Comments on: Ask Dr. Helen: The 47-Year-Old Virgin

By: Michael

Michael — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 02:42:13 +0000

I am a 50 year old male virgin.
Basically (for heterosexuals):

1)Attractive men are having sex with attractive women.
2)Attractive men are having sex with unattractive women.
3)Unattractive men are not having sex.

Attractiveness = good looks and/or money.

Like the singer Beck said:”I am a loser,why don’t you kill me?”

By: Mike

Mike — Sat, 07 Mar 2009 20:55:53 +0000

A final word–sex for lots of people is not as fulfilling or great as the media has led us to believe. Once your hormones taper off, as mine have, you’ll find maybe you’ll still be okay. Lots of people are stuck in terrible marriages, have little sex, and try to fool everyone else that life is great in the bedroom. I’ve handled divorces and custody paperwork as a paralegal for 20 yrs. Most folks have no clue as to how to handle sex in a responsible and meaningful way. Too many marriages are just a front for both parties. Sorry if I sound bitter, but I was told for years I just haven’t met the right person yet, or there is somebody out there for me etc. Guess what–that’s crap!! Don’t buy it guys! This society is very ANTI-MALE, and we have almost evolved to the point where men are NO longer necessary in American life. It’s a huge tragedy, and lots of kids lives are being ruined by this feminist agenda. Sorry, but I see the social damage every day brought on by this ideology.
Good luck dating, start early, look hard, and if you don’t land anyone, you’re still okay, maybe it wasn’t meant to be.

By: Mike

Mike — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 23:36:50 +0000

I’m a 53 yr. old male virgin. I’m Catholic so that colored my sex choices more than anything. Even masturbation is considered a sin today by the Church! How I ended in this sorry state is a combination of factors:
I never had money to date until in my 30s, my first date was at 35, and I’ve only five in all. NONE of them was really any fun, they were mostly nice losers. After 30 your dating choices will be limited, and the longer you wait the worse it gets. I relied on porno and masturbation to satisfy my needs, but after 48, my hormones just shut down. Also I’ve had ulcerative colitis since age 20, and that is a terrible disease. I feared marriage and having kids because I didn’t want to pass it on to them. All of my life most women have been cruel, nasty, hostile, and rude to me with VERY FEW exceptions. I’ve never understand what it is about me that draws such hatred. I live as a sexual hermit, and I expect it to end that way. My only advice is get help if you can, the dating world isn’t fair, and good luck. Some of us just aren’t going to get asked to the party. Sorry–that’s life. Parents need to help their kids during those teen years to at least get them out their to meet people of the opposite sex any way they can. My parents just didn’t care about this, and I got lost in the shuffle. I never learned how to date, and first dates in your 30s were a total disaste for me. I finally quit trying 8 yrs. ago. It wasn’t worth the agony and rejection to keep going. Dating women with kids, divorcees etc. is a total nightmare. Sorry but that is the truth. The older you are the less available most people are.

By: Nick S

Nick S — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 14:31:17 +0000

I can understand his predicament. For a long time I was chronically shy and inhibited, and never had sex until well into my 20s. I felt quite embarrassed at the thought of initiating sexual encounters as well as going through with it. I guess I was brought up believing that sex is something that only men like or need, and that most women don’t really want sex. Rather, it is something women will only do in return for other benefits. So I suppose I’ve always thought of it as an imposition.

The other thing is that because there has been so much hype about sexual harassment and abuse, and because male sexuality has been so stigmatized as inherently abusive and demeaning, I tend to assume that women will react badly to the thought that you might want to shag them.

The obvious solution here is to hire a hooker. There should be no shame in purchasing something that you are unable to get through ordinary interactions. It is better to pay for sex than to bullshit a woman into sleeping with you by pretending that you are interested in a relationship or that you have fallen for her incredible personality. I have never been that good a bullshitartist, so I have found the hooker option better. If you are not someone who knows how to manipulate others for your own benefit, it is mighty difficult to engineer sexual encounters.

Simply save your money, and treat yourself to a quality hooker now and then. Then once you’ve got that monkey off your back, you can get on with other things in life.

By: Jim Peterson

Jim Peterson — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 18:29:58 +0000

I think the asexuals are among the lawmakers who passed IMBRA. In fact, I still cannot understand how an active heterosexual could hold himself back from walking into a federal courtroom to challenge IMBRA himself if he had the time and geographic opportunity to do it.

I seriously wonder if this 47 year old male virgin is a Democrat who might vote for Hillary Clinton…I wonder what his position is on victim feminism and the NOW…or maybe the men who support all this are masochists in their sex lives, who maybe get off on being with Hillary types as opposed to being asexual.

There might be no causal connection between this asexuality affliction and politics…but I cannot help but assume that the men who support radical feminists…must also have no interest in sex.

It is a serious question anyway. I do not mean to demean the afflicted.

By: bmmg39

bmmg39 — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 03:27:09 +0000

“Get a hooker”?! You’re not actually serious, are you? Whether or not they choose to have sex, people need more of a human connection than “leave your fifty on the dresser and call the next person in line in.”

Thank you, Dr. Helen, for not taking the same condescending, “you need to see a doctor” tone that so many do when discussing asexuals.

By: college activist

college activist — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 20:54:12 +0000

I’m with amfortas, go get yourself a hooker. You say you’re to afraid to “trick” a girl into having sex with you, of which i say “whatever”, so just pay her a couple hundred bucks, and get er done!!
Overly zealous moral prudes get a grip on yourself, as I’m quite moral myself..But this man is 47 and needs to do it!!

By: amfortas

amfortas — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 11:58:45 +0000

Sound advice there Dr H. He certainly thinks that the sexual assault was behind his difficultiies and whether it is or not, it needs to be looked at. He could be using that as a shield. I doubt though that a female therapist would have the face-to-face empathy to resolve the issue one way or another, despite your good attempt at remote reading. It is a long reach for a woman to make. A chap would be more likely to understand him.

A good friend would likely help. A mate. Has he some chap he could talk to, rather than a therapist, I wonder. A better option than a ‘licensed sex therapist’ may well be found in a friendly ‘Madam’ in a brothel who could could accommodate him with one of her more understanding, nice hookers. (One with a ‘heart of gold’.there might be one or two left) It would certainly be cheaper. Not only more ‘hands on’ but someone elses for a change. Actions speak louder than words.