‘Affluent, professional women may experience less physical abuse and more emotional or verbal abuse’

This Naples News article describes a domestic violence program designed for well-heeled women:

“They live behind gates in glorious homes with swimming pools and manicured lawns. Many drive fancy cars, wear expensive clothing and eat at upscale restaurants. Some have successful careers or have husbands with high standing in the community. They are among the elite — women who by all appearances seem to live blessed lives. But appearances can be deceiving, said Claire Oglander, a counselor with the Naples Shelter for Abused Women and Children.”

I’ve no doubt that there are wealthy women who are abused by their husbands, just as there are wealthy men who are abused by their wives. However, I’m very suspicious about statements like “Affluent, professional women may experience less physical abuse and more emotional or verbal abuse.” Sometimes these claims are legitimate, but when it comes to divorce and custody battles (as well as restraining orders, which are often used as tactical maneuvers in these cases), “emotional or verbal abuse” can be almost anything. As the California State Bar’s Family Law Section recently pointed out, these types of accusations are often employed against innocent fathers.

Also, it is ludicrous to pretend that only men may engage in emotional or verbal abuse. When a wife argues with her husband and then takes the baby to her mother’s house, and won’t let the father see or talk to his baby until he apologizes, that’s emotional abuse. And women can certainly yell as loudly and as angrily as any man.

While on the subject of domestic violence in wealthy families, I would call the reader’s attention to the highly-publicized Xavier Caro case. It was a textbook domestic violence case, but no published journalist (with the exception of myself) used the words “domestic violence” in reporting on the case. In my column Domestic Violence Series Substitutes Emotion for Facts (San Francisco Chronicle, 4/8/05) I explained:

“Socorro Caro (pictured) abused her husband Xavier, a prominent Northridge, California rheumatologist, for years, once assaulting him so badly he had to have surgery to regain his sight in one eye. Later Socorro shot and killed three of their four children, the murder spree ending only because she ran out of bullets. The judge in the case said that the children had been used by Socorro against her husband as ‘sacrificial symbolic pawns of a failed marital relationship.’ Socorro Caro is now on death row in California.”

The article on domestic violence and wealthy women is below.

Collier abuse shelter offers unique program for ‘women of means’
By Ryan Mills Naples News, 7/22/07

They live behind gates in glorious homes with swimming pools and manicured lawns.

Many drive fancy cars, wear expensive clothing and eat at upscale restaurants. Some have successful careers or have husbands with high standing in the community.

They are among the elite — women who by all appearances seem to live blessed lives.

But appearances can be deceiving, said Claire Oglander, a counselor with the Naples Shelter for Abused Women and Children.

Nationally, one in four women will be abused at some time in their lives, according to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. In 2006 there were 1,822 reported cases of domestic violence in the county, the Collier County Sheriff’s Office reported.

Though domestic abuse is not typically associated with professional families who live upscale lifestyles, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist in those families, officials said.

“You can’t say it’s limited to one cultural or economic based group,” said Detective Joe Whitehead of the Naples police department. “It’s something that is cross cultural, cross economic standing.”

In an attempt to better serve victims of domestic abuse who live in Collier County, the shelter recently started a Women of Means program to support upscale, educated or professional women who suffer from physical, emotional, sexual or financial abuse.

The program offers trained advocates, themselves women of means, who provide peer support to victims and make the initial contact with them at a safe, mutually agreed upon place, shelter officials said.

To read the rest of the article, click here.

The American Coalition for Fathers and Children The American Coalition for Fathers and Children is dedicated to creating a family law system which promotes equal rights for all parties affected by divorce. Contact the ACFC at 1-800-978-3237 or visit them on the web at www.acfc.org.