What started out as a routine gynecological visit took a tragic turn yesterday when one doctor lost his footing while examining hotel heiress Paris Hilton. Dr. Jack Talerico, known as the “gynecologist to the stars”, slipped while attempting to examine a small lesion in her groin area. 
“He was right next to me and when I looked up, he had begun sliding,” said Talerico’s partner Dr. Philip McCavanaugh. “In the old days that wouldn’t have been a problem, but there was nothing for him to grab on to. I’ll never forget his last words: ‘Help-elp-elp-elp-elp-elp… me-e-e-e-e-e-e-e!’ I do believe they will haunt me forever.”
Rescuers have not yet given up hope, although the likelihood for a safe recovery seems small.
“I don’t mean to be pessimistic, but the outlook is not good,” said Captain Dave Sanderson of the California National Guard’s 101st Spelunker Brigade. “Of course we’ll continue the search, but I can’t help thinking of the Courtney Love colonoscopy incident of ‘03. We lost a lot of good men that day. A lot of good men.”
Buckley F. Wiliams is the Senior Editor of The Nose On Your Face which offers “News so fake, you’ll swear it came from the mainstream media.”
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