Drexler in Newsweek: Boys Raised by Single Mothers or Lesbian Couples Are ‘More Concerned About Others’

Background: In 2005 feminist gender scholar Peggy Drexler released her anti-father book Raising Boys Without Men: How Maverick Moms Are Creating the Next Generation of Exceptional Men. I criticized Drexler and her assertion that lesbian parents are better for boys than straight parents in my columns Are Boys Really Better off Without Fathers? (San Francisco Chronicle, 8/31/05) and Raising Boys Without Men: Lesbian Parents Good, Dads Bad (World Net Daily, 9/10/05).

I explained, “It’s one thing to be respectful of gays and gay parents. It’s quite another to engineer a deceptive study and use it to assert that lesbian families are a better environment in which to raise boys than heterosexual families.”

Drexler just penned a column for Newsweek titled No Such Thing as An ‘Average’ Family (5/14/07), in which she writes that boys raised by single mothers or lesbian couples are “more in touch with themselves, more concerned with the feelings of others than you might expect from teenage boys.” This is a light version of the anti-male bias which runs throughout her book. In one of my columns on the book I wrote:

“In the book’s opening pages Drexler’s message is one of tolerance for various family forms, as she notes that lesbian and single mother families ‘can’ effectively raise boys. But Raising Boys soon devolves into outright advocacy of lesbian parenting. In Drexler’s world, lesbian families—protected from fathers and their toxic masculinity–are the best environments in which to raise boys. Married heterosexual mothers try their best, but the positive influence these hapless moms try to impart to their children is overwhelmed by that of the malevolent family patriarch.

“According to Drexler, lesbian moms are ‘more sophisticated about how they teach their sons right from wrong’ than heterosexual couples, and there are ‘real advantages for a boy being raised in this new type of family.’ Heterosexual mothers don’t measure up in ‘moral attitude,’ and are less likely than lesbian moms to ‘create opportunities for their sons to examine moral and values issues.’ This in turn slows the ‘moral development in their sons.’

“Furthermore, Drexler asserts that boys raised by lesbians ‘grow up emotionally stronger,’ ‘have a wider range of interests and friendships,’ and ‘appear more at ease in situations of conflict’ than boys from ‘traditional’ (i.e., father-present) households.  Fatherless boys ‘exhibit a high degree of emotional savvy…an intuitive grasp of people and situations.’ Best of all, sons of lesbian couples are much more willing to discard traditional masculinity than boys trapped in heterosexual households.

“For example, Fiona’s son paints his nails, while both of Maria’s sons dance ballet. Ursula’s son chose sewing and cooking for his electives in 7th grade. Kathy’s son has rejected playing baseball as being ‘too competitive’—no surprise, because in their local, father-led baseball league, ‘the better players get more playing time.’

“Yet Drexler’s research has obvious flaws. For one, the families she studied were middle to upper class, older women who volunteered to have their lives intimately scrutinized over a multiyear period–an unrepresentative, self-selected sample.

“More importantly, her research suffers from confirmatory bias—Drexler saw what she wanted to see. Drexler is not an objective social scientist, but instead a passionate advocate for lesbian mothers.  She calls the ‘maverick mothers’ raising sons without men ‘avatars of a new social movement,’ and says her book’s ‘stories, voices, data, and findings will reassure, hearten, and empower’ them. Her research did not measure objective indices of child well-being, such as rates of juvenile crime, drop-outs or teen pregnancy. Instead Drexler personally conducted interviews of mothers and their sons and made subjective judgments about their family lives. It is not surprising that Drexler found lesbian families to her liking. In fact, her dogged determination to see only good in
lesbian couples and problems in heterosexual ones at times reaches absurd proportions.

“For example, though Drexler doesn’t seem to notice, her lesbian moms, particularly the ‘social’ (i.e., nonbiological moms), cheerfully endure insults and disrespect that no parent should ever tolerate. Carol’s son calls her ‘stupid.’ Bianca’s son calls her ‘lazy.’ Martha’s son hops into her bed and effectively tells Martha tough luck, sucker–go sleep somewhere else. Thankfully, in each case progressive lesbian mom dealt with the problem through patience and talking. By contrast dad—who Drexler usually portrays as being overly strict–would probably have had junior pull weeds in the yard for a few hours as he waves goodbye to his PlayStation. He is (sigh) sadly unenlightened.

“For Drexler, boys raised by lesbians are a better breed than those raised by heterosexual couples. One day when Drexler was struggling to hold on to her briefcase and her bags, 11 year-old Damien saw ‘that I needed help and immediately offered it.’ Drexler is taken aback—a boy being helpful and caring? She notes ‘when I thought about it later, it clicked in my head: This is a boy being raised by two moms.’ (more…)

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