Questions for social conservatives about teen girls and chastity
Studies show that the main reason teen-aged girls are sexually active is not for sexual pleasure or even romantic “love.” Their primary motive is a desire for a social life. Like many adult women, both married and single, adolescent girls often endure partnered sex acts rather than enjoy them.
Quite frequently, young ladies who are sexually active are either trying to hold on to a boyfriend or to ensure that they spend their weekends with a male. In the words of one non-sexually active young lady who wrote to an advice columnist and signed herself “Nice Girl,” guys don’t often bother dating “a girl who won’t shell out,” so while the sexually active girls date, Nice Girl lamented “I am going to movies with my girlfriends.” The latter, presumably, are other virgins ignored by guys looking for sex.
If the average young girl views homosociality as a crown of thorns, solitude is seen, by teenagers of either gender, as a fate worse than death. The word “loner” is almost synonymous with “mental case.”
Some might say that sex is not the only reason boys seek the company of girls. An attractive girl with a good personality will have a hetero-social life even if she is chaste.
This may or may not be true. But this message is booby-trapped. To the ears of the less-popular, a bad personality can translate “bad person” (rather than referring to social skills and mannerisms). What’s more, it stigmatizes the girl who doesn’t have a hetero-social life — thus making her all the more desperate for male company.
So, social conservatives, what can we do to make teen-aged girls feel privileged to be with each other? How do we help them take pride in same-sex outings?
Are there ways to encourage boys to seek the company of chaste girls?
I’m writing this in the assumption that most people think solitude unhealthy for our socially oriented species but if anyone thinks such a lifestyle is a good one and that it can and should be brought into fashion, I’d welcome his or her suggestions.
| More from Denise Noe
Stumble It!
July 26th, 2009 at 8:17 pm
A girl’s virginity is a gift more valuable than any precious stone. It is meant only for her husband. It can never be returned once given away. It is always best to wait until marriage. It saves a lot of heartache and from STD’s, abortions, and unplanned pregnancies. A guy is nothing but a loser if he sleeps with someone he is not married to. All he cares about is his satisfaction and does not care a hoot about her. If he claims to love her, then he would wait like a gentleman. I am 32 and still waiting. I know it will be an awesome experience once I get married.
July 18th, 2007 at 9:20 pm
“I had at one time advocated that the “Christian religion” or “Protestants” create a totally different marriage separate from that of Pagans or unbelievers.
In the Christian model one would have to be married in a church, and more importantly it would be immune from pagan laws, such as divorce. Of course legislation would have to be passed to make this possible. The only grounds for divorce would be adultery.
One could not get a divorce in a family court. Having Christians marry under the current system is not a separation of Church and State.
I forgot about that, this was my solution. But I don’t talk about it much anymore.”
The problem with this approach is that it is too complex. A better solution is the privatization of marriage – recognize the private agreements of the two parties to the marriage; exclude everything else. Make marriage a voluntary agreement of two consenting adults – the ONLY time government would be involved would be if the so-called adults failed to provide for the children of their union (even then, preference would be given to private charity over government interference). The rules, and method for enforcing them, would be provided for as in any other agreement between responsible adults. If the couple chooses a marriage based on the principles of their chosen religion, then you have the basis for your Christian marriage.
I truly believe anything less will further expand the rift between men and women. The government treats one sex as perpetrators and the other sex as helpless victims – a false dynamic based in the most bitter stereotypes. This model is enforced both by radical feminists and the strongly religous within our state legislators – the solution will be found in ignoring both their hateful views of people. The beauty of this approach is that people themselves can implement this without the permission of the legal system or the parasites that run it. Just ignore government; chose an enforcement mechanizm complete outside government – possibly a church council of elders- anything the couple mutually agrees to. I truly believe survivial of our society depends upon this approach.
July 18th, 2007 at 12:35 pm
Burton you make good points, but one has to use “discernment.”
Even if a girl claims to be a Christian and attends church, so what? Lot’s of girls have game and some in the Church are some of the worst ones. You have to use “discernment” my friend as not all girls have “game.”
July 18th, 2007 at 11:28 am
This is nonsense. I come from a heavily Christian background. I knew (and still know) numerous young men who were NOT interested in premarital sex, who would tell young women up front that they would respect them when dating.
And how did these women — the same young women who were complaining that “all men want is sex” — respond?
By rejecting these men.
Or on the rare occasions when these men would be “allowed” to date them, these women would then expect the men to pay for all the expenses, and then dump them for another man who was interested in sex.
A lot of these men figured out these women’s racket early on. Women pretend to not want sex in order to maintain a sense of moral superiority, or to exploit sex as a means to get what they want out of a guy. Too many decent men fall for this game. Underneath it, of course, women want to have sex just as much as men. But they also know how to exploit sex to get what they want.
If this were NOT the case, then these women would be taking the initiative to ask out decent guys. We rarely see that happening.
My two cents worth.
July 18th, 2007 at 7:27 am
The Polish army were woefully incapable. They fought the German Panzer tanks as cavalrymen, riding into battle on horseback…
So imagine.
July 18th, 2007 at 7:21 am
I had at one time advocated that the “Christian religion” or “Protestants” create a totally different marriage separate from that of Pagans or unbelievers.
In the Christian model one would have to be married in a church, and more importantly it would be immune from pagan laws, such as divorce. Of course legislation would have to be passed to make this possible. The only grounds for divorce would be adultery.
One could not get a divorce in a family court. Having Christians marry under the current system is not a separation of Church and State.
I forgot about that, this was my solution. But I don’t talk about it much anymore.
In the Christian religion I feel like a a general in the 1936 Polish military inspecting the Polish air force and complaining on deaf ears that the current Polish air force won’t last one week against the Nazi Germany Luftwaffe. Imagine, my frustration.