Comments on: Is It Unwise for a Man to Marry in Today’s Climate of Misandry?

By: Athein

Athein — Tue, 14 Aug 2007 16:45:41 +0000

Ray,
The reason for two thirds of wives opting for divorce is again judges not women.
When I decided to divorce my wife I went to my attorney and asked that the court declare my marriage as null and void because my wife promised me the world just to come here from her dilapidated Soviet Union and schemed to take over everything I had from the moment she arrived here.
My lawyer told me that I’d be paying him $5,000 in vain to do this. No judge will ever entertain such a request she said when you have two children in the care of this man-harvester. She said you must wait till she divorces you.
When she did, it was for ‘Child Molestation and Domestic Violence’. Not a word was heard in court about how she and her family deceived me and exploited this marriage for personal gain.

By: Denis

Denis — Tue, 14 Aug 2007 01:05:27 +0000

“Problem is the courts and the empowerment of the modern female Amerikan woman.”

Ed-we are in agreement. One creates the other. When laws are one-sided to the benefit of women it is no surprise that certain behaviors will eventually arise. This has been going on for such a long time that the attitude and behavior of the typical Amerikan female has become intolerable and tyrannical. A great many women will do whatever they can get away with. And Ray’s post proves that female behavior has clearly gotten much worse over the decades. daveling apparently only sees behaviors as both a cause and effect. Both issues have to be addressed. I have posted here a long time and I’m not excusing their behavior one bit. I have been harsh over the years in my assessment of what women have become. I’m not minimizing bad behavior in the least but I can see that my post did just that. Thanks for bringing that up.

By: anti armchair generals

anti armchair generals — Mon, 13 Aug 2007 23:59:55 +0000

Women say that if men had to suffer the agony of childbirth we soon would cease exist. But what about wars? Body bags and amputaions. In Vietnam War the “proportionality was over 58,000 men and 8 women dead.
Link to Amazon other books from male perspective

http://www.amazon.com/Male-Chauvinist-Books/lm/R1RLAJXZH9ZQSN

By: anti armchair generals

anti armchair generals — Mon, 13 Aug 2007 23:44:35 +0000

29 daveling
Commented about amazing amount of anger among the post. but if he had read late Dr EdgarBergman’s book around 1982 most of his coments about “raging hormonal imbalance in women” have convinced legislators to pass laws that only support women. It was among firstbooks to dispute feminist claims.

Amazon.com: The compleat chauvinist: A survival guide for the …Amazon.com: The compleat chauvinist: A survival guide for the bedeviled male: Books: Edgar Berman by Edgar Berman.
http://www.amazon.com/compleat-chauvinist-survival-guide-bedeviled/dp/002510120X – 107k – Cached – Similar pages

As for “vagina for rent” is only available in some rural counties in Nevada. Sting operations are conducted by police and sc “DC Madam” was the agent for wealthy and well connected. One sting operation led to a woman commit suicide. Men convicted of seeking sex has to register as sex offenders.
So it seems celibacy is the one option. but as the scandal with priest revealed, the promise of celibacy is overcome by biological urges in hurting those who trust you.Marriage laws are not the only ones feminist and their friends have changed.
Since lesbian and gays have a common agenda. in California they removed sex offender registration for homosexual offeses from the time when it was still a crimnal act.

By: emarel

emarel — Mon, 13 Aug 2007 23:39:48 +0000

daveling, not flaming you, but you’re damn right there’s a lot of anger in these posts. If we were women, we’d have dozens of sympathetic outlets for our “anger”, from the police, to counselors, to lawyers, to judges, to DV centers, to manginas, to a myriad of other outlets. Other than our individual protests, or to our guns, this and a few other outlets is about all we have available to us as men. Go to the police? Awww, you’re just a pussy…DV center? Ummm, you’re a man; get lost, you’re of the oppressor gender… To the church? Son, if you just loved your wife as Christ loves the church, then she wouldn’t have to be such a bitch…

I’m living proof that men can be victims of domestic violence. I’ve been slapped, punched, shoved, scratched, gouged, pushed, kicked in the shins to the point that they were swollen for a week, kicked in the nuts, had my hair pulled, had to go to the ER when a rusty can of Draino was applied to my head…I could go on. Oh yeah, then there were the verbal assaults, too. I could have taken her apart, but I knew that if I retaliated physically, I could be arrested.

I’m not as angry as I used to be. I didn’t want to dwell in it and nurse it, but I’ve moved on with my life, and have come to enjoy the company of a decent woman. The ex has made somewhat of an apology for her behavior.

By: Ed

Ed — Mon, 13 Aug 2007 21:44:15 +0000

Hey man,

Denis, Sorry, but. I don’t think it’ about marrige 101. It’s not not about MEN. It’s not about what we need to do to change our ways, most of us (tell me I’m wrong guys!) try to meet them half way. Or more. Problem is the courts and the empowerment of the modern female Amerikan woman. The blogs here are replete with men telling their half of the story, anf yes, there are liars beggars and thieves but after two divorces I’ve come to believe that it’s female lies that are the real problem, not men.

Had to fight tooth and nail (and heart – if heart attacks count) to win custody despite the lies from the biological mother who, after the facts were on the table, was determined to be the actual ABUSER.

So, what to do, what to do, what to do. Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Try each case on it’s merits! Original, I know. Maybe take away the automatic assumption “mothers” are the best caretakers because they have vaginas and we may have a level playing field. Note, I never advocated that men become the automatic caretaker. That might seem…..sexist?

By: Ray Blumhorst

Ray Blumhorst — Mon, 13 Aug 2007 20:01:35 +0000

“After the 2nd one I think we all sit there and say wtf, is it me? Gotta be me. Then the great revelation: NOPE. These women are weird. Strange. Emboldened, able to go where no man dares to venture. (And getting bigger by the year) (what’s up with that?).”

Bingo! I remember a Mick Jagger song from several decades ago with some lyrics that said, “American women want everything you can possibly imagine of.”

You are correct, IMO, when you came to the realization that there are a lot of tyrannical women out there in American society, out there to exploit everything they possibly can from men, and if they don’t get it or their not satisfied, or their egos aren’t adequately stoked, or they just feel vengeful, or for no particular reason, or than they just feel like it, or their girl friends did it, or a domestic violence advocate told them to do it, they up an file divorce on you. And they don’t care how much they destroy your life or career, or finances, or peace of mind, they just rip you off for everything they can get, then they’re off to the next man to rip off. That’s the sexual power of women in American society, and women in America have been ruthless in their use of that power (in and outside the Church, IMO), and dullard leaders in “the Church” still don’t get it, or confront, what’s going on with those women, IMO.

By: Ray Blumhorst

Ray Blumhorst — Mon, 13 Aug 2007 19:50:29 +0000

“Yes there are more for women, especially the violence against women types, but look at the numbers- most women are the victims of domestic violence, not men (about 90-95%).”

I disagree with much of the blaming of men you’re doing, inferring most men here need to look primarily at their own malfeasance, but your domestic violence claim is so blatantly off the mark it needs solid refuting.

As to your first error, I suggest you sit in on college/university women’s studies classes, in any of the over 700 programs across America, then come back and tell us that you think there aren’t a whole lot of really dangerously unscrupulous, male exploitive women running amok in American society.

As to your second error, please consider what’s posted below.

http://www.ncfmla.org/dv_data.html

Battered Men Statistics

“Domestic violence is a human problem, not a gender problem.”
- Dear Abby

“In the United States every year, about 1.5 million women and more than 800,000 men are raped or physically assaulted by an intimate partner.”

Centers for Disease Control
http://www.cdc.gov/ncipc/factsheets/ipvfacts.htm

“This bibliography examines 196 scholarly investigations: 153 empirical studies and 43 reviews and/or analyses, which demonstrate that women are as physically aggressive, or more aggressive, than men in their relationships with their spouses or male partners. The aggregate sample size in the reviewed studies exceeds 177,100.”

http://www.csulb.edu/~mfiebert/assault.htm

University of New Hampshire 32-nation study: women initiate dating violence as often as men and controlling behavior is found equally in perpetrators of both sexes.
http://www.unh.edu/news/cj_nr/2006/may/em_060519male.cfm?type=n
http://pubpages.unh.edu/~mas2/ID41E2.pdf

University of Florida study: women more likely to stalk, attack and abuse. http://news.ufl.edu/2006/07/13/women-attackers/

“Contrary to the claim that women only hit in self-defense, we found that women were as likely to initiate the violence as were men. In order to correct for a possible bias in reporting, we reexamined our data looking only at the self-reports of women. The women reported similar rates of female-to-male violence compared to male-to-female, and women also reported they were as likely to initiate the violence as were men.”

Professor Richard Gelles, “The Hidden Side of Domestic Violence; Male Victims,” 1999, The Women’s Quarterly, http://www.ncfmla.org/gelles.html

Canadian government report on male victims
http://www.phac-aspc.gc.ca/ncfv-cnivf/familyviolence/pdfs/Intimate_Partner.pdf

American Psychological Association recognition of the data on male victims:
http://www.apa.org/monitor/oct06/pc.html

“Over the past 25 years, leading sociologists have repeatedly found that men and women commit domestic violence at similar rates. The 1977 assertion that ‘the phenomena of husband battering’ is as prevalent as wife abuse is confirmed by nationally representative studies, such as the Family Violence Surveys, as well as by numerous other sources. However, despite the wealth and diversity of the sociological research and the consistency of the findings, female violence is not recognized within the extensive legal literature on domestic violence.”

Prof. Linda Kelly, “Disabusing the Definition of Domestic Abuse; How Women Batter Men and the Role of the Feminist State,” 30 Fl. St. Law Review 791 (2003)
http://www.law.fsu.edu/journals/lawreview/downloads/304/kelly.pdf

Dutton, D., & Corvo, K., “Transforming a flawed policy: A call to revive psychology and science in domestic violence research and practice,” (11) 2006, 457-483 http://www.nfvlrc.org/docs/DuttonCorvo.policypaper.pdf

Archer, J., “Sex differences in aggression between heterosexual partners: A meta-analytic review,” Aggression and Violent Behavior (7) 2002, 313-351
http://www.maennerbuero-trier.de/Archer_2002.pdf

National Family Violence Legislative Resource Center, a global coalition of peer-reviewed domestic violence experts supporting research-based, inclusive approach to domestic violence and providing solid data showing women initiate the violence as often as men. http://www.nfvlrc.org/

David Fontes, Ph.D., “Violent Touch; Breaking Through The Stereotype,” 4/15/03 (by the Employee Assistance Manager for California Department of Health and Human Services. http://www.safe4all.org/essays/vtbreak.pdf

CRIME DATA

The most recent crime data shows about 25% of people who call police for help as domestic violence victims are men. http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/pub/press/fvspr.htm

Crime data is either based on crime reports or crime-oriented surveys by the Department of Justice. Experts point out that men underreport more than women do in crime data, whereas sociological (behavior-based) data is more accurate. (See Gelles, Dutton, Archer above).

There is a middle figure. The Centers for Disease Control data above cites a 36% figure based on the Violence Against Women Survey which was co-sponsored by Department of Justice (a crime agency) and Centers for Disease Control (non-crime agency) and therefore was partly crime-based, partly sociological. The study is at http://www.ncjrs.org/txtfiles1/nij/181867.txt. Professor Richard Gelles explains this in his article at http://www.ncfmla.org/gelles.html

INJURY

A “substantial minority” (38%) of physically- injured victims are men. John Archer, Ph.D., “Sex differences in aggression between heterosexual partners: A meta-analytic review,” Psychological Bulletin (2000), 126, 651-680.

A University of Pennsylvania emergency room report found 13% of men reported being assaulted by a female partner in the previous 12 months, about half of whom were choked, kicked, bitten, punched, or had an object thrown at them, and 37% involved a weapon, 14% required medical attention, 6% sought counseling, and they were disproportionately African-American men with no health insurance. http://www.aemj.org/cgi/content/abstract/6/8/786

Injuries are only a small part of the damage caused by domestic violence. There is also the injury to children who witness it and are psychologically damaged no matter how severe it is. Studies show children who witness their parents hit each other, regardless of their gender, are more likely to commit domestic violence or child abuse in the future. One study found the likelihood a woman will abuse her child increases each time she witnesses her mother hit her father. (Heyman, Richard and Slep, Amy Smith, “Do Child Abuse and Interparental Violence Lead to Adulthood Family Violence?” (Nov. 2003) J. or Marriage & the Family, v. 64, issue 4, pp. 864-70.

THE SELF-DEFENSE MYTH

“Contrary to the claim that women only hit in self-defense, we found that women were as likely to initiate the violence as were men. In order to correct for a possible bias in reporting, we reexamined our data looking only at the self-reports of women. The women reported similar rates of female-to-male violence compared to male-to-female, and women also reported they were as likely to initiate the violence as were men.”

Richard Gelles, Ph.D, “The Hidden Side of Domestic Violence; Male Victims,” 1999, The Women’s Quarterly.
http://www.ncfmla.org/gelles.html

“It has often been claimed that the reason CTS studies have found as many women as men to be physically aggressive is because women are defending themselves against attack. A number of studies have addressed this issue and found that when asked, more women than men report initiating the attack. (Bland & Orn. 1986; DeMaris, 1992; Gryl & Bird. 1989. cited in Straus. 1997) or that the proportions are equivalent in the two sexes (Straus, 1997). Two large-scale studies found that a substantial proportion of both women and men report using physical aggression when the partner did not (Brush, 1990; Straus & Gelles, 1988). This evidence does not support the view that the CTS is only measuring women’s self-defense.”

John Archer, Ph.D., “Sex Differences in Aggression Between Heterosexual Partners: A Meta-Analytic Review, Psychological Bulletin,” Sept. 2000. v. 126, n. 5, p. 651, 664.

California State University surveyed 1,000 college women: 30% admitted they assaulted a male partner. Their most common reasons: (1) my partner wasn’t listening to me; (2) my partner wasn’t being sensitive to my needs; and (3) I wished to gain my partner’s attention. Martin Fiebert, Ph.D., Denise Gonzalez, Ph.D., “Why Women Assault; College Women Who Initiate Assaults on their Male Partners and the Reasons Offered for Such Behavior,” 1997, Psychological Reports, 80, 583-590, http://www.batteredmen.com/fiebertg.htm.

A major study of domestic violence that asked about motives found men and women assault their partners at the same rates and for the same reasons, most often “to get through to them,” while self-defense was one of the least common motives for both sexes. Carrado, “Aggression in British Heterosexual Relationships: A Descriptive Analysis, Aggressive Behavior,” 1996, 22: 401-415.

The 32-nation study of domestic violence by the University of New Hampshire in 2006 further refutes the self-defense myth. http://pubpages.unh.edu/~mas2/ID41E2.pdf

Professor Don Dutton refutes the self-defense myth. Dutton, D., & Corvo, K., “Transforming a flawed policy: A call to revive psychology and science in domestic violence research and practice,” (11) 2006, 457-483 http://www.nfvlrc.org/docs/DuttonCorvo.policypaper.pdf

Sarantakos, S. (2004), “Deconstructing self-defense in wife-to-husband violence,” Journal of Men’s Studies, 12 (3) 277-296. Members of 68 families with violent wives in Australia were studied. In 78% of cases wives’ violence was moderate to severe, and in 38% of cases husbands needed medical attention. Using information from husbands, wives, children and wives’ mothers, the study provides compelling data challenging self defense as a motive for female-to-male violence.

Sommer, Reena (1994), “Male and female partner abuse: Testing a diathesis-stress model,” unpublished doctoral dissertation, University of Manitoba, Winnipeg, Canada. The study was in two waves: the first was from 1989-1990 and included a random sample of 452 married or cohabiting women and 447 married or cohabiting men from Winnipeg, Canada; the second was from 1991-1992 and included 368 women and 369 men all of whom participated in the first wave. Subjects completed the CTS & other assessment instruments. 39.1% of women reported being physically aggressive (16.2% reporting having perpetrated severe violence) at some point in their relationship with their male partner. While 26.3% of men reported being physically aggressive (with 7.6% reporting perpetrating severe violence) at some point in their relationship with their female partner. Among the perpetrators of partner abuse, 34.8% of men and 40.1% of women reported observing their mothers hitting their fathers. Results indicate that 21% of “males’ and 13% of females’ partners required medical attention as a result of a partner abuse incident.” Results also indicate that “10% of women and 15% of men perpetrated partner abuse in self defense.” http://www.menweb.org/throop/battery/sommer.html

By: Denis

Denis — Mon, 13 Aug 2007 19:44:42 +0000

“How many of you took a marriage education course before you got married? I’ll wait.”

“Thought so.”

You can hear voices?

Actually, at least for me (and others here) the issue is less about behavior and more about rights. Who has them and who doesn’t. She can call 911 over nothing whatsoever and have you arrested. Maybe after several years marriage isn’t what she wants anymore. Maybe it got boring with the routines of daily living. Maybe her expectations where too high to begin with after years of listening to Oprah. She can claim domestic abuse without proof and put the man in financial bondage. She can take full ownership of the kids, the house, etc. The Family Courts are against men and fathers. Women’s groups fight shared parenting legislation. There is much more that can be said. Much has already been said over the years at MND. Every now and then there are women and men who then lecture men-again and again it’s “their fault”. Again and again “they are not taking responsibility”. Again and again “they blame someone else”. Again and again the real issues are invisible. Again and again.

By: daveling

daveling — Mon, 13 Aug 2007 18:58:05 +0000

Wow. What an amazing amount of anger in these posts.

I’m divorced, share custody of my daughter with her mother. I teach relationship classes (insert your joke here- it’s not going to be new). I also have worked with men trying to be better fathers.

At the risk if injecting some reason into this blog, let me throw in a different perspective- the truth.

You ask the question “Is it unwise for men to get married today?” the answer is maybe. Some other questions that you need to answer first. Are you the right person to get married? Is it unwise to marry the wrong woman? Are you marrying for the right reasons? Is this all just about sex? Do you have realistic expectations of what it means to be married?

But when things crash and burn it’s a lot easier for us to blame someone else (i.e. the ex). It’s a whole other matter when you have to answer to the mirror.

There were things in my marriage that I didn’t do right. There were things she didn’t do right.

Remember when you were 16 and you had to take driver’s education before you could get a license?

How many of you took a marriage education course before you got married? I’ll wait.

Thought so.

Look, the truth is that most of don’t have a clue how to make a marriage work, men or women. We have parents as role models, but all too often they may not have been the best guide. Or we have Ward and June Cleaver, who had a script to follow. We don’t know how to “do married” and there are fewer constraints keeping people married- i.e. women in the work force, domestic violence protection, etc.
Once upon a time, if a woman got divorced, she went hungry, or had to sell herself. (BTW, Ed, I am truly bewildered that you think the first “power grab” was that people decided that maybe women could do something more than sex work to make a living). And another thing- if you can’t get along with 37 people, Ed, have you ever thought that maybe you’re the problem? Just a thought…..

As far as getting screwed in divorce settlements, you are absolutely right that men tend to get screwed. The precedent was set when men didn’t raise children and women couldn’t work. It’s still way skewed, and that needs to change.

There are agencies etc that work for fathers and fathers’ rights. – Texas Fathers For Equal Rights, the National Fatherhood Coalition, Strong Fathers, and more. Yes there are more for women, especially the violence against women types, but look at the numbers- most women are the victims of domestic violence, not men (about 90-95%)

Look, I could go one for a long, long time – “prostitutes are feminazi shock troops” – Holy Sh*t! .

I’m not saying that women are saints and men are sh*ts. I’m sure that the individual women talked about on this blog were, uhm, not nice. But lumping them all into some evil empire designed to emasculate men, that’s a little far.

Someone mentioned accountability. Best word used on this blog. Accountability goes both ways. It means being accountable for your own actions. It means being accountable for knowing what you need to know as a man, as a husband, and as a father. It means being accountable for our own mistakes and not blaming them on women, or other people in general.

Go ahead, flame me, I can take it.

By: Ed

Ed — Mon, 13 Aug 2007 18:18:15 +0000

mcd106: You Rock too man. After the 2nd one I think we all sit there and say wtf, is it me? Gotta be me. Then the great revelation: NOPE. These women are weird. Strange. Emboldened, able to go where no man dares to venture. (And getting bigger by the year) (what’s up with that?). Stay solid mcd, no matter how cute or sweet they act….beware.

By: Ed

Ed — Mon, 13 Aug 2007 18:13:42 +0000

Cybro: You Rock man.

By: mcd106

mcd106 — Mon, 13 Aug 2007 16:13:43 +0000

I’ve been married twice and I can tell you I will NEVER marry again. I will NEVER allow some conniving, scheming, whining female to get me into a position where my whole personal, professional and financial future is placed at risk. I’ve not yet met a woman who was anything other than a walking “trap” just waiting for some man to fall into.

By: conservativation

conservativation — Mon, 13 Aug 2007 12:39:22 +0000

donnieboy, your two posts above carry huge insights and observations that many simply fear to make or have been so conditioned to its normality see it as commentary about the mundane…like the rising sun or something.
It is amazing the dynamic that develops in most marriages. Ive pointed out the sweaty pasty guy in airports with toddlers hanging off him and wife pointing and “suggesting” they go over here, no, over there, no, just keep them quiet honey while I……
When men go an do something they enjoy, many times it carries one or all of the following reactions:
1. She sweetly tells him how glad she is that he got to enjoy a few hours. But this is among her delineating exactly how his schedule should be daily, how she allocates his family times according to her perception of what is “right”
2. There is an initial reaction of anger at his plans.
3. After the golf or whatever an inquisition about if there were any hot gals where he was and if he spoke to them.
4. The event comes back later in the form of rationale for something she wants to do or buy.

Ive said before, how often do you hear men telling each other they must ask the boss? And how often is that discussed between women? Strangely they will discuss it, but they KNOW they will get their way.
If you have a decent marriage I still think its a great thing, but so many toil away a life as you describe. It is truly sad enough to bring tears.

By: donnieboy57

donnieboy57 — Mon, 13 Aug 2007 12:06:12 +0000

cybro……i believe it is because women are over the top concerned about themselves more than others and that includes children. its all a ruse this thing about women and children. fathers make much better parents than mothers, on the average. from birth, they are trained by women in the art of receiving and taking largasse from men. as long as we feed coal into the furnace, it will give off heat. the start button is sex. its what they have to offer. its all they have to offer. think about it. is a wife more apt to give a damn about what her husband enjoys or is he more often than not, required to support and be emotionally involved in her thang? its a no brainer, if one stops to really think about it.

By: cybro

cybro — Mon, 13 Aug 2007 03:03:44 +0000

Her birthday, the holy of holies, ha, that’s a good one.

I got a call the other day from a chick that I haven’t spoken to in about 9 months. It was her birthday she announced again and again and again. She must have repeated that at least 20 times. So I was supposed to drop everything I was doing and bring her royal majesty to the airport so she could honor Vegas with her presense on her birthday. The magic day when the entire universe spins around this one person.

Mind you this chick did zero for me in the past 9 months but that did not slow her down. The attitude was it’s my birthday therefore you obey my orders. Truly amazing arrogance. Of course I blew her off.

It reminded me why I ditched her to begin with. Only it seems like she has gotten worse. It’s a trend that I am starting to notice with females.

It’s like the older and more useless they are the higher the opinion they have of themselves. Once they are past 30 that’s it. Expiration date is up. Nobody wants them like they did when they were 20.

How is it that they don’t get that? How is it that they go even further to think that they are worth more as they get older?

Add chicks are insane to your list of reasons not to get married.

By: anti armchair generals

anti armchair generals — Mon, 13 Aug 2007 01:13:19 +0000

Ray Blumhorst writes that “It appears the Jewish faith has been severely impacted by America’s divorce plaque as well”.
While civil divorce is relatively easy to obtain, Roman Catholic Church requires annulment by the Church authority.
Jewish “get” is not well understood by gentiles. Here is a link to one article on the Internet that explains the reasoning and procedure.

http://www.beliefnet.com/story/75/story_7563_1.html

By: mirwalk

mirwalk — Sun, 12 Aug 2007 19:04:08 +0000

I know a few men who are very afraid of getting a divorce. I also know a few who shrug it off thinking that it couldn’t be as bad as some make it out to be. If you want a good source of information and ideas then visit http://www.dont-marry.com
This site is full of guys who will tell you what a bad idea it is to get married in today’s suicidal marriage climate. For the best stuff you will need to register and go to the private boards.

By: Bart

Bart — Sun, 12 Aug 2007 18:49:00 +0000

Too many guys complain that the women have the power over them. But if you are strong and don’t need sex, they lose this power over you.

By: anti armchair generals

anti armchair generals — Sun, 12 Aug 2007 17:20:02 +0000

Ray Blumhorst,
Thanks for having the courage to write a well written article that many would find taboo and aginst vaious faiths dicta of sex outdside marriage.
But what are the choices for men? Even if you are falsely charged with paternity for having sex with single girl, it does not entangle as many legal issues as marriage.
I was stunned by your report that divorce rate among born again Christians was higher than others. I had thoough their faith would sustain them.
Also, although many activist are for separation of church and state, in orthdox Jewish faith the husband has to agree to a religious “get” before the wife can remarry in her faith even after a a civil divorce. The community has tried to ostracize the husban and ban him from attending religious activities to pressure him to to grant a get. Our state legislature has tried to pass legislation that would require a Jewish man to grant a “get” as a part of civli divorce. So far it has stalled in legislature on constitutional grounds. Again, thanks for writing catch 22 for men