Editor’s Note: Sources have revealed that the Berkeley Breathed “Opus” cartoon (rejected by many U.S. newspapers) was exposed to Muslim staffers at The Washington Post at the behest of Comics Editor Amy Lago to help inform the decision as to whether or not to run the cartoon. The “emotional” reaction of the staffers apparently helped sway an already “alarmed” contingent in the higher echelons of The Washington Post.In yet another journalistic coup, TNOYF reporters obtained this video transcript of the meeting between Post Assistant Managing Editor Mike Keegan and the Muslim staffers.

“Thank you, gracious Muslim staffers of The Washington Post, for joining me tonight. Before I start, let me share some good news: the Executive Board of The Washington Post has agreed to consider your demand that the entire building be rotated to face Mecca. It will require some effort, but I’m confident we can push it through. In fact, I just learned the board member most opposed to the motion had a bit of an… epiphany… last week as her brakeless car hurtled down Courthouse Road.”

“HOORAY!”

“Now to today’s topic. Once again, we are forced to ask for your editorial guidance on a matter that is quite…controversial. But, before I get into that, let me dispense with the standard disclaimer: nothing said here tonight is intended to offend you. No facial expressions, shifts in voice tone, or nervous tics should be interpreted as attacks on Islam. Also, after last month’s unfortunate but deadly misinterpretation of the color scheme in Design Editor McClenighan’s tie, I’ve been asked by our lawyers to add that our clothing is also not intended to offend you, your families, Mohammed, or Islam in general. OK?

“OK, but the tie did look like the Israeli flag.”

“You’ll get no argument from me, Mr. Ibrahm. It was clearly Zionist neckware. However, when our employees fillet each other in a public forum, it creates…problems for us as a corporate enterprise. Surely you understand.”

“The Jew-loving cur deserved to die.”

“A thousand deaths, praise be to Allah. However, drawing and quartering tends to put off some of our less enlightened readers and we are running a business here. Nevertheless, let us get to the matter at hand. Are you comfortable?”

“I have not received the agreed-upon portion of falafel. Must I remind you of the last time my blood-sugar fell?”

“CAN WE GET MR. ABDUL-FATAAH SOME FALAFEL, STAT? Thanks. OK– the right-wing shill cartoonist Berkeley Breathed has submitted a cartoon for publication, and I would like to show it to you. Now, please remember, I did not conceive, write, color, print or transport this material. I am simply the reluctant messenger. Uh–Mr. Majeed–I thought we agreed that we would leave our machetes home. Would you mind putting that away?”

“Sorry, but I need to address the exposed ankle of my cousin’s wife tonight, and did not think I’d be able to get home in time to get my machete. And get to the gym.”

“I thought you might be working out. I’ve noticed a difference.”

“Thanks. I’ve found a personal trainer really helps.”

“OK, gentlemen. Here is the cartoon-”

“BLASPHEMY!”

“BE-HEAD THE INFIDEL!”

“BUSH LIED, PEOPLE DIED!”

“Pardon?”

“Sorry. Wrong protest.”

“No matter. It is as I feared. On behalf of every employee of The Washington Post, let me apologize for this racist, Islamophobic, hate-filled attempt at humor. As compensation for your discomfort this evening, I’m pleased to announce that we have decided to use the space normally reserved for “Opus” to run one of Talha Saad’s enlightened cartoons. Yes, my Muslim friends, tomorrow the readers of The Washington Post will be treated to the revolutionary work entitled, “Catholic Priest Raping a Rabbi While Being Pissed On By A Giant Sloth.”

“HOORAY!”

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