“As much as I hate to say it, girls love jerks!…too many women who could easily be in a healthy relationship instead choose the cliffhanger ending of dating a jerk that walks with a swagger, winks at anything that moves, and always has a one-liner at the ready.”
Though feminist bloggers often fall all over themselves to deny it, I think one of the very real grievances young men have is the way women, despite all of their complaints about men, are usually not interested in nice guys. I saw one men’s activist several years ago write on his website, “Women say they want one thing, but they sleep with another,” and it’s often true.
When I taught high school, students often came to me with their problems. Sometimes the girls would come to me with problems about their boyfriends. Often they would come in groups. Time and time and time again I would see a girl who could have had practically any guy in the school she wanted instead go way, way out of her way to have a relationship with a jerk. (The jerk was often a gang member). Then, when things don’t work out with the jerk, or when the jerk acts like, well, a jerk, they are shocked and angry.
I remember one time asking a girl the following question — “You could pick practically any guy you want. Why don’t you just go find a guy who thinks he’s lucky to be with you? Who will be good to you because he’s a nice, good hearted guy, who is pleased with his good fortune? Why don’t you just find a nice guy, and have a relationship with him?
The girl and her two friends giggled, and all three of them practically said the same thing at once — “Nice is boring.”
The article below by Christine Hassler (pictured) and Jason Ryan Dorsey discusses the problem with girls and “jerks.”  I have mixed emotions about it. On one hand, I think that men sometimes get stereotyped unfairly as jerks. On the other hand, I think it is true that often women do not like “nice guys”, and it is time to acknowledge this problem.
Thanks to Dutch Martin, for sending me the story.
DATING TIPS
She Says vs. He Says: Do Girls Really Like Dating Jerks?
By Christine Hassler and Jason Ryan Dorsey
Yahoo! Personals, Feb 24, 2008
SHE SAYS: No, but we think we do. As someone who dated a jerk, whom I now refer to as my “learning experience,” I admit to falling under the jerk spell.
Here’s how the jerk spell works: we meet the jerk and in some twisted way are seduced by his confidence, charm, and passion. We don’t see these as the disguises they are: confidence is really arrogance, charm comes from him being a player, and his passion is being the center of his own universe.
The jerk sniffs out our insecurities and uses them to reel us in with compliments that eventually turn into criticisms. And if we see a red flag, like the time my “learning experience” told me his definition of a relationship was “light, fun and physical,” we play mind games with ourselves. We use our normally rational inner voice to convince ourselves that we can tame him or that with the right kind of girlfriend he will lose his jerk armor and transform into a leading man fit for a romantic comedy. Come on ladies, what are we thinking?!
A jerk loves being a jerk — way more than he loves us. I guess if they’ve always gotten away with treating people poorly and nobody ever set them straight, why would they change? Besides, a jerk seems to always have an attractive woman on his arm laughing at his mediocre jokes and ignoring his wandering gaze. How? I think it’s because deep down every woman wants a challenge or a little danger. It’s not really the jerk we like; it’s the thrill of the chase, the rush of adrenaline when the jerk’s phone number pops up on our cell (which is usually right after last call).
However, it’s been my experience that “jerkdom” isn’t some phase we can pull a guy out of. Guys only outgrow that phase when life no longer succumbs to their demands. Any woman who has dated a jerk for more than a week knows that it’s a hollow relationship that ultimately leaves you disappointed, hurt, and commiserating with your friends.
The only challenge worth overcoming when dating a jerk is to not let him affect or define your self worth. So if there is a jerk out there making your heart go pitter-pat and estrogen is messing with your reasoning, go ahead and let him woo you, but when he asks for your number tell him that you only date guys who prove their value by respecting a woman. If he’s a jerk he’ll roll his eyes, say you have an attitude and snicker as he leaves. If he sincerely accepts your ground rules, then chances are you should give him at least one date to prove he’s relationship material. Although you may not be spellbound at first, the nice guy without all the smooth answers may ultimately fulfill your needs in more meaningful ways.
HE SAYS: As much as I hate to say it, girls love jerks! At least until the jerk stops calling, which is usually right after he gets what he wants. Speaking from the guy’s perspective, I’ve never quite understood what draws sane, attractive, bright women to guys who act like jerks. Maybe it is the thrill of the unexpected. Maybe it is trying to outplay him in his own game. Maybe it is hoping that deep down he is a nice guy and you are going to prove it to your naysayer friends. What I do know is that too many women who could easily be in a healthy relationship instead choose the cliffhanger ending of dating a jerk that walks with a swagger, winks at anything that moves, and always has a one-liner at the ready.
Truth be told, there aren’t many nice guys who haven’t considered acting like a jerk, especially when they steal your girl (here I speak from experience). However, daydreaming of jerkdom fades as soon as nice guys remember one thing: being a jerk means acting like a jerk all the time. That means causing the mental pain and emotional anguish that drives a girl to phone her friends — guy friends included — crying about what the jerk did to her in public on their first date. Even guys bear the brunt of girls who fall head over heels for jerks.
Read the full article here.
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