Dear Islamic Rage Boy,
My first daughter has come of age for genital mutilation and as you can imagine, I am quite nervous. She is the apple of my eye and I want to make sure that everything goes smoothly. Any suggestions?
Perennially Pacing in Pashtun Province
Dear Perennially Pacing,
Ah yes, I too remember well the labial maiming of my firstborn female. It is a very special occasion indeed. Here are a few tips to help with your big day:
- Do not use anything sharp for the ceremony such as a well-honed scalpel or a new razor blade. This will produce too clean of a cut and render the entire mutilation moot. I recommend a broken conch shell or a rusty fan blade. In a pinch you can simply gnaw off the offending organ, but this is not as desirable an option in my opinion.
- As the proud father just remember that everyone will want a piece of you on this day. Make sure to slow down and enjoy the moment. It will fly by quicker than you realize.
- Except for the obvious need during the ceremony, make sure her skin is completely covered. A genital mutilation can quickly turn into death by stoning; lets focus on one rite of passage at a time!
- Be sure to have enough food. I still recall with horror a mutilation I attended in the mid-90s. Everything went off beautifully during the ceremony, but at the after-party all they had was a six-pack of chick pea cola and a single tray of Jews-in-a-blanket. To call this poor form would be an understatement of the first order.
I hope I have been of assistance. Enjoy your day!
Although he is not a licensed therapist, Islamic Rage Boy is a clinical jihadist with expertise in a wide array of areas including: floral arrangements, etiquette, English grammar usage, homeopathy, and animal grooming.
(More from Islamic Rage Boy here.)
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scottkirk said,
At least there discussing the mutilation of the girls…I don’t think most American men are even given a chance to debate the genital mutilation of our boys!!
July 18, 2007 at 3:16 pm
scottkirk said,
His default mode is to futily cry out well what about the way women are treated in saudi arabia…
I say..The life spans between men and women in saudi Arabia is more equal than here in the U.S where the males are yolked to an early death…
Not only are the males yolked to an early death..they are conditioned with propaganda that teaches them to keep their heads down in shame while their doing it.
July 18, 2007 at 3:26 pm
scottkirk said,
July 18, 2007 at 3:28 pm
Doug Powers said,
Great angle dude.
July 18, 2007 at 5:36 pm
Mike LaSalle said,
July 18, 2007 at 6:20 pm
Squiggy said,
July 19, 2007 at 4:54 am
jackal1994 said,
I think this style of humor is in the same vein as when South Park was making fun of over-the-top homo’s.
When Mr. Garrison shoved Lemiwinks (the school gerbil) up Mr. Slaves ass, they turned it into a hobbit-style (complete with folk-music) tale as the ghosts of all the small animals that had died in his bowels sent lemiwinks on a journey through Mr.Slave’s intestinal tract.
The best way to discredit somebody is to make them look like a nincompoop. With the south park humor too it underscores just how nasty these over-the-top homos are.
People might say this lampoon takes a serious topic and treats it too lightly, but this will probably open more dialog then any serious-minded poster or telethon would.
July 19, 2007 at 8:19 am
amfortas said,
July 19, 2007 at 7:25 pm