OJ Simpson Vows to Find Real Casino Hotel Thief
O.J Simpson was questioned by Las Vegas police in connection with an alleged theft at the Palace Station Hotel and Casino last night. Details are sketchy, but it appears that several men broke into a sports memorabilia dealer’s room and stole mementos at gunpoint which once belonged to Simpson.
According to declarations made by the understandably shaken victim, one of the perps was the Juice himself, so the notorious ex-football star was quietly pinched for questioning.
When the interrogation began, Simpson denied any knowledge of the crime, but politely offered his services to search for the real robbers in casinos throughout Vegas.
Later, when the Detective in charge informed him that he wasn’t leaving until a statement was taken, O.J told them,
“Okay now … I didn’t do this … but if I did, here’s how I would have ……”
Midway through the hypothetical confession, Crime Scene cops returned with a Buffalo Bills jersey, inscribed with the name “Simpson” and the number 32, which they had recovered from the hotel room. Alert detectives, suspecting a possible connection, cleverly tricked the disgraced running back into trying it on.
When the pullover split like a Vegas stripper before OJ’s head had fully negotiated its neck hole, he was released pending further investigation, repeating his vow to find the real felons.
Simpson was last seen staking out the Olympic Garden gentlemen’s club in western Vegas.
Note: While based on actual events, the above was satire.
Marc Sheppard is a technology consultant, software engineer, writer, and political and systems analyst. He is a regular contributor to American Thinker, The New Media Journal, Opinion Editorials and Men’s News Daily. | More from Marc Sheppard
Stumble It!
September 15th, 2007 at 8:03 pm
i never got my reward he promised for finding out who was responsible for killing his x-wife. it was the judge that awarded her tens of thousands per month for life alimony.