“My parents have been divorced for nearly a decade, and both have remarried. The problem is, even after all this time, my mother is still mad at my father…Mom makes me feel like I can’t love them both at the same time.”
My mother often points out good blog/newspaper column fodder to me (such as this recent anti-father OPUS cartoon), and yesterday she sent me this Parental Alienation segment from Annie’s Mailbox. In it, a young woman with the handle “Enough Already” writes:
“Dear Annie: My parents have been divorced for nearly a decade, and both have remarried. The problem is, even after all this time, my mother is still mad at my father and can’t stand to be around him.
“My brother is getting married soon, and my mother (who still believes she has the moral high ground) is hoping my grandmother will seize the opportunity to give my dad a piece of her mind. She told me she was glad someone ‘loved her enough to take her side.’ I tried to explain that we all need to move on. Yes, my father did some bad things when they were married, but I love both my parents. Unfortunately, Mom makes me feel like I can’t love them both at the same time.
“I don’t know what to do about Mom anymore, and I don’t think it’s right for my brother to have to deal with her antics on his big day. Any suggestions?  Enough Already”
Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar–Annie’s Mailbox’s co-authors–respond:
“Dear Enough: It’s a shame your mother is still so bitter that she will not let go of her anger. It hurts her more than anyone else. You do not have to succumb to this kind of emotional blackmail. Your mother’s attempts to guilt you into repudiating your father should be ignored. When she says unpleasant things, smile with kindness and pity, and reply, ‘I’m sorry you feel that way.’ Then walk away. When she truly believes you will no longer respond to her rancor, she may stop subjecting you to it.”
That seems like a fair response, though I probably would have recommended something stronger. A few more points:
1) This is yet another example of how ludicrous the feminist position on Parental Alienation is. The National Organization for Women and other misguided women’s advocates consider Parental Alienation a myth used by abusive fathers to blame their ex-wives when their children are hostile to them. Recently, Kim Gandy, President of NOW, condemned PA as “junk science, junk justice.†I suppose “Enough Already” must be a plant from a fathers’ rights group. To learn more, see my co-authored column In this Turf War, Kids Are the Prize (Tallahassee Democrat, 6/13/07).
2) I’m suspicious of “Enough Already’s” comment that “Yes, my father did some bad things when they were married, but I love both my parents.” Maybe the father really did do some bad things, but it’s also very possible that the young woman only heard the mother’s description of events. Angry, vindictive women have a wonderful talent for spinning everything single thing a man does so it’s bad or wrong, and our “woman good/man bad” culture often acts as an enabler.
Also, given how endlessly angry and hateful this woman is now, many years later, it makes me wonder what kind of emotional abuse this man had to endure while they were together–abuse which may well explain and even fully justify his alleged bad behaviour. She doesn’t let her anger stop her from hurting her daughter and her son–what would make us think she thought twice about hurting the father while they were married?
On a positive note, societal awareness of Parental Alienation Syndrome is steadily increasing. The Parental Alienation Awareness Organization has made great strides in gaining recognition of April 25 as “Parental Alienation Awareness Day.”
Last year they got the Governors of three states to officially recognize April 25 as PAAD, and they have added five more in recent months.
As I’ve noted on many occasions (click here and here), Parental Alienation is a vile scourge, and I fully endorse these activists’ efforts.
The eight states are: Indiana; Connecticut; Montana; Kentucky; Nebraska; Iowa; Maine; and Nevada.
To learn more, go to www.Parental-Alienation-Awareness.com.
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