Top 9 Statements That Could Have Caused Paris Hilton To Cry

Thursday, June 14, 2007
By Buckley F. Williams

9. “I’m sorry Ms. Hilton but this strain is penicillin-resistant.”pariscrying.jpg

8. “Great news Paris! The judge has decided to lower your sentence if you can just pass this simple spelling test.”

7. “I accidentally broke your autographed Pablo Escobar straw.”

6. “I’ve got some good news and some bad news. The good news is that the Reverend Al Sharpton is here as an advocate in your case. The bad news is you’re white.”

5. “You know how Tinkerbell always tries to take the cheese out of those traps? Well, he was a bit sluggish today and…”

4. “Hmmm. It seems that Newsweek’s CW has done an about-face regarding spoiled, talentless whores.”

3. “The doctor has ordered two months of pelvic rest.”

2. “The judge has issued a media blackout.”

1. “This is strange. It says they do have tossed salad here at the jail, but apparently you’ll have to remove Lakisha ‘Big Momma Moose Knuckle’ Washington’s thong to get it.”

Buckley F. Williams is the Senior Editor of The Nose On Your Face which offers “news so fake, you’ll swear it came from the mainstream media.”

Buckley F. Williams is the Senior Editor of "The Nose On Your Face" (www.TheNoseOnYourFace.com) which offers conservative, political satire. And fake news. And sometimes fake satire. At other times they provide satirical news. And fake political satire. Not to mention actual, real satire that is political in nature. And conservative. However, at no time do they offer Nutella. | More from Buckley F. Williams

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How to survive the coming food shortage.

2 Responses to “Top 9 Statements That Could Have Caused Paris Hilton To Cry”

  1. 1
    S Baker Says:

    Give it a rest. Paris gets jailed for traffic violations while 12 million illegal aliens, half of which will steal anything not guarded, walk free, work, and receive taxpayer funded benefits, in violation of the law.

  2. 2
    Doug Powers Says:

    “I accidentally broke your autographed Pablo Escobar straw.”

    Heh heh… I don’t usually laugh out loud while reading, but this one did it.

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