Reason to Cheer!

With a single blow the arm which had not twitched in decades rose and shattered the lid of the coffin. Flinging aside the layers of earth, the man lifted himself up to the surface and over. He gasped and shuddered, electrified by the pungent sweet perfume that is the air of the living.

Then the living-dead man walked swiftly, if somewhat awkwardly, chunks of dirt falling off his military uniform. Everyone on sidewalk and street recognized him instantly, even the many who were born too late to “really” remember him. All smiled and waved. No one feared him for they knew that no harm would come from any molecule he possessed.

Guards saluted him smartly as he bounded up the Capitol steps. Once inside the Oval Office, the President held his hand out to the President. “Life sure is full of surprises,” Bill Clinton observed as he rose from behind his desk to shake hands.

“Death too, Billy-boy,” the cherub-faced visitor replied with a wink.

“Death and taxes.” Clinton shrugged as he sat back down.

“Speaking of taxes, now that the Reds have gone the way of the Edsel, isn’t it time we dismantled that military-industrial complex I warned folks about?”

“We-l-l-l, you know I can’t do that. I have to seem strong so people so people won’t harp on–” Bill Clinton’s pink face got pinker–”the two D-words.”

“You can’t but I can.” The other pointed to the stripes on his shoulder. “No one’s ever called me a draft dodger.”

“I guess you’re even safer than Bob Dole in that respect, Mr. President,” Clinton agreed.

“About time the people welcomed me back, don’t you think?”

“Now, wait a minute. I’m–”

“No, not one more minute. They’ve been waiting much too long.” The former President strode to the TV set, stuck his foot through the screen, shrank, and entered.

Pom-poms and rice filled the air as boyfriends and girlfriends discovered themselves now husband and wives, factories sprouted to employ the breadwinners of instant nuclear families, trailers twinkled into tract homes and America rock’n'rolled from sea to shining sea because IKE EISENHOWER HAS RISEN FROM THE GRAVE!