A child arrived just the other day,
He came to the world in the usual way.
But there were planes to catch, and bills to pay.
He learned to walk while I was away.
And he was talking ‘fore I knew it, and as he grew,
He’d say, “I’m gonna be like you, dad.
You know I’m gonna be like you.” And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little boy blue and the man in the moon.
“When you coming home, dad?” “I don’t know when,
But we’ll get together then.
You know we’ll have a good time then.”
My son turned ten just the other day.
He said, “Thanks for the ball, dad, come on let’s play.
Can you teach me to throw?” I said, “Not today,
I got a lot to do.” He said, “That’s ok.”
And he walked away, but his smile never dimmed,
Said, “I’m gonna be like him, yeah.
You know I’m gonna be like him.”And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little boy blue and the man in the moon.
“When you coming home, dad?” “I don’t know when,
But we’ll get together then.
You know we’ll have a good time then.”Well, he came from college just the other day,
So much like a man I just had to say,
“Son, I’m proud of you. Can you sit for a while?”
He shook his head, and he said with a smile,
“What I’d really like, dad, is to borrow the car keys.
See you later. Can I have them please?”
And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little boy blue and the man in the moon.
“When you coming home, son?” “I don’t know when,
But we’ll get together then, dad.
You know we’ll have a good time then.”
I’ve long since retired and my son’s moved away.
I called him up just the other day.
I said, “I’d like to see you if you don’t mind.”
He said, “I’d love to, dad, if I could find the time.
You see, my new job’s a hassle, and the kid’s got the flu,
But it’s sure nice talking to you, dad.
It’s been sure nice talking to you.”
And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me,
He’d grown up just like me.
My boy was just like me.
And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little boy blue and the man in the moon.
“When you coming home, son?” “I don’t know when,
But we’ll get together then, dad.
You know we’ll have a good time then.”
–”Cat’s in the Cradle’ by Harry Chapin
John Curtis, author of The Business of Love, has some interesting observations on the difficulties fathers face in balancing work and children. He argues that current corporate family leave policies aren’t meeting fathers’ needs, for a variety of reasons.
Work-Life Still Out of Balance for Fathers: Is HR Policy just Smoke & Mirrors?
By John Curtis
The Challenge:
Despite employers’ best efforts to be sensitive, responsive and family-friendly, a majority of fathers are deliberately engaging in some form of scaling back career expectations, and their activities involved a reduction or restructuring of their commitment to paid employment!
The Corporate “Smoke and Mirrors”:
While their intentions to address this “scaling back” may be positive, most corporate executives are deluding themselves if they think that family-friendly polices are actually improving men’s commitment to work or are worth the return-on-the-investment.
“It is surprising to find evidence that family-friendly benefits are grossly underutilized,” Hochschild (2001).
“Employers are attempting to respond to the work-life balance needs of their dual-income employees, often with little or no meaningful impact,” Gelles (1995).
“As of 2003, of the 384 Fortune 500 companies with paternity leave, only 9 firms have received a single request for that benefit,” Hochschild (2001).
The Father Factor:
As Kathy Gurchiek, points out in her article for the Society for Human Resource Management, fathers today do not want to be the father in Harry Chapin’s haunting song “Cat’s in the Cradle”—the father who put work ahead of his children, only to hear the lament, “When you comin’ home, Dad?”
“Most work/life programs were created with mothers in mind. Surveys show more mothers than fathers taking advantage of work / life balance programs and policies such as flexible work schedules, telecommuting, taking a leave or sabbatical, and changing work schedules informally,” Brown (2007). (more…)
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Menck said,
By the way, since I got this to post, can anybody tell me how to contact whoever is the administrator for this site, as I’m having a bear of a time trying to post any responses. They keep being rejected by the site’s spam filter. To anybody who answers with help, thanks in advance.
March 31, 2007 at 10:26 pm
amfortas said,
April 1, 2007 at 7:33 am
rastus said,
April 1, 2007 at 8:32 am
mirwalk said,
Anyway, the point I am trying to make is that if the corporate level EXPECTS a certain level of work from you, and you can only make that quota by constantly working, then you CANNOT take advantage of these programs. As amfortas says this is the suicide. You can’t keep up with their expectations since you have to constantly pour out work.
I was in a corporate job for awhile, most of the department heads were working from like 8 am to 8pm with some more work at home. Pretty much the job was their entire life. I just couldn’t do that… The CEO once said that he liked hiring single males since he knew he could beat the heck out of them and they would keep coming back. He knew that women wouldn’t work like that.
So I guess the real question is, How do you offer the benefits but have people realize that its OK to take them? And then how do you enforce that nothing happens to the person that does take them? With paternity leave women have long had one option that they know there will be no repercussions. So taking other forms of leave is not hard for them. But men have no set one they can begin with.
Well that’s enough with my ranting for now.
April 1, 2007 at 9:08 am
amfortas said,
So on the one hand she wants him to be with the family more but wants him at work more, simultaneously. He lives in a psychotic pressure cooker with her as the heat source. Damned if he does and damned if he doesn’t.
April 2, 2007 at 9:18 am
jackal1994 said,
If families would just scale back their rampant spending fathers could work less. What good is it to work 80hour weeks (to install an in-ground swimming pool) when your kids just want to spend time with you?
The same could be said for mothers working. When you tally the costs:
2 new dependable cars with full coverage, both parents buying fast food, usually ordering take-out dinner, increased gasoline, and daycare.
If the mother stayed home they could have 1 dependable care & one slightly less dependable car for shopping & school runs, home cooked dinners (for far less), packed lunches, and no daycare expense (not to mention possible molestation) the family budget would probably be close to break-even compared to the mother working.
People need to learn to live without things like high-priced gadgets, expense cable tv, broadband, and a host of other expensive things.
Instead of buying a $1000 digital camera, buy an older model at the pawn shop for $150 that has 90% the same capabilities.
We’ve talked about the image of fathers in tv shows, but one important side-point is that fathers tend to discipline, mothers tend to nurture/support. In a number of tv shows, I’ve seen the father try to lay down the law with a punishment, and the mother either coddle the father until he agrees, or just break the punishment to the kid behind the father’s back.
The upshot of these episodes is usually the father admitting he was being to hard and assimilating the mother’s nurture supportive behavior. I think this obsessive consumer mentality has a lot to do with men becoming yes-men to their women who want things for themselves or the kids. And the higher number of female headed households–by separating the dad from his money the mother has nobody to argue with about buying $400 leather pants for the kid.
April 2, 2007 at 10:54 am