The Fatherhood Movement, Professionalism and Progress
One of the many problems the fatherhood movement has is its fairly widespread distaste for professionalism. Somehow it’s seen as dirty if a fathers’ or shared parenting group tries to raise money for its activism. Some groups even (gasp) charge a membership fee. God forbid fathers should contribute and help finance the people and groups who fight for them.
Somehow we’re supposed to take on the very well-funded women’s groups which oppose shared parenting and fatherhood with a rag tag, under-funded force. What many in this movement don’t seem to understand is that to win we need to do the same things the feminist groups do. We need lobbyists, we need media people, we need a presence in Washington DC and in every state capitol, and the only way you get that is by raising money. And until we have it, don’t count on us winning very often.
The following exchange between myself and an English fatherhood activist is indicative of this problem. Out of respect for this man’s work I will leave his name off and call him “Bill” so I don’t embarrass him. He wrote me after I wrote a recent blog post on Matt O’Connor and Fathers 4 Justice in which I expressed my admiration for the group, and we had the exchange below, which led him to ban my work from his group’s website.
Bill: Today I was reminded by your article in relation to the rift between F4J UK and F4J USA that you appear to be more interested in activists and less interested in those of us who work tirelessly 24/7 by way of a telephone helpline or in person to support those so distraught that they are on the verge of either breaking the law or committing suicide…Activists in the sense of F4J UK we may not be but unlike them we do have a telephone helpline and no burdensome membership fee the like of which few can afford, surely this should count for something?
Glenn: True–I am more interested in activism, even under the stilted terms you lay out above. As for promoting helplines for dads, I would be happy to if you know of any in the US.
Bill: Your reply has indicated that in reality you have no interest whatsoever in those of us who suffer a fathers’ love denied, for this reason you will be removed from our website forthwith. As for help lines in the US that is a matter you should take up with the F4J branch in your country given that they charge a membership fee, and for what you need to ask if only to line the pockets of those who use them as fall guys.
Glenn: How does focusing on activism to end family law injustices indicate that I “have no interest whatsoever in those of us who suffer a fathers love denied”? As for the membership fee you’re so upset about, I assume they charge one so they can raise money for their operations–seems logical to me.
I would add that I oppose the incessant stupid criticism directed at Matt O’Connor for charging a membership fee and trying to raise money. The “O’Connor is trying to make money off of fathers” ignores the fact that without the unfathomable amount of time and effort Matt has given the movement, he probably could have made vastly more money than he could ever get from his share of membership fees, etc.
|
| More from Glenn Sacks
Stumble It!
May 17th, 2007 at 3:51 pm
New fertility laws say dads not needed to make babies (UK)
Under current laws, fertility clinics have to consider the baby’s need for a father before providing treatment. But today’s draft Human Tissue and Embryos Bill says this is no longer necessary.
The changes will make it easier for single people and lesbians to receive fertility treatment on the NHS.
http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/news/article-23396690-details/New+fertility+laws+say+dads+not+needed+to+make+babies/article.do
May 17th, 2007 at 3:52 pm
Hotel Reservation: Floor For Women Only (US)
No men allowed.
That will be the rule on the the entire 19th floor of a new J.W. Marriott hotel being built in Grand Rapids, Mich.
Spokeswoman Andrea Groom said more than half of all business travelers are women.
http://www.local6.com/travelgetaways/13337041/detail.html
May 17th, 2007 at 4:01 pm
With one hand feminism neutralizes a 10,000 year old patriarch.
In forty years with the other hand, they build the matriarch.
Feminists are powerful. They also have momentum.
May 17th, 2007 at 9:52 pm
Twice a year I make a small donation to a local children and Dad organization. I’ve been doing this for a few years. I wish I could afford more, but with a burdensome parenting subsidy, I can only give so much. I’m sure you understand.
I have no problem if my donation is put into the pocket of anyone. As long as I believe the group to be effective in advancing the relationships of children and Fathers, they are worth the money. If they become ineffective and lose their voice, they will lose my money.
May 17th, 2007 at 11:15 pm
Businesses that don’t want the living room moved into the board room must donate to legitimate men’s groups. Married men who have not yet been whacked (half of them will be), must donate to save their entire investment in life.
Men like Paul McCartney and Alec Baldwin need to step up to the plate and change the future.
Of course, women who are sick and tired of the horrible effects of single motherhood should be donating to us, instead of feminist causes that work against the interests of the average woman.
May 18th, 2007 at 7:53 am
ever notice how the moment anybody in the mens movement becomes successful, wls goes ballistic? Usually its Sachs he’s mad at, but now apparently Robinson, Usher, etc. are now leading us down the garden path, too.
WE HATE IT WHEN OUR FRIENDS BECOME SUCCESSFUL
We hate it when our friends become successful
We hate it when our friends become successful
Oh, look at those clothes
Now look at that face, it’s so old
And such a video !
Well, it’s really laughable
Ha, ha, ha …
We hate it when our friends become successful
And if they’re Northern, that makes it even worse
And if we can destroy them
You bet your life we will
Destroy them
If we can hurt them
Well, we may as well …
It’s really laughable
Ha, ha, ha …
You see, it should’ve been me
It could’ve been me
Everybody knows
Everybody says so
They say :
“Ah, you have loads of songs
So many songs
More songs than they’d stand
Verse
Chorus
Middle eight
Break, fade
Just listen …”
La, la-la, la-la
May 18th, 2007 at 11:58 pm
I’ve only been around for a little over a year now. I’ve been a policy wonk and a capitol insider for about 20 years. After many Google searches looking at all the national groups and other efforts out there it appears the only real results are coming out of CAFC in Sacramento. I wished they were in my state and even though they are not I’ve sent them a donation recently. What they did with the military parents issue that they just got national attention on: AP national by Pauline Arrillaga – Deployed Troops battle for custody, is a perfect example of policy worked properly and affecting national reforms.
Michael Robinson worked closely with one of our House members in Florida to help us get our military parents legislation passed. Michael and CAFC have done the same with other states that have also met with success. They have been working for a couple of years to get things going in congress and success is now hitting there also.
The House just passed an amendment Wednesday that aims to prevent soldiers deployed to war from permanently losing custody of their children because of the absence. Rep. Mike Turner, R-Ohio, offered the amendment after reading an Associated Press story: http://www.military.com:80/features/0,15240,136001,00.html
I understand Michael has a Democrat in congress close to introducing other amendments that will correct some of the other problems in family law that are affecting our military and that some of the amendments will also help everyone, even civilians.
California has a very powerful affect on getting things going and spreading nationally. The only thing limiting more success out of Sacramento is a lack of funding so they can hire more professional staff that has the years of experience and knowledge that is needed to play hard ball politics inside the hallways.
For the life of me I cannot understand why people with California family law cases going on are not making sure CAFC is properly funded. You would think that Alec Baldwin would be writing big checks to them; after all he does have a California case doesn’t he?
Plus we would love to be able to use any success that CAFC has to help us here in Florida, It does help us.
Do yourselves a favor and write the checks and speak with your wallets. It works.
May 19th, 2007 at 12:25 am
What Wallets!!!!!???????
The Courts in their inequity and in justice for matching federal funds have wiped most of us out!!
How new are you to all this?
May 19th, 2007 at 12:47 am
thurston861 said,
What Wallets!!!!!???????
The Courts in their inequity and in justice for matching federal funds have wiped most of us out!!
How new are you to all this?
If you read my comment it plainly states that I have been doing policy for 20 years. Policy is Policy and those who understand the dynamic’s of reforming bad policy or passing good policy understand that you have to amass a war chest.
While there are certainly allot of affected stakeholders with money, like Alec Baldwin, who can and needs to be write checks, and are being negatively affected by inequities in family law, anyone who has worked election campaigns or fund raisers for lobbying efforts knows that 5 dollar donations add up real fast. It’s a numbers game.
May 19th, 2007 at 12:51 am
I am not new to all this. I have been wiped out too. But I can still go without for a few weeks to pay a membership fee and give some support where I can.
It is needed. Glenn is quite right. The fractured nature of our MRM is holding us back. We need money to pay for full or even part time, focused organisation, staffed by professionals – fund raisers, administrators, researchers, lobbyists, warriors, sign-writers, Public relations and computer whizzes, and no one is going to invest in us unless we get a few runs on the board.
The members of women’s groups cried poor and got grants EVEN THOUGH THEY WERE SUPPORTED BY A MEN. Even when their ‘oppression’ was fanciful. We ARE poor, having been wiped out ( I personally lost everything – and I mean Everything). Female oppression has forced most men to crisis point.
But despite this crisis, men must find a way of pooling some of what small resources we have fund an international organisation.
The F4J experience was magnificent. It was a start from scratch group that had a firm eye on the money ball. The criticism of that was so very typical. It is whinging troops. God help us, if wls1 and some others don’t stop slagging David Usher and Glenn Sacks and others who actually get out there and DO something, I just might crawl down these wires and whack some heads together.
And it isn’t just an American issue. The international nature of the MRM seems to get lost in all the American experience discussed.
Welcome aboard, Policy Wonk. We need some advice here! And have a good look at MediaRadar.
May 19th, 2007 at 1:30 am
C’mon Thurston. In-kind would help too. Can’t you raffle da Bitch?
May 19th, 2007 at 1:43 am
amfortas said,
Welcome aboard, Policy Wonk. We need some advice here! And have a good look at MediaRadar.
Thank you. I have seen MediaRadar. Like I said in my earlier comment I’ve done allot of Google searches. You have done some excellent work and produced allot of very good material that is useful.
With no disrespect, and I do appreciate the work you have done, but my money is on Michael and CAFC. Their track record over a very short period of time in the last several years is damn impressive. He is very well connected, members like working with him because he knows how to get the job done without causing harm to a member who is also carry other bills on other issues. They have serious momentum going and great working relationships with allot of professionals that are very helpful.
As for advice – people in CA and elsewhere would be well served by getting as much money as they can to Sacramento and CAFC so they can hire more staff. I thought I worked insane hours.
Speaking of insane hours, its late and I’ve been up working on last minute veto letters that have to be in by Tuesday. I’m finally done so its time to hit the sack. And the public thinks we work 9 to 5, Haha.
Again, thank you and good luck in fundraising efforts.
May 19th, 2007 at 9:03 am
Its big debate going on . One of the reasons is that if you are to compare with the womens organisations they take money from the coroporates and money collected from agencies like United Nations they never collected money from the victims.
Most of activists want to have it in the same way .
however it not necessary that te model has to be replicated in the mens movement
It is upto victims here to lobby . Currently the support from the society fro equality of men is minimal . so it is left to the victims themselves to invest for the better of the society the Rich people like Alec Balwin , Paul Mccartney will come to aid if they can see it to be powerfull. Untill that is left to the victims to speak and pool their money and build the momentum .
Fathers 4 justice is a sample of what can be achieved . They achieved a lot visibility , a small change in mindset .
Victims have to invest money , heart and reputation. Merely hidng and hopign that somehow you will be an exception to get justice will lead nowhere
May 19th, 2007 at 9:35 am
MoreMoore said, “ever notice how the moment anybody in the mens movement becomes successful, wls goes ballistic?”
MoreMoore, haven’t you figured out yet that wls1 is really a comedian? Or, at least, clinically insane?