‘I can try to turn myself into Mother of the Year and make my husband out to be the bad guy…But the truth is, I was selfish’
“There we were: your basic American family. My husband loved his job in foreign relations; I worked from home as a writer so I could be there for our kids, a girl and a boy. Yes, we had the usual quarrels over money and time, but we seemed happy enough, with one exception: My husband was content to stop at two children; I wanted more. Every few months, we’d go back and forth about this…and he’d say, ‘We have two wonderful children. Why do you want to mess everything up with a baby?’
“I saw his point. Still, I’d look at my kids, thinking about how special each was, and wonder, Who else is waiting to be born? And then, in the space of a few impulsive moments, I stopped wondering and did the unthinkable.Â
 “I knew I was ovulating. I had the diaphragm in my hand. But instead of putting it in, I told myself, ‘Let’s just see what happens. Just this once.’ And I quietly put the diaphragm back in the medicine cabinet, knowing my husband was lying in bed waiting for me, knowing that he trusted me completely, that it wouldn’t even occur to him that I could deceive him in this way. Afterward I told him that I’d forgotten to use it, and eased his fears with some lame remark like ‘probably nothing will happen.’
“What makes an otherwise sane woman do something like this? I can try to ennoble it, to turn myself into Mother of the Year and make my husband out to be the bad guy because he didn’t want more kids. But the truth is, I was selfish–selfish enough to think I should have what I wanted and everyone else would have to adjust.”
The above quotes are drawn from “Confessions: The big lie I told my husband” (Redbook, Oct. 1998), told by a woman who had two children, lied to her husband about birth control, and then had twins. The full story is below.
I certainly don’t condone all of the husband’s behavior here, but it is refreshing to see a woman take responsibility for her actions. What she did to her husband, in my humble opinion, is a far bigger betrayal of his trust than what he did to her in retaliation, though both acts are clearly wrong.
A marriage is supposed to be built on trust, but ours was almost wrecked by
my one thoughtless act. And no, it wasn’t an affair
By Elizabeth Hume
Redbook, Oct. 1998
I’ve never cheated on him, nor have I ever faked an orgasm. Still, I betrayed my husband, and for that, we’ve both paid a very steep price. Of course, at the time of my deception, I had no idea just how far-reaching the consequences would be, or that we’d still be picking up the pieces this many years later. (more…)
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May 16th, 2007 at 8:54 pm
“I certainly don’t condone all of the husband’s behavior here”
Why is there all ways a qualifier about men when the story is about what a women did? Until we can get over always blaming men for something, progress will not be made.
May 16th, 2007 at 9:08 pm
The woman confessed “But the truth is, I was selfish–selfish enough to think ‘I’ should have what ‘I’ wanted and everyone else would have to adjust.”
This is an underlying modus operandi when discussing gender issues from a female perspective. Seldom are the consequences for their actions important to them. Even more seldom is the fact they take “responsibility” for those actions. Usually, they simply project the blame upon others.
Galatians 6:7 Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.
May 16th, 2007 at 10:54 pm
Update: Galatians 6:7 (revised) Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a WOman soweth, that shall She -and any innocent bystander and her husband in particular – also reap. But the ’smart’ woman can find redemption and will be rewarded.
Re bombbombbombbomb. Ditto.
“A marriage is supposed to be built on trust…”
Once upon a time. Now, just who would be foolish enough to trust a woman? It is just too dangerous. Even the ‘good’ women are suffering from their own immediate self-interestedness and the deliberate deceptions and manipulations and lies of their sistas.
I suppose we should all hail this woman for writing her confession. Frankly it is her sin and she can carry her own can. But where is the Penance? Instead she parades it and makes money from book sales. Smart woman. Small mercy for some. Big bucks for the publishers. Will her husband and children share in the spoils? Not anywhere near enough to compensate for her damage. Her one devastating deceptive previous secret (yesterday’s news) will be jostled into oblivion amongst the 83 equally deceptive secrets of her ’smart’ sistas.
May 17th, 2007 at 6:35 am
I find this story fascinating.
It is like a script for a play and fortunately the story comes back to the point where it started.
I admire her honesty.
Not many blokes mange to get back to the point where it all started and wind up copping the blame.
May 17th, 2007 at 7:19 pm
I knew I was ovulating. I had the diaphragm in my hand. But instead of putting it in, I told myself, ‘Let’s just see what happens. Just this once.’ And I quietly put the diaphragm back in the medicine cabinet, knowing my husband was lying in bed waiting for me, knowing that he trusted me completely, that it wouldn’t even occur to him that I could deceive him in this way.
The only difference between this and your average entitled self-centered American bitch is that she is willing to admit what a piece of garbage she really is. Does that make her good? No, but it does make her better than most.
But there will be more and more like her. As more and more women come to finally get it through their thick self-centered skull that you can only shit on so many people so many times before merely having a vagina doesn’t cut it anymore, that she has to eek out at least a shred of decency and compassion for those who put her selfish ass where she is just because she has a vagina, then we will hear more and more self-centered confessions like this, moderated of course with yout typical “he is no damn good either” nonsense.
Like the “women-only” vacation story posted nearby, someday soon women are going to realize that other women aren’t going to put them on the pedestal they believe they are entitled to, because there isn’t going to be anybody left to do all the damn work to pay for their selfish asses, and they will have to do something besides whine and bitch and complain and play the victim card for once in their sorry ass lives.
May 17th, 2007 at 9:10 pm
This is now standard female behaviour. Lies, deception and half-truths is exactly what feminists teach on a daily basis in “wimmyn’s business or is it studies” and it then becomes standard female behaviour.
Lie, cheat and steal to and from your “wallet and atm”. Hopefully suffer some consequences as it not only unacceptable but criminal behaviour.
Tom Leykis seems to have covered the lying female nicely..
Another prime example for staying single..