‘He takes his bitch on trips, and is never there for the kids’
Background: In my recent blog post Women Tell It: ‘Hell Hath No Fury…’, I discussed a new book about second wives. The book discusses vindictive, “hell hath no fury” ex-wives who destroy fathers’ relationships with their children and extort money from them–from the perspective of these men’s current wives.
I’ve asserted that often it’s the woman who dumps the man and then is bitter that he finds someone else, and the book provides some examples.
The letter below is from a female reader who didn’t like what I wrote.
“I think as a ex-wife I can say that men want the cake and bring a jug of milk, too! I have 4 children, and my ex is still with the woman he left us for. I can say that this slut woman comes before his children. Am I upset? Damn right. I could care less who he puts in his bed, but do I care if my children have what they should have or need. He takes his bitch on trips, and is never there for the kids. Oh, and this woman came to my baby shower for my last son, to let me know my ex was with her. As to child support, it isn’t enough to cover basic needs.
“The facts show that a child’s living standard goes down by 48% [after divorce]. That is a lot, but the men don’t have to look the kids in the eye and see the hurt when you tell them they can’t have something or play a sport because you can’t afford it. Just so long as daddy is happy!
“Maybe if men had to have the children, they wouldn’t walk away so easy. Men can’t ever do the right thing. They smell fresh you know what, and they’re off and running. That is why so many kids grow up without fathers. As to being a bad ex….I stay as far away from him as I can. What goes around, comes around. I don’t want my children or myself near him when it all comes down. And men know it will, because karma is the real bitch here, and she kicks hard. So man up and do right by your kids, even when you didn’t by your ex.”
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Stumble It!
August 11th, 2007 at 10:35 am
so, if this woman is in NY will she now be cited for using the word “BITCH”?
and if the word “BITCH” is as demeaning to women as “they” say, can we get this particular woman to define what “BITCH” means to her?
August 11th, 2007 at 10:49 am
What a bunch of baloney! Get out the shovel! Geez, where do I start?
>I have 4 children, and my ex is still with the woman he left us for.
We aren’t given details of how long he was with this woman and how long he has been with his new woman, but I get the impression that he’s been with this new woman for a long time. So the guy obviously is getting what he no doubt couldn’t get with the first. If a woman takes the time to get to know her husband and his needs and desires and makes the effort to fulfill those needs and desires, why would any man prefer to start all over training another woman from scratch? Unless he’s a masochist. If I had to guess, this shrill, whiny woman always put her children first and her husband last and thought that because that’s the way she was taught to act by the feminists throughout the media, she was totally in the right and who really cares about him? After all, he’s only a man. As long as the financial gravy train keeps coming in at their prearranged intervals, who cares about his needs? Now she’s all out of joint because he wouldn’t accept the trashy treatment he got from her while they were married and she’s no longer able to leech off his income the way she did before the divorce.
Women need men like fish need bicycles. Women can do anything a man can do, only better. So she should get off her butt and do what needs to be done to properly care for her kids. And that includes the father being in her children’s life, no matter how angry she is with him. And quit whining.
>I could care less who he puts in his bed, but…
Pants on fire!
>As to child support, it isn’t enough to cover basic needs.
It’s not supposed to cover your basic needs. Chils support is supposed to cover 50% of just the children’s basic needs. You are supposed to cover the other 50% plus anything else you need or desire. How can you expect a man to support two households if you can’t support even one, even with his child support included?
>”The facts show that a child’s living standard goes down by 48% [after divorce]. That is a lot, but the men don’t have to look the kids in the eye and see the hurt when you tell them they can’t have something or play a sport because you can’t afford it.
Well surprise! Surprise! When a family has to maintain two households instead of one on the same level of income, their standard of living goes down 48%. So what would you expect? Maybe you should have thought of that while you were still married to your ex.
>”Maybe if men had to have the children, they wouldn’t walk away so easy.
That’s easy enough to fix. Give men full custody of the children from now on. Is she implying that women are forced to accept custody of the children in divorce? If she can’t handle it, give custody of two of the children to her ex and stop child support altogether. And by the way, men don’t walk away from their marriages so easily. Two-thirds of all divorces are instituted by women.
>As to being a bad ex….I stay as far away from him as I can… I don’t want my children or myself near him when it all comes down.
Now the truth comes out. Based on the way this woman sounds, I’ll bet her ex stays as far away from her as he can, too. She spends her whole argument castigating her ex for not coming around for the children, then admits she is responsible for him being totally or largely alienated from them. Can anyone here imagine how she probably talks about her ex to her children while at home?
While both parents are partially responsible for the breakup of most marriages, In this case, I have no doubt that this woman commands the lion’s share of the blame.
August 11th, 2007 at 10:55 am
“The facts show that a child’s living standard goes down by 48% [after divorce]….”
She’s misquoting Lenore Weitzman’s infamously misguided study, story seen at: http://www.acbr.com/biglie.htm See how long these lies are perpetrated?
“Maybe if men had to have the children…”
We may not physically bear the children, but then, we don’t have choice. Think of the numbers of abortions as an equivalent number of men who walk away from families. I’m sure the numbers are not even close, the majority represented by women who cop-out and don’t step up to the plate through abortion. Just because abortion is legal doesn’t mean it is moral, nor does it exclude women from the “must step up” list.
“That is why so many kids grow up without fathers…”
The major reason so many kids grow up without fathers is that single motherhood is not only fashionable, it is a cult experience, as well as the fact that kids that grow up without fathers, continue the cycle. I would be cyber-pummeled if I neglected to mention the fact that the Fed gov’t entices the states with cash to get a mother to break the family up.
I had more, but it was mailnly insulting the aformentioned Ex. Don’t need to go there.
August 11th, 2007 at 12:09 pm
>the men don’t have to look the kids in the eye and see the hurt when you tell them they can’t have something or play a sport because you can’t afford it.
After thinking about this comment a while, I just had to add:
Sounds to me like this woman is probably one of those women who think that parenting means providing the children with everything they desire without ever saying no, so they can be their children’s best friend. And what guy wants to come home every day to a family of spoiled brats, including the wife. And when he tried to put his foot down and say no once in a while, this woman, no doubt, took the children’s side against him as the children’s best friend and advocate. After all, as the media always says, the children always come first, right? Isn’t saying no to the children every so often and seeing disappointment in their children’s face a part of parenting? Isn’t it our job to teach our children the value of a dollar and that money doesn’t grow on trees?
I bet the above has a lot to do with the ex-husband not being more in his children’s life now. Disagree?
August 11th, 2007 at 4:30 pm
>Oh, and this woman came to my baby shower for my last son, to let me know my ex was with her.
Apparently the scorned woman has moved on to (or under) someone else as well. Many women have many kids with many “baby’s daddies”. I don’t know about this particular woman, but if being a single mom is so tough, maybe she (and a lot of other women) should stop giving out the milk.
I’m sure there’s more to the story than this woman lets on.
August 11th, 2007 at 8:46 pm
To MattyMattyChooChoo:
Ha! Ha! Isn’t baby shower attendance by invitation? I’m glad you noticed that inconsistency in her story because I missed it. She complains about her ex not providing child support that covers their children’s basics and having to tell the children they can’t have the things they want and need and then she turns around and has more children.
I’m starting to wonder if it’s all true. I wonder if this complaint isn’t totally made up by some feminist just like all the phony statistics they are always quoting out of thin air.
August 12th, 2007 at 6:02 am
Wow, poor woman. Hey, maybe if she wasn’t such a miserable probably overweight nasty friggin bitch Daddy might not be somewhere else? And women dump men the vast majority of time?
Someone needs to tell ole sour grapes she’s the product of 50 years of ardent left wing Amerikan feminism, you’re free baby. Enjoy the ride. Tell your “sisters” you are sitting there smoking a Virginia Slims after comin home from the Vagina Monologues where you all hooted it up about how bad all men are.
Maybe more stories like this would enlighten the female audience at the VM show that seducing 13 yo girls by lesbians is fun but having a loving husband/father is a tad more fun.
Saw a lot of these types of mostly overweight miserable women in the 80+ trips in the hallways and “family court” rooms while I was fighting for custody of my daughter. Always angry, always vindictive, always mean always the victim. Heard one such large slob yelling “He shoulda worked three jobs for us”, as apparently two weren’t enough. Just feeding her was probably a major expense she she wasn’t working.
Seems men should be stripped of everything so these types can go out to lunch with their “girlfriends”. Yah. Right.
Well, would love to stay and chat more but I need to get ready for the 83rd trip to court, having her arrested again for non payment of medical expenses (again) and she’s a little behind in her child support payments too, my my.
Oh, one more REAL factoid sweety, it’s Sanford Bravor’s logitudinal study that shows that MEN fare poorly after divorce. TonyS is correct in his comments above that Weitzman made that littler lie up a few years ago and they finally got the truth out of hre that she had NO data to support the rant. Read Bravor’s study, long since re-done with the same finding; Men fare poorly after divorce when adjusted for taxes, loss of homes, etc.
Again, or just sit there sulking and oozing in the dark with hate toward men. Sounds like this guy didn’t leave her, he escaped.
August 12th, 2007 at 6:05 am
Tonysprout, one more comment: Thanx for reminding us all about the Weitzman lie. I do recall she tried blaming it all on a calculation error made by one of her grad students. A male grad student.
August 12th, 2007 at 6:31 am
http://www.fathermag.com/news/3786-DDads.shtml
More on Braver at the above link, every man should read this guys book.
August 12th, 2007 at 7:38 am
This person sounds truely wretched. To all the so called “femnists” out there, remember your grandmother’s admonition “be careful what you wish for”. The femnist revolution has wrought, abortion on demand without even a hint of consultation with the putative father, job preferences in many areas, sexual harassment claims on demand with sexual harrassment always defined by the woman, gross inequities in all divorce courts with the bias always against men, including even those times when DNA evidence shows a different father than the one ordered to pay etc. ad nausem.
Since abortion on demand is the absolute right of the woman I wonder how many of the femnists would give men the absolute right to determine if he is willing to pay to support the child? I can hear it now; most men don’t pay anyway. It is odd that when femnists are asked a question that they cannot answer they revert to the tried and true “most men” explanation much like Weitzman’s writings.
Then they wonder why our young men are in such trouble. Two to three generations of young men have grown up in large part without a father and I see the carnage it has brought one day every week when I teach GED in a prison. These young men are in largely for drug related offenses and the huge majority are from fatherless homes.
Yes to my femnist sisters, fathers are the best anti-drug and anti-crime antidote ever devised by God. Perhaps there will be an enlightened woman step forward to support fathers in their quest to simply be fathers. Unfortunately, I see none on the horizon today.
Did I use the word “God”? Please forgive me it was a slip-up.
August 12th, 2007 at 10:08 am
Boo Hoo it’s all his fault even if I broke up the marriage or become insufferable to live with, it’s all his fault. Sound familiar, this is what women have been taught to think and believe for over forty years. Noone has told them that if they break up the marriage, it is they that have broken a valid contract and they further don’t understand when the state who benifits from this disaster, rewards them for doing wrong, that it was indeed wrong. By the moral code of most people, me included, l,if you do wrong, no matter how pretty and politically correct it was, you should suffer. There should be no excuse and no leniency
If we go back to a system of law, not the utterly corrupt “legal system” them we would not have as many of these problems. Once everyone is held to the same standard and we stop rewarding people, no it is not just women, for doing wrong, then the problem will get better. Oh don’t get me wrong, some people will kick and scream and cry, they won’t like a new and fair system,since that will cut them off and make them pay their own way. They will have to get a ” real job”.
As for ebjj statement, not all women are socially,legally and morally irresponsible.
More and more of them are waking up and realizing that they have been fed a lot of baloney. The best and first line of defence for children is an intact family.
And oddly enough, it will be these ” freshly awoken women” who may put the fire into the family law reform movement. So, guys learn from these ” good women”.