The New York Times this weekend is asking the burning question: Is America ready for a president with a trophy wife?
It would appear that Fred Thompson is close to smashing through a barrier — an “ass ceiling” if you will — that has yet to be broken in the over two century history of the United States presidency.
What constitutes a “trophy wife”? This is a good looking woman who is usually much younger than her millionaire husband who never would have married the guy if it weren’t for his money, power or status — a “trophy” that the man displays as evidence of his elephantine virility while pretending it has nothing to do with his money, power or status.
Candidate Fred Thompson, who, once he makes his presidential ambitions official at some point, will be introducing America to his wife of five years, Jeri Kehn Thompson. Fred is 64, and Jeri is 40.
The Times’ question “is America ready for a president with a trophy wife” assumes that America has never had a president with a trophy wife, so in the name of due diligence, let’s look at presidents and their wives from the middle of the 20th century on.
Franklin Delano Roosevelt was married to Eleanor. Trophy wife? Negative — Though Eleanor might have had one, but that doesn’t count for our purposes here.
Harry Truman was married to Bess. Trophy wife? Nuh-uh.
Ike Eisenhower was married to Mamie. Trophy wife? Don’t think so. Nobody would spend that much time on the golf course if they had a hot young wife waiting for them at home.
John F. Kennedy was married to Jackie. Trophy wife? No. A true trophy wouldn’t be forced to sit on the mantle waiting for JFK and RFK to come home from the beach sporting tan lines in the shape of Marilyn Monroe.
Lyndon Johnson was married to Lady Bird. Trophy wife? Don’t think so. It’s impossible to pick up a trophy wife if you’re doing it by the ears.
Richard Nixon was married to Pat. Trophy wife? Not qualified. It takes a woman of similar age that you’ve known most of your life to put up with you wearing a suit to bed.
Gerald Ford was married to Betty. Trophy wife? Nope. The only trophies to come out of the relationship have the words “Congratulations on reaching the 12th step” inscribed on them.
Jimmy Carter was married to Rosalynn. Trophy wife? Billy might have thought so, but otherwise, no.
Ronald Reagan was married to Nancy. Trophy wife? Negative. Just because one is trophy sized doesn’t make them a trophy wife.
George H.W. Bush is married to Barbara. Trophy wife? Absolutely not, though I consider a wife who looks as if she can hold her own in a bar fight to be at least a plaque of some sort, this doesn’t qualify her as a trophy.
Bill Clinton is married, sort of, to Hillary. Trophy wife? No Way. Any wife who looks the other way while you’re blown around more than a Hurricane Hunter might seem like a trophy at the time, but turning a blind eye for political ambition does not a trophy wife make.
George W. Bush is married to Laura. Trophy wife? Not nearly young enough.
After looking into the history of American presidents and their wives, I have to conclude that Fred Thompson would indeed be the first president with a trophy wife.
Is America ready for somebody to break the ass ceiling? The time has come. Keep hope alive!
Note: My entire blog is at DougPowers.com
