Beware the January Divorce
Flat Like Bad Champagne
Unlike gender-blind wealth and life destroyers — alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling, and catastrophic illness — divorce will disproportionately eviscerate the wallets, parental power, and dignity of men. Because family courts (I call them female-ly courts) generally favor women, who have overwhelmingly unfair reproductive, custody, paternity, alimony, child-support, and homestead advantages, a man’s biggest nightmare is becoming the respondent in a divorce, especially in January.
If your marriage is already teetering when December arrives, it’s time to beware the January divorce. By the Sunday of the Super Bowl, there’s a high probability that your wife will have served you divorce papers. That’s right: women bring 70% of divorce actions, to improve their odds of taking the kids and the houses.
Starting at Thanksgiving and ending on New Year’s Eve, a husband and wife whose marriage has gone flat like bad champagne typically act out an “everything’s just fine” charade for their friends, their kids, their respective families, and themselves.
Sometimes, the charading couple naively hopes that the celebrations and festivities will revive happiness of yore. Sometimes, in deceit, the wife will tell her husband that she’s happy while secretly plotting a divorce. Whatever the case, when the ball drops in Times Square, at least one of them knows that the era of their marriage is about to end.
Divorce Season
If women cared so much about marriage and family, as they always claim when you meet them, they would lobby their elected representatives to equalize the reproductive, custody, homestead, paternity, and child-support laws. Have you ever seen this happen? Never. Have you ever heard a politician promise to make this happen? Never. Women benefit from divorce, and that’s why they are happy with the anti-male status quo.
Divorce lawyers will tell you that their phones ring more during the first week of January than at any other time during the year. Affectionately known as divorce season, January is a fitting time for a marriage’s termination, considering its etymology. It is named for Janus — the Roman god of gates, doors, doorways, beginnings, and endings — who has two opposite-looking faces for simultaneously seeing the past and the future.
A man must steel — and prepare — himself for the January divorce. Imagine how it feels for an NFL quarterback to be broadsided and sacked by the opponent’s middle linebacker. Not so good, judging by the grimace on his face and the discernable limp in his gait. That’s what it feels like, emotionally and financially, to be caught unawares when a server hands you divorce papers. Don’t wait for that to happen. Get legal and financial help, now!
The Ostrich Routine
There’s no reason to be broadsided by divorce in cold January. Instead, become like Janus — in September. Look at your marriage’s recent past and decide whether it really has a future. If not, begin the exit process as soon as possible. Don’t be passive, don’t be chivalrous, don’t be a victim, and don’t engage in self-delusion. Protect yourself.
After summer vacation ends and the kids return to school, that’s when you truly know whether your marriage will last. And, that’s when you should start talking to a lawyer and an accountant. Marriage is a corporation; you, the man, are the minority shareholder. And, the more children you have, the more your minority share dwindles. Don’t compound your male disadvantage by stalling. Stay proactive.
If you pull the ostrich routine, September will quickly turn into December, and your wife will divorce you in January. She has access to Janus, too. She’s also looking behind and ahead. She wants those kids and that house — and your cash. If you are passive, she will strike first and dictate the terms and timing of your demise. She will boot you out in the cold. Ask any divorce lawyer: January is divorce month. Is that what you want?
The NoNonsense Bottom Line
Nobody wants to go through a divorce. It’s a mess for the whole family, the extended families, and all the friends — who eventually will divide into his and hers camps. But, if divorce is inevitable, fight it like a war: on the offensive, on her territory, when you are prepared. I know it sounds harsh, but the alternative is obvious, isn’t it? Isn’t it?
Remember: If your marriage is dead and you haven’t filed for divorce by Halloween, and she, for some reason, doesn’t file in January, you then must confront Valentine’s Day and, two months hence, tax day — as an unhappily married couple. How much chill and self-imposed torture can you endure?
Instead, ring in the new year with good friends, have fun on the slopes, watch the Super Bowl in peace, and file your taxes as a single man — all possible when you beware, and avoid, the January divorce. To avoid divorce in the other 11 months, with complete certitude, never marry in the first place.
About the Author
Marc H. Rudov is an internationally recognized radio/TV personality and author of 70+ articles and the books Under the Clitoral Hood: How to Crank Her Engine Without Cash, Booze, or Jumper Cables™ (ISBN 9780974501727), and The Man’s No-Nonsense Guide to Women: How to Succeed in Romance on Planet Earth™ (ISBN 0974501719). Mr. Rudov is a regular guest on Fox News Channel’s Your World with Neil Cavuto.
Rudov’s books, articles, blog, and podcasts are available at TheNoNonsenseMan.com.
Copyright © 2007 by Marc H. Rudov. All rights reserved.
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Stumble It!
December 7th, 2007 at 12:27 pm
As it stands currently, I have no worry about marriage as I have no girlfriend to begin with. And its not that I wouldn’t get married, but after all I’ve learned from you and others and from seeing some women’s Janus activities and seeing how some friends have been treated (one was smart about it, another not so much) all I can honestly say is that while I might live in a marriage like state one day, I won’t be getting married anytime soon.
December 7th, 2007 at 10:32 pm
Marc
My ex did exactly what you describe. She contacted a divorce attorney in January, right after Christmas with her folks, and had papers drawn up to serve me the first week of February, the same day the moving truck pulled away from our home bound for our new home in California.
It was a preemptive strike, and I was none the wiser until one of the movers directed the process server to me.
Beware the January divorce indeed.
December 8th, 2007 at 12:21 am
This should be put in a Hallmark card and sent to every man in the nation.
“If women cared so much about marriage and family, as they always claim when you meet them, they would lobby their elected representatives to equalize the reproductive, custody, homestead, paternity, and child-support laws.
Have you ever seen this happen?
Never.
Have you ever heard a politician promise to make this happen?
Never.
Women benefit from divorce, and that’s why they are happy with the anti-male status quo.”
A sound lesson there, Marc.
The follow-on is even better.
“To avoid divorce in the other 11 months, with complete certitude, never marry in the first place.
December 8th, 2007 at 12:40 am
Unfortunately, divorce in ANY month is not good for the man.
Unfortunately, striking first, as you suggest, only means theat you are VOLUNTEERING to be destroyed by this evil system.
She can still use the protection order racket to seize control of the house and the kids. All she has to do is lie through her teeth about what an abusive bastard you are and that she is “afraid” of you.
So striking first is not necessarily good for the man.
December 8th, 2007 at 1:44 am
Roger, your sentence that “striking first only means that you are VOLUNTEERING to be destroyed by this evil system” makes little sense.
If you WAIT for HER to strike first, you can pre-empt some of the very nastiness (albeit not all of it!) that you claim she can still command.
Of course “striking first” for a guy means seeing a competent divorce attorney and getting your legal ducks lined up in order to come out ahead.
Yes, women have distinct advantages to play upon, as you mention, in the case of divorce….. but waiting for her to make the first move at her convenience (i.e. after New Year’s Day) simply makes matters EVEN WORSE for the man.
So…. striking first is the best of a limited series of options available to a married man with forebodings of a failed marriage, as Marc points out.
December 8th, 2007 at 2:09 am
Begging your pardon, major typo in my second sentence. Should read:
If you WAIT for HER to strike first, you CANNOT pre-empt some of the very nastiness (albeit not all of it!) that you claim she can still command.
December 8th, 2007 at 4:54 am
Marc H. Rudov
Your topic was so compelling that I could not resist reading it. to avoid straying out of topic ,I’ll keep it brief.
It strikes a spike inmy heart since we are sceduled to move during holidays. What county would have jurisdiction to hear the case.old or new? Is there time line. One close wife and husband were moving from Florida to Maryland. When the husband arrived later, she told him you are not coming here because I’m divorcing you.He is stil in Florioda after her second failed marriage.
5. fourthwire,
Since you make such succint commentd,but ’striking first” scares” me.Then the mans legacy is, he wanted out so let him pay through the nose. The only option left seems to be a noose for the man.
December 8th, 2007 at 7:38 am
Marc, you forgot the lunar calendar … 13 months to be wary of.
December 8th, 2007 at 10:09 am
Hello:
Been awhile. Thanks Marc..I always look to see if you have something posted. This one hits where I’ve BEEN living.
I’ve been lurking around a forum where divorced or divorcing people post….ostensibly I’m doing “research”. And for months now I’ve been combating the women there, who though it is Christian forum and they profess to be super solid family matters people, are just as if not more entitlement oriented about the availability of easy divorce.
Amfortas…good to see you are still typing.
December 8th, 2007 at 12:48 pm
The 2005 divorce rate (number divorces divided by marriages) is about 60% (this excludes California and a few other states that do not report). About 1,500,000 men are divorced yearly.
http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/divorce.htm
About 70% of women initiate divorce – about 1,200,000 men yearly are defendants in court.
http://marriage.rutgers.edu/Publications/pubtoptenmyths.htm
About 50% of the men, who are defendants, did not expect a divorce from the wife – about 600,000 men yearly.
That America has one of the highest divorce rates in the world of about 220 countries.
http://www.divorcemag.com/statistics/statsWorld.shtml
December 8th, 2007 at 12:57 pm
JOYS OF THE SEASON FOR DIVORCE LAWYERS
“Whenever lawyers talk about the business cycles and ask one another what is the slowest and busiest time of year, the family lawyer always seems to say the same thing. That is, that it is busy all the time (Who’d dare say otherwise?), but the flow of new clients seems always to pick up right after Christmas. Now there are many theories about this.”
http://patriot.net/~crouch/flnc/joys.html
A divorce lawyer now released a divorce guide for the divorce season.
http://www.ajc.com/holidayguide/content/holidayguide/stories/2007/12/06/mayoue_1208.html
You will not find the main stream media reporting news that affects so many men. But you will here. Sweet.
Great job Marc on dishonoring dad ads on Fox. You speak the truth, then win easily. I expect that your not on NOW’s any liberal’s card list this year.
December 8th, 2007 at 4:26 pm
“Since you make such succint commentd,but ’striking first” scares” me.Then the mans legacy is, he wanted out so let him pay through the nose. The only option left seems to be a noose for the man.”
anti-armchair general, you might well be “scared”, but a man has two choices when his trouble-meter is flashing: do nothing and accept being a doormat or try to minimize the damage through proactive efforts, as Marc suggests.
And for those men who do nothing and wait for their wives to make the first move, they will likely be forced to pay through the nose.
The best option is of course to never marry, cohabit, or procreate. The next best option for men in the event of forebodings of a coming divorce is to file for divorce themselves.
That’s no guarantee of getting out of the divorce painlessly, but doing so can not only protect men financially (to a degree), it can save quite a bit of emotional pain as well.
Marc has provided you with his valuable perspectives on divorce and men’s interests . Take that advice to heart; in this misandry-ridden nation, he has kept his cujones intact. Now you keep yours.
December 8th, 2007 at 11:30 pm
3. amfortas,
Your remark about Hallmark card is “preventive medicine” but men are naive and think of their mothers (older men especialy) and I doubt card company could print them without feminist protest. Or market boycott
12. fourthwire.
About 30 years ago I was up to my a.. in alligators so it was difficult to plan how to drain a swamp.
But then there was Fathers United in our area an I went thee for about 10 years., initiallly to solve my own problem and then to help other fathers with their questions ,testify in legislature and write comments to newspapers.
Your advice to follow Marc Rudov’s ” strike first” was what we learned from each other. But to practice what we preached is tough, since hope springs eternal.
Perhaps it’s time to read Hemlocksociety’s book “Final Exit”. Fathers United faded away due to apathy and if you fight the system you’re treated like the story of “The Man from La Mancha”.
December 9th, 2007 at 12:47 am
Nothing is more pathetic than to read men bellyaching and whining. Feminists read this and cheer.
Buck up, grow a pair, and take control of your lives. The decisions you make determine the paths you take.
Commiseration is a waste of time. Successful people take massive action. They spend 20% of the time discussing the problem and 80% of the time solving it.
December 9th, 2007 at 6:58 am
Buck up, grow a pair, and take control of your lives.
DING DING DING DING!!!!!!
Yes, the deck is most definitely stacked against us. So give up and die, or FIGHT!!!!
Marc, you just said, in eleven words, what we’ve spent years yakking about. Outstanding, and eloquent.
December 9th, 2007 at 8:10 am
Marc, I love you, but,
Me and Greg Amunrud, and Greg’s attorney Robert Stevens, were doing the cojones thing by petitioning the Supreme Court for a writ of certiorari.
I must admit it is mighty lonely charging across no mans land while the rest of the mens rights people are waiting in the trenches for me to win and going tsk tsk when I don’t.
Instead of waving your poms poms and cheering us on, providing the vital publicity support necessary for the Supremes to decide to hear a case out of the thousands of petitions they receive,
you fought me because you seemed to think that my activism was taking away from your points about the estrogen express and the clitoral hood.
Might I suggest that when someone does grow a pair and put up a fight, we can at least support him in his efforts?
Please pardon my belly aching and whining.
December 9th, 2007 at 11:40 am
Roger Knight,
Please prove that I was fighting your “activism.” I have no idea what you’re talking about.
I rail against whining, not against taking massive action.
In addition, I prohibit commenters from getting off-topic, from writing articles within my article, and from engaging in dialogs that should conducted offline.
December 11th, 2007 at 11:58 am
14 Mark H. Rudov
15 Squiggy
Thank you for your advice.