Slida Spitzer is only the latest in a long line of political wives who stood right beside her husband as he faced the press after being caught with his pants down. Hillary Clinton stood by Bill as he famously weaseled that he “did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky.” Dina McGreevey wore a pained smile as her husband acknowledged that he had hired a male lover into a sensitive government post and proclaimed, “I am a gay American.” Suzanne Craig hid her feelings behind dark glasses but was right by her husband, Senator Larry Craig, when he denied having made sexual advances to a male undercover officer in a public restroom.
Often commentators express pity for these wives. Some question whether it is morally right for a man facing opprobrium because of a sexual transgression to make his first major public appearance about the transgression with the wife he has wronged, or allegedly wronged, standing beside him. They believe such an appearance adds to the wife’s humiliation. Some people also seem to feel that these appearances reflect ill on the wives, indicating their own weakness and submissiveness when being demeaned.
However, I think admiration of wives who stand beside husbands in such circumstances is appropriate. These wives are displaying loyalty and solidarity with their husbands during difficult times.
Why do they do this when they must be pained by their husbands’ conduct? They may recognize the biological fact that monogamy is not a natural state for humans of either sex. These wives may also know that problems in a marriage are usually a two-way street and that they themselves have not been blameless if the union is troubled.
In asking why these wives stand beside their husbands, we may be making the assumption that such loyalty is unique to women. It is not. In 1981, hairdresser Marilyn Barnett sued female tennis champion Billie Jean King for palimony. At the time, BJK was heterosexually married to Larry King (not the bespectacled TV personality).
BJK held a press conference at which she acknowledged having a lesbian affair with Barnett. Her husband Larry stood beside her, wearing what one writer aptly described as an expression of indecipherable calm. My ex-husband said Larry king looked like he was meditating and reaching alpha.
The marriage vows say those who wed take each other for better or worse. To err is human and to forgive divine. Human beings of both sexes are fallible. We will wrong our husbands and wives. We may also show a little spark of the divine in supporting those closest to us even when we have been wronged.
Stand by your man.
Stand by your woman.
It is the right thing to do.
amfortas said,
There are other explanations of why some people DO stand by their man (or woman) that do not point to altruism or love though. Advantage, springs to mind. Moral, financial, plain old Sword of Damocles. What a hold the person has. What capital they can make of it. What chains can be forged and welded in place around one’s partner’s neck. What social applause can be taken, not to mention a truckload of ‘empathy’ and victimhood. It can turn the basest of moral metal into hard gold bars (at $1000 an oz) so fast that an alchemist would have wet dreams.
March 21, 2008 at 8:26 am
roadkill1965 said,
March 21, 2008 at 9:14 am
Jim Peterson said,
My girlfriend has never given me conditions under which she would leave me, which is why I am still with her.
I thought I was about to read an article I disagreed with because the title suggests that Denise was going to say the women should have abandoned their husbands.
My thesis is that Spitzer had NO opportunities as governor because he was surrounded and controlled by feminists who would have no interest in powerful men (besides the opportunity to use them as puppets) and not hire women who would. Spitzer clearly had no power to hire women helpers.
March 22, 2008 at 10:09 am
fourthwire said,
He clearly should NOT have married, nor procreated if his wife did not satisfy him sexually.
Or if his wife played the old “bait and switch” with respect to sex (a tactic not uncommon among American women where AFTER marriage, sex becomes elusive or non-existant), then Spitzer should have divorced her to enjoy his freedom with no risk to her, at the risk of continuing to pay, pay, pay.
I’m not in favor of women or men standing by their unfaithful spouses when their deeds become public.
I’m in favor of avoiding ever being put in a situation where I have to gamble with my future in a tradeoff for sexual satisfaction.
Don’t marry.
Don’t co-habit.
Don’t procreate.
March 22, 2008 at 2:15 pm