Our girls: What abstinence education really does for them…

2008-02-03
By

Abstinence education programs have been in the news a lot lately because there are a lot of them out there, and they seem to be having an effect. And, predictably, efforts are made to discredit them. After all, early teen sex is an excellent business op for venders of hookerwear (for every day, not just for skank-o-ween). And to think I didn’t even mention abortion mills, for-profit adoption agencies, and welfare bureaus who need hard cases to angle for a bigger budget. Oh well, I can’t think of everything all at once, can I?

One line I’ve been hearing recently goes like this: Abstinence education doesn’t prevent teen delinquency.

Huh? You mean she isn’t shoplifting cool jeanswear down at the WalMart because she is at home stark naked having sex? Stands to reason, I suppose that she wouldn’t need the jeans … but … like …

The key issue here is “life chances”. If a teen gets pregnant, there are better and worse options, but no good ones. By comparison, delinquency doesn’t really matter. A sixteen year old high school dropout raising a baby on welfare isn’t even technically a delinquent, provided she started her sex life after her big 1-6. But what about her life chances? What about her kid’s life chances? Quite honestly, I would rather she shoplifted at the WalMart. That’s only stuff, after all, not lives, so the situation is easier to fix.

Getting a kid to put off sex for even a year is worthwhile. Even a year can make a difference in decision-making capacity. The same young person who shouldn’t drink in a bar, buy smokes, or drive on the highway should also not be making decisions about sex – and parents should see to it that she doesn’t have to.

By the way, what’s with all this stuff about “contraceptives just for extra safety”? Would you say to your kid, “I don’t want you smoking but I am going to leave a pack of cigarettes here in the cupboard because if you do start, you might be tempted to buy or steal them from the corner store …”? Of course not, because if you really don’t want the kid smoking, you won’t smoke yourself and you won’t allow Joe Smoke in the house either. Same with casual sex …

But caution! Countercultural lifestyles take courage and planning. You and your kid are the bane of both privately and publicly funded enterprises. So don’t be surprised if people try to get at your kid behind your back …. but only for the kid’s own good, of course …

Funny, when I was a teen I thought my dad was difficult, but now that he’s old and I’m aging fast, I see it all so differently. A relationship with a kid can last a lifetime, even if there are bad patches along the way.

I dedicated my most recent book to my dad, and I meant every word when I wrote,

I wish to acknowledge my father, John Patrick O’Leary, who has maintained an interest in the central ideas of civilization all his life, encouraging me in this and all such projects, – Denyse O’Leary

Writing that dedication was the best moment of the book for me, actually. And for him too, I expect. If you have a daughter, I hope she does something for you some day, that shows that she knows how hard you tried and how much your relationship with her meant to you.

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  • amfortas

    Developing a moral charcter is an uphill battle, Denyse. All such human-building enterprises are.

    We (most people) give up all too easily.

    Remember when children were to be seen and not heard? Gosh, that was a while back.

    We give up teaching children to read once they hit ten and expect them to just, well, read! Then ask them to tackle adult works in University with junior school skills. Janet and John get a PhD.

    We abandon, all to easily, the task of training their minds and thinking by writing mind-stuff down and analysing it as a product for truth and accuracy and logical progression and expressiveness and instead substitute easier ways such as ‘creative writing’. Memorise a poem? Torture for a ten year old. They need to be ‘engaged’. Their own scribbles are far more valuable that someone else’s especially dead white males who struggled to express. It’s the kids turn! Grammar is old hat and abandoned once the personal pronoun is mastered. Every written word by a twelve year old is ‘wonderful’. Every idea expressed is ‘fantastic’.

    We start their self control with potty training and by five we let them lose on the world with the idea that whatever they want to do is so much better than what they ought to do. Well, what else do you need after you’ve mastered not shitting yourself? Shit on someone else, of course. Saves emptying the potty.

    We set them on a road to health with carrots and broccoli but for a treat take ‘the family’ for a burger, which soon loses its treat status and becomes the daily diet. Hey, it saves time.

    We don’t put turds in their sandwiches because its ‘not nutritional’ and could make them ill. But we shovel shit into their minds because, well mind-food preparation is even harder than cooking. Let the fast food-for-the-mind businesses cook for us.

    By ten we have given up telling them not to show off their knickers to everyone who comes to visit and have them in bikinis instead. ‘Be a grown-up’, we charge them. ‘Act like a grown-up’. See mummy exhibit.

    14 is the golden age and everyone is encouraged to be 14 until old age kicks in. 14 year olds are encouraged to emulate 25s going on 14. And you know what 25′s like doing. Body shaping. Shaking that booty. Poking the hairy clam. Spreading the goods. Look! It is all pretence just as a 10 year old is told to pretend. The adult 14 year old is seen and seen and seen and shoved in your face. And heard. Oh how the adult 14 year old is heard.

    Petend is the fast food du jour. Actors rule. The mind is filled with TV and videos. Pretend. Erzatz reality. Show off ‘Act’ replaces action. Persistence lasts 40 minutes plus ads.

    Listen to the children. If the outer one is too demanding, listen to your own inner one. Better still we’ll get actors to play all the roles. Just sit back and listen. And look. Its easier.

    Training their hearts? Play dates at ten. Slumber parties and conversation. Practice communications skills. Don’t listen to adults. They don’t understand. Get with the girl’s program and absorb adolescent “girlfriend wars” tactics. Advanced, home-schooled starting rumors 101, social ostracism 102, shunning 103, shaming 104. Promoted to high school, using friendship as a weapon 303, getting a third party to do your dirty work – honours program 911, and making false accusations – degree work. Janet and John play hurting one another. The plain girl plays John. Refined and perfected in the bedroom to be used later on in relationship wars with men. They are eager to cut to the chase. They’ve seen it on TV.

    ‘Learning’ has totally lost its meaning. ‘What do YOU want to do today, kiddies. Whoops, sorry, young people. Be who you are’ right now and forever, is the mantra. Never develop, unless its breasts we are talking about. Breasts are good. Breasts mean ‘woman’. Women are the epitome of human. And what do women like doing? As little as possible today. Look at your breasts for the measure of progress. Have you arrived yet? Overshot? Never mind, we have a procedure for you for just a grown-up $4699.00, plus room charges and mini-bar.

    Values are always someone elses, imposed. Resist! Be who you are. You are wonderful. You can be and do anything you want. As long as its 14. And do I have a treat for you for just $49.99 + post and handling. Child’s play. Practice spend.

    Morals. Hah! For losers. Too hard. Abstain for a year? All too hard. They wannit noaaaw! Can’t buy morals anyway. No demand.

    Just how does one go about teaching abstinance, prudence, moderation, thoughfulness, love, respect, goodness, rightness, perseverance, all the small stuff that enable to human being to florish when the ground is hard and dry, the mulch denied as smelly, the waters of life thown casually and inaccurately from a bucket over shoots, crushing them. It is all too hard to do the gardening. Gardening is for losers when everyone is a flower.

    Perseverance? You mean keep on doing and doing and doing?

    (In all the above, when I say ‘we’ or ‘you’ I exclude you and me).

  • http://evilbender.wordpress.com/2008/02/06/how-abstinence-only-education-is-a-great-metaphor-for-the-id-movement/ How abstinence-only education is a great metaphor for the ID movement « Notes from Evil Bender

    [...] O’Leary, is taking a break from her usual ignorant ranting about science to blather about how wonderful abstinence education is. I could go point by point through her terrible argument, but, like ID, it is built on so flawed a [...]






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