Fathers, Work-Life Balance, and ?Cat?s in the Cradle?

A child arrived just the other day,
He came to the world in the usual way.
But there were planes to catch, and bills to pay.
He learned to walk while I was away.
And he was talking ‘fore I knew it, and as he grew,
He’d say, “I’m gonna be like you, dad.
You know I’m gonna be like you.” And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little boy blue and the man in the moon.
“When you coming home, dad?” “I don’t know when,
But we’ll get together then.
You know we’ll have a good time then.”

My son turned ten just the other day.
He said, “Thanks for the ball, dad, come on let’s play.
Can you teach me to throw?” I said, “Not today,
I got a lot to do.” He said, “That’s ok.”
And he walked away, but his smile never dimmed,
Said, “I’m gonna be like him, yeah.
You know I’m gonna be like him.”And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little boy blue and the man in the moon.
“When you coming home, dad?” “I don’t know when,
But we’ll get together then.
You know we’ll have a good time then.”Well, he came from college just the other day,
So much like a man I just had to say,
“Son, I’m proud of you. Can you sit for a while?”
He shook his head, and he said with a smile,
“What I’d really like, dad, is to borrow the car keys.
See you later. Can I have them please?”

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little boy blue and the man in the moon.
“When you coming home, son?” “I don’t know when,
But we’ll get together then, dad.
You know we’ll have a good time then.”

I’ve long since retired and my son’s moved away.
I called him up just the other day.
I said, “I’d like to see you if you don’t mind.”
He said, “I’d love to, dad, if I could find the time.
You see, my new job’s a hassle, and the kid’s got the flu,
But it’s sure nice talking to you, dad.
It’s been sure nice talking to you.”
And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me,
He’d grown up just like me.
My boy was just like me.

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little boy blue and the man in the moon.
“When you coming home, son?” “I don’t know when,
But we’ll get together then, dad.
You know we’ll have a good time then.”

–”Cat’s in the Cradle’ by Harry Chapin

John Curtis, author of The Business of Love, has some interesting observations on the difficulties fathers face in balancing work and children. He argues that current corporate family leave policies aren’t meeting fathers’ needs, for a variety of reasons.

Work-Life Still Out of Balance for Fathers: Is HR Policy just Smoke & Mirrors?
By John Curtis

The Challenge:

Despite employers’ best efforts to be sensitive, responsive and family-friendly, a majority of fathers are deliberately engaging in some form of scaling back career expectations, and their activities involved a reduction or restructuring of their commitment to paid employment!

The Corporate “Smoke and Mirrors”:

While their intentions to address this “scaling back” may be positive, most corporate executives are deluding themselves if they think that family-friendly polices are actually improving men’s commitment to work or are worth the return-on-the-investment.

“It is surprising to find evidence that family-friendly benefits are grossly underutilized,” Hochschild (2001).
 
“Employers are attempting to respond to the work-life balance needs of their dual-income employees, often with little or no meaningful impact,” Gelles (1995).

“As of 2003, of the 384 Fortune 500 companies with paternity leave, only 9 firms have received a single request for that benefit,” Hochschild (2001).

The Father Factor:

As Kathy Gurchiek, points out in her article for the Society for Human Resource Management, fathers today do not want to be the father in Harry Chapin’s haunting song “Cat’s in the Cradle”—the father who put work ahead of his children, only to hear the lament, “When you comin’ home, Dad?”

“Most work/life programs were created with mothers in mind. Surveys show more mothers than fathers taking advantage of work / life balance programs and policies such as flexible work schedules, telecommuting, taking a leave or sabbatical, and changing work schedules informally,” Brown (2007). (more…)

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