to *increase* social constraints on men. Call it the applied side of the woman=good/man=bad paradigm. It’s this one-two-punch aspect that has everything seeming so topsy-urvy, especially because the truly bad men don’t respect the social contraints to begin with and the truly good women don’t benefit from being ‘freed’.
—-
> “Not just women are causing these problems.
> Many men have been involved with the
> destruction of the family…
These would be the judges, legislators, lawyers, and all the rest who make up Stevie’s “patriarchy”, which feminists then beat us over the head with because they happen to be chivalrous males serving women’s interests (or so they think).
March 1st, 2007 at 3:53 pm
“Brittany, the recent nutty astronaut, and all the rest are only the tip of a huge female crazy iceberg out there. With the feminist program largely having been about removing all social constraints on women and giving them permission to do just about anything they feel like, we can expect hours of entertainment with many more unthinkably bizarre episodes well into the future.”
That’s the biggest hurdle for me ever even wanting to move in with a woman ever again- the zero accountability women have nowadays, and of course women’s unaccountability always leads to the breakup & breakdown of any relationship with a woman. I would ask my last live-in girlfriend when I would catch her lying, “why are you lying to me?” And she would just respond with, “Fuck you.” Or the really popular, “You don’t tell me what to do!” I hear women telling their husbands that all the time like impestuous children & you know the relationship is doomed from then on.
Women have NO respect for men anymore and TV is half to blame, culture and the court system the other half and without respect, there can BE no relationship. When are women EVER held accountable anymore? By men in a relationship? Of course not. At work? No, if caught doing something wrong they turn the fake, nauseating tears. In court? No, they only get a slap on the wrist and play victim. Because of this complete unaccountability, women are now imploding and are worthless to men, society and even themselves. I haven’t met a woman I would call ‘marriage material’ in at least 15 years.
March 1st, 2007 at 1:36 pm
Teri, that was a perfect and meritorious response.
Some might say you gave him one hell of a ‘bitchslap’ And I do eman that with all due respect!
I will work on reading all of your future work from that angle.
Your activism has great merit, so in this case we see the need for getting men past the pain, and distrust in the marriage game where there are far too few male winners in the face of the forces and powers that be.
Perhaps the message to the ladies is one of hopelessnes to see uf reverse psychology brings the two parties together: “Sorry girls, the really nice guys who gave there all to women who took advantage of them, who got destroyed bythe courts, who allowed themselves to be everything the media said a man should be to his woman, got a raw deal just like you, and will never marry again, despite how much they want to deep down.
“Even if you were able to find one and struggle to your feet together, he can give you his heart, but he will never invite the State into his life again with a Marriage License.
To get one of these guys, you will have to redefine what a marriage is, materialism and carefree is not a monetary possibility for themm so otherwise they are not available.
“That hurts them, and makes them say rough things about women, and I (Teri) am one of a handful of women who appears to be willing to try and prove their justifiable revulsion to be wrong.”
Maybe some will understand that, but I am wasting your time as you are a much more effective communicator than I am.
March 1st, 2007 at 12:21 pm
voodoo, you make yourself look ignorant when you make false claims. You think I just write, but don’t follow up with action? You obviously don’t know much about me.
I’ve planned rallies, created a website with free parenting plans and a blog on the worldwide family rights movement. I’ve taken other women and lobbied in the State Capital for equal parenting, written several articles and been interviewed on the radio. I’ve been the PR person for a guy who didn’t eat for four months, including getting him on the radio and TV. I sit on the boards of the Family Alliance Council and True-Equality and on the steering committee of MediaRADAR. I’m an active member of the National Coalition of Free Men – Los Angeles. I’ve educated single moms and gotten them to change the way they see men, including getting them to allow their child’s father to be a dad to his child. I may even end up in Rome for Daddy’s Pride, where they want me to go on TV and radio. There’s more. Do I have to go on?
March 1st, 2007 at 11:59 am
I find it rather amusing that you write a ‘pro-male’ article, yet, when men express valid viewpoints, you summarily dismiss them as anti-woman, hate-filled, or by declaring that they missed your point.
This attitude embodies everything men dislike about women. They want to know how we feel, when we tell them, they don’t like the answers and dismiss our opinions. All this does is make men refuse to say what they feel.
There’s a lot of men here that stand up, refuse to be badgered and bullied into toeing your party line. They’re going to say what they say regardless of whether you think it’s hate-filled or dismissed. Those men’s courage should be admired by others.
The rest of men, they’re going to look at you, think you’re just another one of them, and summarily ignore you as they move to something they consider a more productive use of their time.
We’ve seen your kind of lip-service before. We’ll see it again. Just like crocodile tears, after the ‘pigeon’ realizes the con, he refuses to participate anymore.
Maybe it’s time you start leading by example instead of by fiat.
March 1st, 2007 at 11:15 am
jeffdu_04976,
My concern is not (as much) the monetary amount our government is extorting from us today, but how much more they will demand of our sons tomorrow, in cash and mental anguish.
Sure, we can teach them the perils of fatherhood and marriage, but like you and I, they will take the information (warnings) and still do their own thing. “That could never happen to me” is ingrained in the American psyche.
March 1st, 2007 at 10:07 am
jeffdu-
I was having a rare good morning then I got depressed. You story makes me sad. I wish you well and much luck in the future.
“Not just women are causing these problems. Many men have been involved with the destruction of the family in the last forty years. We need everyone to realize this, not just the women who have sat on their respective duffs over the last half century and rode the free ride. Male judges, male lawyers, male DHS employees, male psychologists and other males directly and indirectly involved need to wake up and smell the coffee.”
You are correct here my brother but I have some bad news to report. These people, the judges, lawyers, DHS, psychologists, etc., whether male or female DO NOT WANT to wake up and smell the coffee. They have a vested interest in family destruction. It is a business for them. It’s how they make their respective livings. Divorce and family breakdown is BIG BUSINESS and they are more interested in growing their respective business interests then in making themselves irrelevant.
March 1st, 2007 at 9:54 am
I so wish that I had NOT read all the comments section before I wrote my post. I have been reading Teri Stoddard’s articles and posts for as long as she has been involved in the campaigning, I believe. Sometimes I think she hits the nail on the head, but I have also been right beside myself after reading other articles she has written. However, that is not the case for her alone. Other equal rights advocates share in that ability to make me feel confident or lose me, with their writings too.
With that said, I hope we don’t lose Teri without good reason and I don’t believe we will because I think she has a strong will and can see right through the ‘posters’ well-built, defensive fortresses that will not allow them, in this lifetime, to let anyone know how they truly feel.
All about me and my perception of the article:
To me the last paragraph of article is the only one that needs to be addressed. I do deserve respect and appreciation. I have experienced pain and injustice from women. (your words Teri, not mine). I will not say that I could never meet my future wife at a rally but I have told several of my closest lifelong friends that I will never marry. Things may change before I die but nothing short of a miracle will make me want to marry under the unsafe/unleveled playing field we now have. That is a very sad mantra, don’t you think?
Why do I feel this way? I am forty-five years old and living with my parents. I do not earn a lot of money and cannot pay them rent. My child support of $436.00/month is ALWAYS paid in full. I see my son occasionally. I was thirty-four when he was born and thirty-eight when I had to move out of her house. With nothing to show for myself after two failed relationships, and losing everything I worked for in the past taken when the relationships ended, I just do not have time enough before I am supposed to be retired to recoup all the damage. I am afraid of what my elderly life will bring me. I do not think I am alone in this fear. What government agency will help me when Social Security is not enough and I have not been able to keep all my assets I have worked for in my lifetime? Where will I live? How will I eat, heat my living arrangement and be able to take care of a failing body in the years to come. There certainly is not any government agency that is looking out for me right now, who is to say there will be one created before I get old. I hope that something will come along as I cannot even stand on my own two feet after eight years of being a single dad and for another six years at least, the future does not look any brighter. So at fifty-two, when I stop paying that $436/month (which could be a nice house mortgage payment in Maine) I can start my life again, I hope.
So now, you know the plight and fears of one more subject of Family Law. Not just women are causing these problems. Many men have been involved with the destruction of the family in the last forty years. We need everyone to realize this, not just the women who have sat on their respective duffs over the last half century and rode the free ride. Male judges, male lawyers, male DHS employees, male psychologists and other males directly and indirectly involved need to wake up and smell the coffee. It is brewing.
I had so much more to say at first, but then I read all of the previous posts.
March 1st, 2007 at 5:07 am
Awwwhhh Ssschhhhukkkks…..
February 28th, 2007 at 8:32 pm
Teri, I’m sorry you were feeling pain yesterday. I hope it passes soon. I have felt the pain of several relationships ended. But they all pale in comparison to the pain inflicted by the government interference in my parental relationships. Our government has enacted laws in flagrant violation of the constitutions they are sworn to protect.
Every problem you’ve identified is just another anti-constitutional law or rule. Our due process is sinking faster than the Titanic, and the rate will only increase. We need educators like you; it’s our only salvation.
Beyond the peonage law, I know that every one of us has a right to be raised by both our own parents. Marriage or not, our kids are born with this right. It comes to them because they are here, that’s all. They are here on this planet, born into American citizenship with protections endowed them as in no other nation on earth.
It’s discouraging to realize that so few people have recognized that this destruction is caused by elected lawmakers that are purely ignorant of the law.
Thanks for all you do, you are loved by many more folks than you know.
Richard Eichinger
Eaton, OH
February 28th, 2007 at 4:59 pm
I just have to pop in to tell you guys that I meant what I wrote about you in the article. You have no idea how much I appreciate your friendships. I love you guys.
February 28th, 2007 at 9:46 am
I only got to date the cheerleader once…the cheerleading coach scared her away!
Zed, some woman you dated there…being able to throw concrete blocks around is physically impressive. They might not have to modify the fireman’s test for that one!
February 28th, 2007 at 7:07 am
on the subject of stalkers – concrete block through a 5 ft square picture window, here.
February 28th, 2007 at 3:14 am
GladMadSadDad, oh dear oh dear. You dated a cheerleader AND a cheerleader coach !! That’s NASTy. Narcissicm Attraction Syndrome, Twice.
February 28th, 2007 at 2:11 am
Martian…I too dated a stalker. This time, after divorcing my first psycho, I ended the relationship quickly.
Of course, she would have none of that and actually chased me down while I was on a date! No lie…this nut did a Starsky & Hutch with her car and I had to stop or run into her in the road. As she went for the passenger door and accosted the young lady…first date mind you…the victim screamed, “You were my cheerleading coach!!” Yep…as the stalker grabbed my date, she was recognized. I think she was so shocked that she couldn’t do anything but run away in embarassment.
In Steveno’s world, I know I did something patriarchal to create this mess, but I still haven’t figured out what it was…
February 28th, 2007 at 1:59 am
Given such license we will see more and more self-destruction on the TV.
Entertainment Tonight is almost Self-Destruction Tonight.
In time it will reach a peak and you can watch it 24/7/365 on a cable channel. Like ESPN!
What shall we call it? hmmmmmmm…..
Jerry Springer TV!
February 28th, 2007 at 1:44 am
GladMadSadDad, I had a stalker too. Back when I was young, foolish, and dating. Besides driving by my house to check for ‘unauthorized’ cars parked there, she showed up at a first date I had and made a big scene, totally freaking out the other woman and causing her to leave (can’t blame her). My stalker was even in ‘counseling’ at the time.
Brittany, the recent nutty astronaut, and all the rest are only the tip of a huge female crazy iceberg out there. With the feminist program largely having been about removing all social constraints on women and giving them permission to do just about anything they feel like, we can expect hours of entertainment with many more unthinkably bizarre episodes well into the future.
February 28th, 2007 at 12:49 am
We do appreciate you Teri.
Just appears you have taken on a gargatuan task, as women who have been hurt badly by men are polar opposite from men who have been hurt by women and denied justice by the courts.
These are just cases of extremes.
We do not expect you to talk these women from their extreme and pain over to our position to be compasionate, and vica versa.
That would be outrageous to expect of ANYONE.
The challenge will remain.
Certainly we men who hurt so much made some terrible choices, just like the ladies you mention. Mine was wrong despite being in the Church and listening to all of the Marriage Ministries.
Clearly, people who hurt like us are going to need to examine the value system that lead us into misery. The expectations that were unrealistic.
The men here are of the opinion that the lies would have been nothing, but it is the compounded damage of the FC System that is utterly devistating.
All you can do Teri is help them adopt a new value system, realistic expectatons and understanding of men, rejection of the present day institution of marriage and the FC System, and the final piece take them down the road to giving and being able to recognize mutual respect and appreciation.
That is a lot isn’t it?!
But those are the building blocks, and not all of us damaged souls are going to make that journey.
You may try, you may pray, you may cry, but you cannot take away our pain.
Don’t let your compassion dry up for us injured animals. But do understand when you are trying to carry too much.
There is a vast chasm of distance between the hurting women and hurting men, and not enough of you to fill it as much as you may want to.
So acknowledge the pain of each, and figure out how to shorten the distance between.
Blessed are the Peace Makers, for they will never be without work.
February 27th, 2007 at 9:18 pm
The volleyball money came back to haunt me. During our divorce proceedings my ex claimed that I was earning an extra $75/week, 52 weeks per year. The truth was that I refereed volleyball about 20 times a year and was only paid $50 each time. I even had a sworn affidavit from the volleyball league president. My ex had nothing but her bogus claim. Predictably, the feminist indoctrinated judge believed her.
February 27th, 2007 at 9:04 pm
GladMad+, that 50 mile drive – clearly, to ANYONE with even a tiny male brain, you were out looking for a hooker to spend all that vollyball referee money on. I bet you passed 50 at least, you picky bastard!
February 27th, 2007 at 8:41 pm
Teri,
You must know this isn’t real. How many of the women having problems getting a husband do you work with? Are they alcoholics or do they have mental issues? This marriage strike isn’t even hiiting the surface to most women.
Let’s look at the Italians. Is it the marriage strike that is making their birth rate low? No, it is not. The problem is that mothers are spoiling their boys. They are ironing thier clothes, doing thier washing, doting on them and making wonderful dinners. The males love their mamas. That is the problem. How can women be number one when the mother in laws are interfering? I have been through this myself. I was just a young girl when I married (now that I look back) and my mother in law who had boys handed me a pudding recipe and a steam pot saying, “This is my sons favorite pudding.”
So basically, I was to forget about a tight budget to save for a house. Oh, no. I was to spoil my man.
Their girls they are losing. So they work on the boys to benefit their own needs. They are mothers for life you know. They were suppose to gain from their girls yet things have change so they gain from their sons. But they do not gain. They were never mean’t to gain from their sons. Sons are mean’t to follow their women and as the saying goes. You lose a son but you gain a son through a daughter.
As for elder george. Well he is nuts. Infact I am spam for him yet I was never anti men but I didn’t go with what he wants to hear. Forget about his logic. It is never going to win over women. Men by themselves in power make wars, they don’t nurture the individuals where we lose our boys. Women in power go to the other extreme. They nurture yet they can’t nurture all for life.
We need to negotiate. There has to be balance. There has to be equality. There are less elders out there than there are young and middle aged. 30-40. There is no going back. You should never go back. You should always look forward. IMO it is not that the majority of women want men to suffer no more than the majoity of men want women to suffer. There has to be a balance between the patrairchy and the matriarchy.
February 27th, 2007 at 8:02 pm
Last one…I promise.
When we bought a house I began refereeing volleyball to bring in some extra money. Standing on a ladder in a hot gym for three hours can wreak havoc with your appearance. My ex started to question whether I was actually refereeing. I guess I got the cash from robbing a bank while I was out cavorting?
One time I came out of the gym and spotted her car at the far end of the parking lot. I decided to see how far she would take her paranoia…I must have drove 50 miles that night down dark back roads as my ex followed me at a distance. I can only wonder what she was thinking. The saddest part was that she had my 1 year old son in tow.
As I finally headed in the direction of home, she took another route and beat me home. I never said a word about it, and neither did she. Of course, in the world of feminism, she wasn’t stalking me…only men stalk.
February 27th, 2007 at 7:54 pm
You got me going now…
When I was young and first married, my ex and I would go out to disco clubs from time to time (her choice, not mine!). I got into the habit of always sitting in a chair facing the wall. If I didn’t, she would accuse me of looking at other women.
The strategy worked most of the time, but being that discos were loaded with mirror, sometimes even facing the walls wouldn’t calm her down. She would claim I was looking at other women in the mirror! Funny now…but it wasn’t funny then.
February 27th, 2007 at 7:49 pm
I knew I was in trouble any time I came home and my wife began a conversation with “I was watching Oprah today…”.
When my son was born, I was walking out the door to go see the two of them at the hospital when my brother showed up. He asked to use my phone and I said, “Go ahead. Lock up when you leave.”
Fast forward a month or so, and I was screamed at, hit, and she called my Mom claiming that while she was in the hospital I had called my girlfriend. I had completely forgotten about letting my brother use the phone (can you blame me, I was on the way to the hospital to see my kid).
My ex fruitcase actually called the number and ranting and raged at the poor women who answered. After about a month I was telling my brother about my ex’s latest fury when he remembered his phone call. When she found out the truth…no apology…to me or anyone else. I still cringe thinking about it (13 years ago).
I know not all women are like this, but if you make a poor choice and get stuck with one of the loonies, God help you.
February 27th, 2007 at 7:01 pm
Hahahahaha. – Nothing WRONG?!? My ex wouldn’t speak to me for a week once for something she DREAMED I did. (True Story) –
Been there, had that. Dreamed, dreamed up, invented, imagined, you name it. I have had more affairs than hot dinners. Women all over have fallen all over me in droves. I have said things even when I wasn’t there. I have an identical twin it seems who lives in a nearby sewer pipe and takes my place at crucial moments. Some of the things I an supposed to have done, I wish I had! At least it would have been some compensation for the punishments after.
February 27th, 2007 at 4:42 pm
Some women choose revenge, even if the guy didn’t do anything wrong.
Nothing WRONG?!? My ex wouldn’t speak to me for a week once for something she DREAMED I did. (True Story)
February 27th, 2007 at 2:50 pm
(Cue the arguments about men being more honorable than women. Rot. Good behavior is a matter of education. Women can be educated into it just as well as men can.)
Train people that they have an advantage because it is right, just, fair, and legal to have and use that advantage…
February 27th, 2007 at 2:43 pm
Maybe one day…
(damn, I wish this thing had an edit feature!)
February 27th, 2007 at 2:42 pm
Sorry to hear that, Teri. Yes, by all means take a break. Take a long one. Ending the Gender War does not rest on your back alone.
SOMEOFUSmen do know that women hurt, too. Maybe on day, everyone will get so sick of the bloodletting that they will decide to lay down their arms and live in peace.
Find some peace for yourself, ok?
February 27th, 2007 at 2:26 pm
I’m sorry, but I have to take a break from responding. I’m dealing with a broken heart today and I doubt my comments would be impartial.
Feeling what I do right now makes me believe the cold-hearted women you talk about were once in these shoes. Because of who I am, I deal with it with tears. Some women choose revenge, even if the guy didn’t do anything wrong.
Carry on Guys, just know women hurt too.
February 27th, 2007 at 1:53 pm
Oh, hey Teri. You might want to look at the ads that get run beside your articles. I didn’t notice until I got spun up about you ‘not noticing’ the the constant misandry in the media. The ads next to this article are:
Sex Offender Registry Info
Background Checks
Another Sex Offender Registry
Web Detective
Not exactly mainstream advertising ‘eh? Hope they didn’t tailor them for you.
February 27th, 2007 at 1:46 pm
Ahhh! Wouldn’t be honest… Sorry.
February 27th, 2007 at 1:44 pm
Teri, You said,
You guys are missing my point, or maybe (some of) you simply don’t care. – BINGO! We can be prosecuted for caring! Not one of us can afford to care.
If you want or need MND to be your place to vent, fine, but it seems like you keep saying the same thing over and over. Some of you just degrade women. How is that helpful? – WE don’t denigrate women. WE have stories that WE can’t even believe. Every nasty, cruel, vicious thing I’ve ever seen done, was done by a woman. Sometimes just for her amusement.
I have single moms in my Yahoo group who’ve really been scr*wed over by men. Some have been abandoned, others raped, and at least one has a child by rape. Some of those women are now men’s advocates. They got past the anger and rage. Is it too much to wish you could too? – I don’t think you understand. We, (yes, the royal WE) don’t get the liberty to be angry for long. Most of us still love women, even though we’re not willing to put any tender bits into that bear trap. I’m not willing to make any more truce overtures, because I’ve regretted every single time I’ve been involved with a woman, (wife, boss, renter, roomie, whatever)
Okay, now I’m going to pull a “chick thing;†I’m going to make this all about me. : ) – THAT is exactly what I’ve been expecting. Though it took longer than most.
I volunteer my time and skills almost every day to this cause. I’ve put much effort into getting the truth out there to counter what the rads say about you. It frustrates me to no end when I see you do something that makes my efforts less effective. – I can’t say your efforts have had any effect. It’s literally shoveling sand against the tide. Putting it poetically, “The avalanche has started. It’s too late for the pebbles to vote.”
Please, always be aware of the eyes on your words. If I tell people that you guys are average guys who just happened to get scr*wed over, that you’re not woman-hating abusers, people believe me. If they then come to MND and see the things written here about women, they’ll think I lied and the rads were telling the truth. – YOU don’t have to be ’screwed’ to see the carnage. Are you telling me that you don’t know half (50-65%)of the marriages around you are crashed by 80% of the wives? Are you trying to tell us that you haven’t seen the man-bashing in every single media this world has? Are you trying to tell us that the divorce courts are fair? Are you trying to tell us that the ‘must arrest’, restraining orders and ‘dead beat dad’ and alimony rules are fair? If you are then you should really give up, because you would be honest.