Cinderella, stepfamilies, and the relations between the sexes
The other day I had the pleasure of watching the classic Disney animated film of Cinderella. This got me to thinking about the meanings of the famous fairy tale.
The wicked stepmother became a negative archetype for good reason. Throughout most of human history, childbirth was extremely dangerous. Mothers often died giving birth. Children frequently grew up never knowing their mothers. Those who did know them often lost them when a brother or sister was born.
Widowers were free to remarry so it was extremely common for children to have stepmothers. Were all stepmothers wicked? Of course not. However, there was an automatic rivalry between the stepmother and the children of the previous wife as they were taking resources that the stepmother would probably want for her own children or for the children she anticipated having. Thus, it was probably not uncommon for a stepmother to be nasty or even actively abusive to her stepchildren and for them to fear and hate her.
In today’s world, death in childbirth has become a rarity thanks to the advances in medical science. This is one of the chief ways in which women have benefited from men’s work. Marriages are far more likely to be broken by divorce (usually initiated by the wife) than by death. Courts tend to discriminate in favor of mothers in granting custody. The result is that our modern-day horror stories tend to focus on the abusive stepfather, who does not have the investment in the child of the biological (or adoptive) father rather than the cruel stepmother.
Perhaps reason Cinderella continues to speak so powerfully is that it underlines a perennial source of tension between females. The self-esteem of girls and women is intimately tied to their appearance so there is a tendency for the less attractive to easily harbor ill will toward the more attractive. Thus, the lovely Cinderella’s persecution by her homely stepsisters rings real through the ages.
Cinderella is rescued from her oppression through her relationship with a man. The fairy tale shows no battling between the sexes, no love-hate relationship between Cinderella and her Prince but a union of pure love. Perhaps the ultimate power of Cinderella lies in its depiction of the connection between men and women as one not fraught with tension but rich with the potential for true harmony.
| More from Denise Noe
Stumble It!
October 17th, 2007 at 6:32 pm
I had been living with my wife and her two kids about six months when Iheard a reference to a wicked stepmother. I thought wicked stepmother my ass,thats when I started refering to the girl as the wicked stepdaughter.
October 18th, 2007 at 7:02 am
Wicked stepmothers come in all ages too. My mom died when she was 69, and soon after, my dad, in his grief, became reacquainted with a woman he had briefly known when they were teenagers. She was only a year younger than he was, and had been married but didn’t have children of her own. Nor did she like the fact that he had children, as we found out later on. Her husband had died the same year mom did. Dad decided to marry her, even though it meant he would be moving far away from family and friends. She was wealthy but insisted on doing a prenup in order to steal all dad’s money (he had worked for the government and got a huge amount for retirement and social security). She treated dad like a child, always fussing at him and criticizing him (I think he kept his hearing aid turned off most of the time in order to deal with that). I could go on and on about her faults, but to be honest, we could have forgiven most of them except for her final act of *itchiness. When dad died, she flat out refused to let any of us know. Dad’s only sibling, a sister; all three of his daughters; his grandchildren–all of whom had been very close to him before she came along–she had no intention of letting any of us know that he had died. She admitted this to a friend of hers. We couldn’t forgive her for that. NO one could.
Fortunately, we found out through a mutual acquaintance and were miraculously all able to show up for the funeral…the look on her face when we walked into the church was priceless. The reason she didn’t want us to come was obvious when the pastor read the eulogy that she had written. She had basically rewritten dad’s history as it involved her, to make it seem that their relationship as teens was a lot more than it was, and that he only married our mom because he couldn’t have this woman, and he had pined over her all those years until finally they were reunited…it was enough to make us physically ill. We were so shocked by her brazenness and dishonesty. To me, she has always been the ultimate in wicked stepmothers, although to think of her as a mother in any sense of the word was ludicrous. I have no idea if she’s still alive or not, and none of us even care.
October 18th, 2007 at 12:54 pm
Denis, from the women growing up in the sixties… that fairy tale caused a lot of damage to millions of baby boomers women. The worst part was that there was going to be a “prince” come into your life and rescue you from the wicked step parent.
As we know, the whole “free sex” came into being, and marriage went out the door. Why get married? So women had to support themselves.
(oh my god, what have I said?)
So the women expected the men to be “perfect” and the men got women who they could never please. Not to mention the economy forced both men and women to reconsider the whole fairly tale. Now, it takes two salaries to stay in the “middle” class.
The whole second marriage thing has been really hard on many second marriages. It’s only natural for parents to favor their own children..and unless both partners are incredible intelligent and mature, it can be more than tough. The kids are not always innocent…as the other disney movie..”the parent trap” showed.
Come to think of it, not much has been written about the problem of step-parents.
At least I haven’t seen much…
Nevertheless, you are right…more than often, women are ruthless to each other, and it’s really sad. And it would be nice if the Cinderella fairytale happened more often.
Walt, the genuis that he was…had no clue what his movie would mean to future generations…he was just doing what he did best…create wonderful works of art.
October 18th, 2007 at 5:38 pm
Joyanna: “As we know, the whole “free sex” came into being, and marriage went out the door. Why get married? So women had to support themselves.
(oh my god, what have I said?)”
fourthwire: Don’t forget that the reasons why “marriage went out the window” range from the fact that hardcore feminists preached to their willing female faithful that marriage was “oppressing” them……….
….. to the fact that decades of judicial activism began to make marriage increasingly risky for men.
And women FOUGHT for the right to “support themselves”, remember? Hardcore feminists determined that those women who stay at home and care for their husbands and children were being “oppressed”.
And now more women have to support themselves, at least when they cannot have a man forced to pay them child support and/or vaginamony.
You’ve come a long way, baby!……..;-)
October 18th, 2007 at 5:48 pm
Denise: “Marriages are far more likely to be broken by divorce (usually initiated by the wife) than by death. Courts tend to discriminate in favor of mothers in granting custody. The result is that our modern-day horror stories tend to focus on the abusive stepfather, who does not have the investment in the child of the biological (or adoptive) father rather than the cruel stepmother.”
fourthwire: The reason that our “modern-day horror stories tend to focus on the abusive stepfather” is directly linked to the “women=good, men=bad” propaganda fostered by the feminazis and faithfully reiterated through the mainstream media, through Womyn’s Studies programs, through every government office created for women at the behest of feminazis, through “educational programs” spawned through institutionalized misandry like VAWA, ad nauseum.
You might have mentioned as such, Denise.
October 18th, 2007 at 7:28 pm
The whole tale and circumstance needs updating.
Listen up yo’ people cuz I’ze rappin’ Cinderella,
She lost de fancy shoey but den found herself a fella
Life was goin’ nowhere for the da mega-suffrin’ Cinders.
Her sistas allus dissin’ her and clackin’ ‘Clean de winders’.
Sure, dey bigged it in the sparklin’ bling an’ sassy, classy clo’s
But dere was no denyin’ dey was two well-ugly ho’s.
When Cinders got so low down dere was no place lef’ to fall
Some foxxy Fairy Lady said, “You’s goin’ to da Ball”.
“I’ze worried ’bout you, honey chile, I knows you bin self-harmin’
So shake dat booty, its yo’ duty, you can pull Prince Charmin’ “.
Da Babe she struts her stuff, puts on da wiggle and da swerve
Princey gets blissed-up cuz he done gone fell in lerve.
At midnite Cinders splits da scene to get back to da real
In da hurry and da scurry she bust off da glassy heel
Princey see it on da sidewalk an’ he travel all da land
to find da foot to fit it an’ den give da chick his hand.
De mum o’ Cinders, bless her knickers, looks down from above
“I knew dat Dad ud get a slut-bag when’I quit da life an Lerve
And da ugly cow would spawn some strife for Cinders to contend
But I’d no idea she do so well with a Prince dere in the end.