Sunday, April 29, 2007
Why Alec Baldwin Is A Good Man But A Lawyer’s Nightmare
By Rinaldo Del Gallo, III, Esq.
http://www.berkshirefatherhood.com
413-445-6789
This has something to do with Alec Baldwin, but it is going to take me a while to get there so please be patient. Right now I have a client father in a custody battle where the opposing mother had the following faults:
1. She failed drug tests numerous times during the custody battle.
2. She abandoned her children and for about a week the children had no idea where the mother was.
3. She claims to be so unintelligent and have such profound learning disabilities she cannot find a job anywhere in the workforce.
4. She has repeatedly failed to get the children to school on time or at all, with numerous unexcused tardiness and unexcused absences, despite court orders she is not to.
5. She has constantly moved around, often putting the children in overcrowded conditions.
6. She applied for a restraining order and flat out admitted the statements that she made to get it were not true.
7. Against a court order, she had let her old boyfriend live with her, who was previously convicted and did prison time for assaulting herâ€â€Âalso, numerous restraining orders issued against him. She now shacks up with his brother.
8. She has made false allegations against my client’s family, who is afraid to ask for visitation out of fear of future false allegations.
9. My client has always been there for the child, and enjoyed 50/50 custody.
10. She does not discipline or have any control over the children.
11. She often does not prepare proper meals, often giving the children cereal for breakfast.
12. Others were able to get restraining orders against her because she was violent street girl.
What was my client’s problem? He picked up his 3 year old by one arm to put him in a vanâ€â€Âhe’s done it numerous times, and its never hurt the child. As an experiment, I tried it out on one of my other client’s children, and he laughed and giggled away.
Despite being repeatedly asked to investigate the previously listed maternal shortcomings, the GAL refused. (The GAL report was drafted prior to picking up the child by one arm.) The GAL went on and on in her report about domestic violence, though the couple had not lived together for years. My client’s current girlfriend said that he was great with the children, used appropriate disciplining techniques that did not involve corporal punishment, and was basically a great father. The GAL wrote about domestic violence this, domestic violence that, ad naseum about events that happened years ago and have little foundation for being true in the first place that in any way sounded like anger or domestic violence. Everything we asked the GAL to look into was ignored. Apart from loving her children and not intentionally attempting to hurt her children, there was almost nothing positive about this drug-addicted Cheerios for breakfast mom who has never work a day in her life.
The mother applied for a restraining order due to picking the child up by one arm. Medical personal reported that there was absolutely nothing wrong with the child when they investigated shortly thereafter. I was able to get the restraining order dropped, but as my client went to pick up his child, the mother and an attorney from Western Massachusetts legal services (which only represents mothers) called DSS because “the judge made a mistake.†My client did not timely get a fair hearing and we even had to apply for a writ of mandamus to get a hearing.
As I write this, it is now April 29, 2007 and the event happened on April 6, 2006. April 6, 2006 was the last time my client saw his children. That’s rightâ€â€Âone stupid incident and he’s in the DSS quicksand.
Here is the point: no matter how incompetent the mother, no matter how much of an idiot she claims to be (we are the ones that are arguing she exaggerates her lack of intelligence and is capable of work), no matter how much of a drug addict she may be, no matter what her mental health issues, no matter how poor she might be, no matter how much she moved around and put the children in overcrowded situations, no matter how poor a mother she may be, no matter how many late days of school, missed days of school, and Cheerios dinners, no matter what exposure to violent men, in short no matter how worthless a mother, it will all be held to matter little compared to a relatively insignificant act of domestic “violence.†This will be true even where there is no physical violence at all and the other person is thousands of miles away and is therefore arguably not even “domestic.â€ÂÂ
Alec Baldwin admits he lost cool over parental alienation; for this I am highly sympathetic. I too feel that Kim Bassinger went on a campaign to alienate to his child from him. But on the show the, “The View,†he said that he directed the anger at the wrong person. And this is entirely the wrong attitude. Trying to “resolve†it with the mother is not going to fix matters. Your ex is no somebody to “direct†the anger. Your ex is a walking liability trying to screw you on a moments notice if she can get you to fall into that trap.
Take it from a divorce lawyerâ€â€Âyour ex is nothing but a walking liability who is just a phone call away from the police from making your life a living hell and any chance of you winning custody from the Cheerios-for-dinner drug-addict mom. Any thing that resembles violence will be blown way out of proportion and your spouse’s faults will be downplayed. In fact, female yelling is generally a sign that “the couple can’t get along,†and that “joint custody is inappropriate,†rather than a sign that she is violent. Female initiated argumentation is many fold times likely to be described as mutual combat rather than verbal abuse.
Expect a completely different double standard about your “argumentative nature†as compared to her “assertiveness.†As one fellow fathers’ rights activist has said, trying to talk to your ex is like talking to a wall. Eruptions are pointless and will just be ammunition used against you. What made Baldwin’s comments worse is that he actually knew he was being recorded. It was any lawyer’s worst nightmare.
More problematic than Kim Bassinger was the judge or judges that allowed this alienating behavior to go on. The fact that she released the tapes to tabloid journalist says so much her actual motives; “I am going to show the world just how bad a dad Alec really is!†thought Bassinger. And frankly, the kid sounds like a spoiled brat of rich celebrities who has nothing but disdain for her father and would probably do better in the father’s house. But may people believe that family court judges are usually jerks that contempt fathersâ€â€Âand that’s something most men have to accept. I say this plainly and matter of factly. Sadly, if Baldwin never yelled into an answering machine that his daughter was a rude and thoughtless pig, we would never be talking about parental alienation. It was the tape that made him a media sensation, not the mother’s alienation campaign.
Here is my crude and rude advice about divorceâ€â€Âyou may believe the judges are completely bigoted jerks and you as a father will be mistreated in an endless campaign of mental cruelty. Your ex will demand support payments of such a magnitude that you cannot stay financially afloat, it may be based on an income you do not have, you may be alienated from your kids, she may be a pathetic mother, you may be unjustly denied visitation, and she may up and leave to some other part of the country for little reason. But yelling at your ex, no matter how much she richly deserves it, or at your child that is growing up to be a jerk under the mother’s poor guidance, is just a set up. All the mother’s faults will be downplayed as nothing, and there will be an insane obsession with anything that vaguely resembles anger. It’s a trapâ€â€ÂI have been there many times as a lawyer, and I don’t like it. I say this seriously and not as a sarcastic joke; no matter how screwed over you have been by the courts or your wife, don’t give them more ammunition by losing your cool.
In a rational world, rational anger that is rationally based and rationally expressed is no fault. But “a rational world†is a term exclusive of our court system, the domestic violence industry, and the media. Just ask my client who picked up his kid by one arm. Take my advice and shut up and don’t vent. You are just making your lawyer’s job, extremely difficult already if you are the wrong gender, almost impossible.
