I just finished reading this book today, “Men’s Rights Activists” by Steeves Volmar. It took me three sittings to read the whole thing, about 3-4 hours total. I bought the hard copy instead of the PDF download, since I’ve found that I can never really read an online book the way I can read a traditional one. From the outside, the book actually resembled a textbook you might find in a college course. On the inside, the text is double spaced in a large font, and the author’s name tops every page (rather than the book’s name and current chapter). I consider these the trappings of using the Lulu Web site for self-publishing. I do salute the author, Steeves Volmar, for just sticking out his neck and writing the thing.
Volmar is pictured on the back cover of the book. He is a black man in his early twenties, looking very much the college student. The writing is quite often strident, and more of a stream of consciousness than a tome of research. What can be expected of a college student in his early 20s, a man who really hasn’t lived yet? But the passion is there, and he hits on all the main points of the men’s movement in a generalized sort of way. Oh, and he’s bisexual. Throughout the book, whenever Volmar calls for all human beings to be treated with dignity, he often lists various factions of society and always throws in sexual orientation. I consider this to be a rather unique perspective; typically, gays and bisexuals have tended toward the far left wing of the political spectrum, where misandry is openly espoused. Volmar barely dwells on his sexual orientation, however, and instead stakes out his identity as a full-fledged Men’s Rights Activist.
Do not expect nuggets of academic research or analyses of court decisions and case law from this book. It is written in a very casual sort of way, punctuated by sharp political rants. The occasional bitterness is actually refreshing, in a way, as any MRA who got into this movement by some brush with experience will likely feel extremely validated (I know I did!)
As I read the opening pages of the book, I thought there would be little in the way of substance from such a young and inexperienced writer. Certainly it is not on par with the works of Warren Farrell or Nathanson and Young. But there were some very valuable nuggets of wisdom that I found growing on me as I read. These were Volmar’s personal anecdotes from his own life, describing the things he had seen and heard, describing his own feelings as he engaged in discussions and set out to spread his message through a leafleting campaign. You can tell that there is a deep and undeniable power that he has tapped into, not just in his own psyche but also in the positive reactions he received from almost everyone who heard his message. The lesson I take from this book is that the average person on the street has PLENTY of agreement with a lot of our movement’s core principles; they simply need to be engaged by men like Volmar, men of courage who speak openly about what’s on their hearts and minds.
I would like to quote some passages from the book that particularly moved me. These are not grouped in conceptual order, but rather in the order that I found them interspersed throughout the book. This is the best glimpse you’ll get into the power and relatability of this book, a relatability to the “man on the street” which is Volmar’s primary strength as both a writer and activist. This relatability is the meat of his book; I encourage anyone to buy this book if these quotes inspire you.
Page 17:
One lady approached me once the word had started getting around that someone was speaking left and right about Male Victims of Domestic Violence, Gender-based Discrimination Against Men and False Accusations. That lady, a black woman in her forties approached me and told me a rather sad story: Her son, whom she raised to be a fine young gentleman (and aspiring lawyer) had been hauled away to jail the day before by the police after they got called onto the scene by his lying, manipulative ex-girlfriend, who had been stalking him for quite some time. Yes, female stalkers do exist and they’re a lot more dangerous than male stalkers. The police will arrest a male stalker but they will gladly take a bullet for a female stalker if she flashes them her deceptively innocent smile after telling them a sob story. It’s eerie.The lady’s son had broken up with the ex-girlfriend a month ago. Somehow, she snuck up into his apartment, and waited for him to come home. Once he came home, she confronted him. She wanted him back, but he no longer wanted her. The terrified young man told her that he was not taking her back, that they were through. he no longer wanted her in his life. This angered her, and she called the cops on him. In her best victim’s voice, she told the dispatchers that she was being assaulted by her supposedly violent boyfriend. What followed is a classic case of the False Accusation Made by a Vengeful Woman to Ruin an Innocent Man’s Life.
The cops came, and didn’t even give the young man a chance to explain what happened or get his side of the story. If they had, they would have learned that this was his apartment and that she did not live there anymore. In fact, she had committed two crimes and the system allowed her to get away with them: Breaking and entering, along with making a false report. Why? Because she is female, and these days, the police are loathe to arrest women…
…The cops took the young man away…
Volmar goes on to describe how this accused man had worked very hard in high school, becoming his class valedictorian, and was now in danger of losing everything simply due to a woman’s scorn. His grandmother was too poor to bail him out, so Volmar dug into his own funds — gift money sent to him by his own father for his birthday — and used it to bail the falsely accused man, a fellow student, out of jail. This is practicing what he believed and preached.
Page 27:
Men of different backgrounds and sexual orientations are also targeted [by misandrists]. Let’s not forget our homosexual and bisexual brothers, for they are our brothers, no matter what anyone says.
Page 43:
If society is going to chemically neuter a male sex offender, than a female sex offender should get the same treatment. A hysterectomy. That’s the punishment repeat sexual offenders who are female should receive. Anyone who disagrees is simply gender biased and has a hidden agenda.
Page 54:
It’s only equality if it benefits women.
Page 58:
One of my professors, a female I might add, was talking about domestic violence. I noticed that she spoke an awful lot about men abusing women. That didn’t seem fair to me. I know that there are a lot of violent women out there and that male victims of domestic violence do exist, even though they’ve been silenced… I got up in class and spoke.”Excuse me, Miss? I noticed that you said a lot of things about women being victims of domestic violence and all, and you didn’t mention the male victims.”
The whole class stared at me. I shrugged and stood my ground, continuing.
“I know that male victims of abuse exist. There are books about them. Yet you fail to mention them. What’s up with that?”
The teacher looked at me. Yeah, she looked stunned. She simply folded her arms and shrugged. “There isn’t a lot of talk about battered men. The focus has been on women, you’re right. If you want, you could do more research on the issue and talk about it.”
I looked at her. “Oh, I intend to do just that!”
I walked out of class with my pal Rashid…. “Hey, brother. Wait up,” he says. “What you said in class was deep, man,” Rashid said. I stared at him. Rashid is a highly intelligent youth and a gifted mathematician. He is also a joker; it’s rare to hear him sound so serious.
“What do you mean?”
Rashid proceeded to tell me about an experience he had.
“Last year, I was dating this girl named Mildred, man. She was fine as hell. We were real cool together, then one day she just went crazy on me and hit me, man.”
I looked at Rashid. Many men would have laughed at him, but not me. I’m a young Black man and in the community I’m from, violent women are all too common.
Volmar goes on to describe Rashid’s story; Rashid’s girlfriend isolated him from his friends, and even his own family. Eventually he had to move away from his home town, to the college town where he met Volmar. Volmar assures him that it is not Rashid’s fault, and provides a much-needed ear, and consolement, to a fellow man who had experienced much pain and anguish. I sometimes wish this human component of the men’s movement was more developed than it is now; politics, debate and philosophy tend to overshadow the simple act of helping the hurting men all around us.
Page 74:
A man living in the 1940s would probably beat the living daylights out of a man he saw beating on a woman. A woman of the 2000s watching another woman beating on a helpless man might laugh and think it’s funny.
On page 85, Volmar gets a great idea about distributing some informational flyers for male victims of female violence (resources for them, shelters, support, etc.) At a visit to his barber, Gino, he notices some wounds on Gino’s arms and asks him about them.
“I met a crazy girl last night, man. I was at the club, she asked me to dance with her. I turned her down since I had another chick in my mind, but she went crazy and slashed me with her nails. What a bitch!”
[Volmar replies:] “Damn, man. This chick must have been a real psycho, huh? I hope you got away from her.”
Gino smiled. “I took off like Speedy Gonzales, amigo. I hate it when chicks mess with a man. They do that stuff just because they know cops will look the other way when it’s a woman hurting a man, but they will arrest the man whether he’s at fault or not.”
This coming from a non-MRA (Volmar’s barber). There is an untapped reservoir of support for our movement, people. Volmar is making friends with people around him, getting into their lives, talking openly with his fellow man about the double standards men are up against in the form of the police, and a culture that suppresses such male pain. Who makes friends with their barber?
Gino suggests to Volmar that he ought to create some informational flyers for abused men (or men who are at risk of being abused, which is pretty much everybody). Gino suggests that Volmar can pass these flyers, packed with information and resources, out to complete strangers. Later in the book, Volmar describes how the positive reception he received was universal and powerful. Fellow classmates in his gender studies class — including females — readily agreed that women get away with so much abuse, and are more vicious at it than males. Customers at the barber shop listen to Volmar get up and speak to them, they tell of friends and family members who need this information and vow to pass it on. Businessmen walking by on the street ask for Volmar’s permission to let them keep the flyer, so they can go make copies at the office and carry on the message!
I won’t post any further quotes from the book unless anyone asks… There are several more, simple but powerful stories of the character of a man who simply wants to help his fellow man. There is no mention of Volmar or an organization he represents on these flyers; he is not promoting himself (although I would not begrudge him if he was). He simply is speaking out in a public that has been trained to shut up and deny the existence of misandry toward males.
Okay, I lied. One final quote. I just had to post this one; what a story! Volmar has got some nerve and courage in him… The setting is in a video store in a mall, where Volmar sought to escape the summer heat and find his favorite movie, The Godfather. Within this store an exchange takes place between Volmar and a misandrist female clerk, who gets a piece of his mind:
Page 162:
A blonde female clerk was having a conversation with a tall, large bald Hispanic man. both of them were store employees. “Men are just pigs, and dogs,” said the female clerk. I noticed that the bald man kept his mouth shut. I stared at the scene. What’s wrong with this man? His gender is being insulted, and he keeps his mouth shut? Would he react in the same manner if the woman had insulted his race? What would have been his reaction then?
Substitute “men” for anything else and you will see how wrong the statement she made was. If you substitute men with “Black people,” there might have been an uproar. This man didn’t react because, where he grew up, it’s considered okay to bash men. Lucky for us, I’m nothing like him. Bash men in my presence and you will get the same reaction you’d get from anyone else if you were bashing Black people. Bigotry is bigotry and should never be tolerated. It’s never funny and always harmful. Especially when it goes unchallenged.
I put down The Godfather and walked up to the blonde female clerk.
“Excuse me,” I said. She turned around, with a fake professional smile. “How can I help you?”
I smiled. “What you just said, about men being pigs and dogs, I wanted to let you know that I find it offensive.” The clerk looked at me, eyes wide and jaw flapping in the breeze. “Huh?”
I stood my ground. “You heard me. I heard what you said, and I don’t like it. In fact, if you had said the same thing about Black people, as a Black man I could have filed a lawsuit and had your job for this. I don’t need to hear either of my people bashed when I go shopping.”
The clerk turned red. “It’s not that serious,” she said. “I was just joking.”
I glared at her. “I don’t find it funny. And I know I’m not the only man who doesn’t find these remarks funny. Watch what you say, lest you offend somebody.”
With that, I walked out of the store. I could feel people’s stares on me. I didn’t care. I’ve always prided myself on saying what needs to be said, and doing what needs to be done. I don’t apologize for being right. Ever.
Stand up for your rights. Don’t let anyone demean you because you’re a man, regardless of your race, age or sexual orientation. You don’t have to put up with it. You’ve got rights. The funny thing about having human rights is that when you stop standing up for them, you cease to have them. Don’t let that happen.
God, that last one just had me cheering. And there’s all kinds of golden nuggets, poignant and authentic stories interspersed throughout the book where Volmar just recounts what he has done in his life. You really do get inspired by his example as the book comes to a close. As an activist myself, I had always dreamed of taking the fight to the airwaves, the Web, the newspapers, legislatures… After reading Volmar’s book, I’m now inclined to start this revolution by spreading the message to my next-door neighbors.
If you want to be inspired by everyday acts of courage and kindness, showing you how our movement needs a human face, showing you how much support is just waiting to be found in common folk all around us, then go and buy this book:
http://www.lulu.com/content/704697
