One of the many problems the fatherhood movement has is its fairly widespread distaste for professionalism. Somehow it’s seen as dirty if a fathers’ or shared parenting group tries to raise money for its activism. Some groups even (gasp) charge a membership fee. God forbid fathers should contribute and help finance the people and groups who fight for them.
Somehow we’re supposed to take on the very well-funded women’s groups which oppose shared parenting and fatherhood with a rag tag, under-funded force. What many in this movement don’t seem to understand is that to win we need to do the same things the feminist groups do. We need lobbyists, we need media people, we need a presence in Washington DC and in every state capitol, and the only way you get that is by raising money. And until we have it, don’t count on us winning very often.
The following exchange between myself and an English fatherhood activist is indicative of this problem. Out of respect for this man’s work I will leave his name off and call him “Bill” so I don’t embarrass him. He wrote me after I wrote a recent blog post on Matt O’Connor and Fathers 4 Justice in which I expressed my admiration for the group, and we had the exchange below, which led him to ban my work from his group’s website.
Bill: Today I was reminded by your article in relation to the rift between F4J UK and F4J USA that you appear to be more interested in activists and less interested in those of us who work tirelessly 24/7 by way of a telephone helpline or in person to support those so distraught that they are on the verge of either breaking the law or committing suicide…Activists in the sense of F4J UK we may not be but unlike them we do have a telephone helpline and no burdensome membership fee the like of which few can afford, surely this should count for something?
Glenn: True–I am more interested in activism, even under the stilted terms you lay out above. As for promoting helplines for dads, I would be happy to if you know of any in the US.
Bill: Your reply has indicated that in reality you have no interest whatsoever in those of us who suffer a fathers’ love denied, for this reason you will be removed from our website forthwith. As for help lines in the US that is a matter you should take up with the F4J branch in your country given that they charge a membership fee, and for what you need to ask if only to line the pockets of those who use them as fall guys.
Glenn: How does focusing on activism to end family law injustices indicate that I “have no interest whatsoever in those of us who suffer a fathers love denied”? As for the membership fee you’re so upset about, I assume they charge one so they can raise money for their operations–seems logical to me.
I would add that I oppose the incessant stupid criticism directed at Matt O’Connor for charging a membership fee and trying to raise money. The “O’Connor is trying to make money off of fathers” ignores the fact that without the unfathomable amount of time and effort Matt has given the movement, he probably could have made vastly more money than he could ever get from his share of membership fees, etc.
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