Dear Islamic Rage Boy,

I am a registered Democrat living in the Washington, DC area. I recently learned from a friend of a friend that that neocon comic hack Berkeley Breathed wrote a comic strip that is both offensive and cruel to Muslims. On behalf of my former religion (I am a recovering Catholic) and my country (which I barely recognize since Hitler�s retarded, albeit more vicious, cousin stole his way into office six years ago), I wish to offer my sincerest apologies to you and all of your fellow freedom fighters, particularly those in undercover resistance cells here in the United States who are not allowed to integrate with their like-minded Democratic brethren thanks to the fascist immigration policies of this administration.

I wanted to let you know that in an attempt to cleanse my mental palette after taking in these horrifically odious strips of venomous comic dreck, I spent a full thirty minutes at Ted Rall�s website, fully immersed in the soothing comedic strains of a true revolutionary thinker. For my money, there is nothing like a good joke about dead American soldiers for salving the sting of another erroneous attack on the religion of peace.

Anyway, as some newspapers have seen fit to actually publish these cartoonish vehicles of hate, including the Los Angeles Times which has clearly lost its editorial mind, I wanted to know what I could do to help right this wrong? Can I as a current non-Muslim, assist by issuing a death decree on my own? Sort of a �citizen�s fatwa� as it were. I would truly like to help the cause. Please advise.

Decidedly Tolerant In DC

Dear Decidedly,

I very much enjoyed reading your letter, and as you can clearly tell by my above picture, you brought a big smile to an old jihadi�s face with your very kind words. You and I share many similar viewpoints and in another situation, I most likely would call you �friend.� So it was with great despair that I read the portion of your note that declared you a �non-Muslim.� At this point, I feel it is my obligation to let you know that even though you are doing Allah�s work, I will not be able to spare you when the new caliphate arises. It is not personal, but as a pig-loving non-believer you will be beheaded, dragged through the streets by your scrotum, and filleted on the steps of the local mosque, Allah willing.

But back to your question. There are a great many ways you can be of service. My best suggestion is to contact the DC chapter of the ACLU and ask for a copy of their very helpful pamphlet, �So You Want To Be A Jihadi?� Ask for Stu and tell him Rage Boy sent you.

Now as for the cartoon at hand. This Breathed character has been a thorn in my side for years. I�ve made no secret of my hatred for this right wing puppet and his insipid penguin. Speaking of which, what is this fascination in America with a small flightless bird that spends its miserable existence waddling around frozen (though warming) ice floes in the Antarctic waiting to be devoured by the noble killer whale?

Best of luck.

IRB

Although he is not a licensed therapist, Islamic Rage Boy is a clinical jihadist with expertise in a wide array of areas including: floral arrangements, etiquette, English grammar, homeopathy, animal grooming, and the making of hit records.

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